Ashes And Wine
by brookegrace
Summary: THIS IS NOT A BL FIC. This is a fic about CS. It's a realistic story, of the cheating and problems they dealt with in real life and while filming the show. It will have some BL in it, as it will show them filming. If you miss them, you should read this.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so you guys may not know, but I'm a HUGE Sophia fan. I'm also even bigger Chophia fan. I think these two were by far one of the best couples in Hollywood. And I'm not being biased. I've been reading a few fics on here and I really wanted to make my own, I have posted this on OTHforums and it had great reviews, I stopped posting it there and decided to post it her. I already have the first 5 chapters made and sorry this one is so short. But I will tweak them depending on what you guys wants to see. So please read it and let me know what yall think. Soooo yeah, sorry if it sucks. I promise it will get betterrrr! Please comment3  
The title for this Fic can from the lovely song Ashes & Wine, By A fine frenzy. This song is truly made for them.  
**

* * *

Sophia heard a soft knock on her trailer door and looked up to see Bevin poking her head in.

"Hey Bev." Sophia whispered, forcing a fake smile.

"How are you?" Bevin smiled back. She knew that Sophia wasn't well.

"I'm ok... just reading some lines." Sophia looked back down at the paper. She couldn't look at Bevin, if she did she would burst into tears and she couldn't do that now, not here.

"Soph, I won't push you to talk about it if you don't want to... but just know I'm here. Alright?" Bevin continued as she took one last look around the trailer, not failing to notice the small picture of Sophia and Chad slanted against a mirror.

Sophia didn't say anything. She didn't have anything to say. Three days ago she found out that her husband cheated on her, not once but multiple times. She didn't believe it at first and she still tried not to believe it even after he admitted to it. She couldn't believe that the man she was so madly in love with could hurt her like this.

She didn't look back up until Bevin walked out of the trailer and with that Sophia let her emotions take over and she sat in front of the mirror for what seemed like hours crying. She cried because she was scared of what would happen next. She cried because he could hurt her like this. She cried because she wasn't enough for him. She cried because she wanted to know why he did it. She cried because he wasn't the man she thought he was. She cried because she didn't know what else to do.

* * *

Sophia was sitting at the crew table along with Hilarie and Bevin when she saw Chad's car pull up. Hilarie and Bevin both exchanged anxious looks and turned back to Sophia.

"Have you guys talked at all?" Hilarie questioned as she kept an eye on Chad.

"No." Sophia slowly shook her head.

"Maybe it would help if you guys did?" Bevin chirped in giving Sophia a confident smile.

"There's nothing to talk about Bev..." Sophia sighed running her fingers through her hair and resting her forehead on them. She was trying to hide her face from him. Maybe if he didn't notice she was here then he wouldn't come over. Hilarie noticed what Sophia was doing and she couldn't help her eyes begin to water. Because she couldn't stand to see her friend like this. She quickly wiped it away and tried to think for words she could say to her.

"I talked to him yesterday." Sophia didn't look up at Hilarie. So Hilarie found it safe to continue. "He feels like crap Soph, actually crap isn't even enough. I've never ever seen him like this and you know I've known him for a while." Hilarie continued, not sure if anything she was saying would even change anything.

"That doesn't really matter though does it?" Sophia finally looked up, her eyes blood shot and red.

Hilarie didn't say anything back.

"I'm sorry Hil. I know you're trying to help... I just... I can't deal with this right now." With that Sophia began getting up and quickly walked back to her trailer. Once she was inside she tried to keep her composure. She couldn't cry. She was sick of crying.

Sophia looked around the trailer and began to walk towards the small couch in the middle of it. She sat down and pulled her knees close to her chest, resting her chin on them. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else, but her mind kept coming back to him. So she fliped her phone open and stared at her wallpaper. A picture of her one eyed pit bull, Patch. She stared at it until the picture became blurry and she felt the tears run down her face.

"Soph?" She quickly looked up to see her trailer door slowly opening. She knows that voice. It's his voice. She makes a frantic attempt to wipe some of the tears off and sits up straight on the couch pretending she's looking at a very important text message. "Hey." He whispered as he slowly closed the door behind him. He doesn't move any closer to her because he wants to respect her space. He's not even sure if being in here is the right thing to do, but he just had to see her. He loves her so much and it kills him every time he looks at her and sees how broken she is. She finally looks up at him and for the first time in days he's looking into her eyes. And what he sees in those eyes has the power to make his heart physically hurt. He's the one to blame for causing that and he wants to hug her and make her feel better. He just doesn't know how.

She doesn't say anything back to him she just simply stares at him. She won't say anything because she has nothing to say. So she sits there very motionless waiting for him to speak. Because she wants him to.

"I uh..." She watches his face contort as he tries to think of what to say to her. She knows he wont say anything, so she slowly shakes her head and begins to get up.

"There's nothing to say Chad." She isn't showing any emotion as she speaks to him and he is trying to read her, but lately he doesn't understand what any of her signals mean, mainly because she has never acted like this.

"There has to be something," He begins to walk behind her. "I told you I'm sorry Soph, I know you know that I love you more then I could and will ever love anyone," He gently grabs the back of her arm and turns her around. "I don't know what else to say." He whispered with a melancholy smile on his face. He doesn't know why he ever did any of those things. How he ever slept with all of those girls. He almost wishes that they never would have gotten married, because that way she wouldn't be hurt right now. He feels like a dumb ass for rushing things, he guesses it was because after cheating on Sophia with Paris he felt almost compelled to marry her. It wasn't because he was afraid that Sophia would somehow find out and the only thing he could do to make sure that Sophia was with him was to marry her. But because after sleeping with Paris, he realised how no one else could ever make him feel the way Sophia did. She was not only the most beautiful woman he ever met, but she was also the most brilliant woman he would ever meet. He needed her, and he loved her.

"Chad, I know you love me. I've never once doubted your love for me. But what you did," She looked down at the ground trying to think of the best words. "How could you do that to me? Where you ever going to tell me? Just help me understand why you did it." She was now looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"I don't know why I did it." He knows that's not the answer she wanted to hear, but he truthfully didn't know why he did it. She let out a small scuff and looked up trying to hold back the tears.

"Well, I guess there's nothing else to say." He didn't say anything back.

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you think we will-" She was now shaking her head back and fourths and had placed her hand on his lips.

"Chad, I can't deal with this right now. Please understand, just do this one thing for me and don't put yourself first for once." She was speaking bitterly now and she didn't care if she was hurting him. Because part of her wanted him to feel some pain.

* * *

It had been two days since their previous conversation and Sophia was on her computer reading through her emails. Chad was coming over in a few hours to get the rest of his stuff, they both decided after endless fights and tears that it would be best if he move out. Tyler, a close and dear friend of both of them was having Chad stay with him until they sorted everything down. Sophia was dreading having him come back to their home, specially because he wasn't going to be staying. She wanted so badly to forgive him, to just be with him again. It hurt too much not being with him. He was everything to her. She couldn't remember how to function without him, so she resorted to spending most of her time alone.

She slowly closed her laptop when she heard the front door open and close. She wasn't sure if she should just stay in the room or if she should go out and make sure he found everything ok, but knowing him she knew he wouldn't. So she pulled her baggy cardigan close to her and crossed her arms around her chest. She stood, resting against the hallway entrance as she watched him put all the boxes together.

"I put all your CDs in the little one... I kept them in order." She instructed as she watched him look in the box.

"Thanks." He smiled up at her. She looked cold, and it felt cold in the house. He wanted more then anything to wrap her in his arms and make her feel warm. Like he used to. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun and she wasn't wearing any makeup, he couldn't remember a day where she looked more beautiful. Cold days like these were normally spent together watching the Discovery Channel or snuggling in bed while they went over the new script together. But not now. Things had changed so fast for both of them.

When he was finally done putting all the boxes into his truck he lingered for a few minutes. Pretending he was looking for something, but all he was doing was trying to think of what to say to her. "I miss you Soph." He felt childish for not having something better to say, but he didn't care. He missed her more than words could explain and he so badly wanted to be with her.

"I miss you too." She whispered.

"Then why can't we just make this work?"

"Because, I can't just pretend that nothing happened."

"Don't pretend, we can work past this Soph. We can go to counseling... I won't go out at night. You can always call me. I... I'll never screw up again." He was pacing back and fourths trying to think of something else to say, anything.

She shut her eyes tight and tried to not listen to what he was saying. She could feel how hurt he was, she could. Sophia could feel a lump forming in her throat and her mouth felt dry. "But that's just it. I can't live constantly wondering where you are, what you're doing. I can't. I need to be able to trust you Chad. I can't live wondering if I'm good enough. Comparing myself to every girl. Because that's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you. You need someone that wont question you, or wont second guess herself when she kisses you." Her face felt hot and she was once again crying.

"I know that I'm not the man you deserve, but I can promise you that no one will ever love you as much as I love you. I'm crazy about you Sophia. I know I messeded up and nothing I say will ever be enough, but just know that if you gave me another chance I'll never hurt you again." He couldn't remember the last time he cried but he was sure that if she rejected him again he was going to. "I know you want something like what your mom and dad have, and I'm sorry for making you feel like we don't have that. But Soph we do." He feels sick for ever letting her feel like he didn't love her and that the love they had wasn't as good as the love her parents had, but five months ago he made a promise that he would never hurt her and always love her. And from the look of it he hasn't been doing a very good job.


	2. Whatever It Takes

**You guys seriously are mucho love. I'm sorry that this chapter isn't the best one ever. I kind of wrote it really fast and It's just NOT the best. ****I have friends who have first hand knowledge of what happened between them, since they worked as crew and were extras on the show, so what they have told me and what I personally know will be put in here. I really want to make this as realistic as possible. I'm sorry the chapters are so short right now, but I'm basically just copying and pasting what I wrote months ago. Once I get done with the first 3 chapters, you can expect them to be MUCH longer and better. I hope you guys stick around and keep reading and leaving comments, because comments make it so much more fun.**

**Xx Nathalie**

* * *

Sophia woke up with the buzzing of her alarm clock. It read 6:00 A.M., pretty soon she would be having to leave for work. She rolled over in bed and stared at the empty space next to her. She didn't move, instead she laid there facing where he used to sleep. She wanted more than anything to pretend that he was there, peacefully sleeping. But he wasn't.

At the same time she was surprised in herself. She didn't know she had what it took to deny him, after all he said last night. Before, when it came to him she could never say no. She wasn't too shocked though, the way things had been going. It was as if they were two different people.

She slowly got up and began to make her way towards her closet. Maybe today would be better, after all she didn't think there could possibly be anything more heart wrenching then hearing him say how much he loves her and she pushing him away.

She feels tired, probably due to the fact that sleep is now a thing of the past. Whenever she lays in bed all she can think about is him. She wants to talk to someone, but she can't bring herself to tell anyone how she really feels. She's trying so hard to pretend she's ok. Her parents have been calling her none stop, every time she talks to her mom she feels as if she's going to break down. But she doesn't because after all, she is an actress and that's what she's best at. Pretending.

"Hey Soph." She's greeted by Bevin as she steps out of her car. Sophia can't help but cringe a little when she sees her beloved friend waiting for her outside the car. She just wants to be alone.

"Hey Bevers." Sophia smiled, her mind entirely not in the conversation.

"Uhm, I was thinking... You know how we always had those movie nights?" Bevin's fumbling nervously with her zipper and Sophia begins to watch her.

"Yeah I remember, What sup?"

"We should have one... tonight." Bevin looked up and Sophia really wanted to make up some lame excuse, but the smile Bevin had... she couldn't say no to her. She didn't want to keep pushing away all her friends because of something some one else did.

"Sure Bev, that'd be fun." Sophia looked up at her as she nodded her head and she could see the shock Bevin was feeling.

"So have you-" Bevin began trying to change the subject before Sophia changed her mind.

"No Bevin." She rolled her eyes knowing exactly what Bevin was going to ask and began walking away towards her trailer.

"Seven o'clock Soph! Bevin called behind her.

"Seven o'clock Bev."

By now she is walking in to her trailer and she screamed when she saw him.

"What the heck!?" Sophia asked, her voice rising.

"Sorry!" Chad ran over and she pushed him away as he tried to give her a hug.

"_What_ are you doing here Chad?" She asked annoyed and doesn't feel any guilt treating him like this.

"I wanted to surprise you." He whispered shyly.

"What _makes_you think I would wanna see you?" Sophia hissed, making an emphathis on the word "make", she had made it perfectly clear to him that she didn't and doesn't want to see him.

"You used to like it when I did that."

"I _used_ to Chad, used to."

He doesn't say anything instead he watches her walk around her trailer looking for different things. He doesn't know why he ever took her for granted. He has never loved or wanted something so much in his life. He can feel his discomfort beginning to grow and the longer he stares at her the sicker he feels. At this point he's beginning to think that she really doesn't care about him anymore, that maybe the day he screwed up was the day she stopped loving him. He's full of anxiety, he can't think for long without her coming to his mind. All he ever talks about is her, he's surprised that Tyler hasn't kicked him out of the house yet. But maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

"Why are you still here?" She finally breaks the silence after finding everything that could possibly be found. The whole time she was waiting for him to say something, she doesn't know why she wants him to speak so bad. Because she's convinced herself that everything he says is not worth listening to, but part of her, the part that wants everything to go back to normal just wants him to say something that could possibly change this.

"I don't know where else to go." She's almost taken back when he looks up to her and she can see tears streaming down his face. She closed her eyes and with her thumb and index finger pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to contain herself.

"_Don't._ Chad. _Please_ don't do this to me." Her eyes are still closed and if it wasn't for her feeling his body against hers she would have kept them closed. She holds her breath in shock. It seems like it's been so long since he's been this close to her.

"Sophia, I'm sorry I'm hurting you, and I'm sorry I've hurt you. But you need to understand. I need you. And I love you, you're my wife. You'll always be my wife." He was gently holding her head between his palms and the whole time he was speaking her eyes were locked on his. She tilted her head and let it rest in the palm of his hand. It felt so good to be close to him, to be touching him. He feels a little guilty for standing so close to her. He knows how bad he's hurt her and this isn't exactly helping. That doesn't stop him. Why should it? She needs to realize how much she means to him, that he won't stop until she knows how he feels for her and that no matter what happens he won't ever leave her and he will be forever faithful to her. Like he should have been from the start.

He smiled down at her even though his heart is aching. "Soph, we can start all over. I'll do whatever you want. If you need more time, I'll give you more time. I'll do anything, as long as I know you'll come back to me." He's ready for her to reject him yet again and he won't blame her if she does. But instead he's shocked to see Sophia's face soften and give him a melancholy smile.

"I do miss you. And I do love you. And I always will." She let's out in a breath. "If you mean what you say," She continued, now breaking away from him and cringing a little as to the fact that she no longer was so close to him. "then you should understand that for now, I just want some time for myself. Chad, I need to make sure of what I want. I don't want to do something I'll regret ten years from now in an effort to protect you. Okay?" She whispered as she takes his hand in hers. "I need to make sure that I'm not doing this for you, and not just choosing the easy choice."

"Then, can we start over?" He asked quietly.

She lets her brain digest the question before slowly nodding her head. She can see his eyes light up and for a brief moment she's scared of what she had just agreed to. Why would she make things so easy for him? She knows that she can't keep rejecting him. One of these days she would have to give in, because she loved him too much and it hurt her so much to see him like this.

"If our love is what I used to think it was," She began as she fixed her eyes on his chest. "Then, we will get our happy ending Chad. If we're meant to be, everything will work out. We'll find a way to work past this. And I'll find a way to forgive you." She slowly turns her gaze back to him and yet again hazel locks with blue. "And if we don't." She stops herself and looks back down, she doesn't know what to say to him because she doesn't want it to not work out and if she says it then it'll make it all that much more real. "Just because they weren't your soul mate doesn't mean that your love for them isn't true." She's now looking back up at him and she can see the confusion written on his face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked in a childish voice and wishes he could take it back. She sighed and began to feel a wave of desperation wash over her.

"If we don't work out Chad, just know that the love I feel for you isn't a lie and won't ever be erased." She whispered softly. She wishes more than anything that she could just make everything better. Take away all the pain he is feeling and erase all the mistakes he has ever made. At this point she no longer felt selfish, and the feeling she had of making him suffer like he has made her suffer is no longer there. Now, she wants more than anything for this all to work out, even if it takes years. As long as someday in the future she can look at him and feel all the feelings she used to feel, and none of the ones she feels now, then the wait would be worth it.

* * *

Sophia slowly pulled up to the narrow driveway. She was surprised by how hard it had been to come to her friend's apartment. She almost called Bevin a few times thinking of lame excuses that could get her out of coming. The only thing that gave her the energy to come was the fact that maybe if she was lucky she would get him out of her mind, even if it was for at least an hour.

"Soph!" Bevin greeted her from the patio that over looked the drive way.

"Hey." Sophia laughed, waving up at her excited friend.

She stood by the door and waited a few minutes before the bubbly blond opened the latch and let her in. "It was open you idiot." Bevin teased as she led the way into the kitchen "I made some tacos!" She turned a round holding a platter to Sophia's face with a cheesy grin.

"Since when do_ you_ make tacos?" Sophia laughed poking at the food.

"Hey! Don't criticize my love of tacos!" Bevin frowned pointing a greasy finger at Sophia nose, which she averted by moving her head out of the way. "I made a pile of movies over there." Bevin pointed to the coffee table and Sophia began to make her way to it.

After eating some of Bevin's surprisingly good Tacos they decided on "Scary Movie 1" which to Sophia's surprise was a little too much for her prude taste. She was disappointed in herself for even comparing a movie night with Bevin to how her and Chad used to spend weekend nights. It used to always be her and him that would snuggle together on the couch and whisper in to each others ears through out the whole movie, but not anymore. She knew that this was how things would be for a while but a big part of her didn't want to admit or accept that. She let out a shaky sigh and turned her attention back to the TV screen as she heard Bevin laugh at something that had just happened.

Bevin gave Sophia a quick glance and that was enough for her to realize that something was wrong. "Soph, _please_ talk to me. You have to talk to someone about it eventually. It's not healthy to keep it all in." She whispered as she crawled over and sat herself next to her broken best friend.

Sophia was surprised at the wave of emotion that came over her and she found herself sobbing into Bevin's shoulder for what seemed like hours. Bevin didn't let go of her until she felt Sophia's breathing even out and her body was no longer shaking. "I... I don't know how much longer I can do this for." Sophia's voice was cracking as she spoke and the redness lining her eyes were making them a lighter shade of green than they actually were.

Bevin pulled her back over and let Sophia's head rest against her shoulder while she ran her fingers through Sophia's dark curls. "I know Soph. I know." She whispered as she tried to tell her friend words of comfort.

"I just wanna know what I did to deserve this." She was beginning to sob again and she began to hold onto Bevin tighter, as if any second she would be ripped away from her and she would be left alone yet again. She didn't want to be alone. She was afraid to be alone. Because the way things had been going for her she didn't think she would make it much longer that way.

"Sophia Anna Bush!" Bevin gently yet assertively hissed back at Sophia as she pushed her off of her and grabbed her by her shoulders so that Sophia was face to face with her. "I don't want to ever hear you say that again. You didn't do anything and will never," She said, making the word "never" distinct. "do anything to deserve something like this. You're the best person I know Sophia. You're strong. You'll work past this." Her voice began to lower and so did her grip. "You know the saying, 'everything happens for a reason'. Maybe it happened to you, because you're one of those people that can work past it and it will strengthen you both?" Bevin's last words were almost inaudible due to the fact that she felt guilty for making it all sound so plain and simple.

"I don't wanna lose him."

"You won't lose him."

Sophia simply half nodded, not completely convinced with herself, or with her friend's answer.


	3. First Love

**WOW! Thanks so much for all the comments guys! They seriously mean so much to me. I don't know any of you guys' names, so if you plan on sticking around, post your name in the comment you leave, that way I can reply to your comments better and we can all get to know each other haha. So, this chapter was so rushed. I actually haven't even spell checked it, since my program decided to stop working. Sooo I am so sorry for spelling mistakes, I just wanted to get it up tonight. This will be the last short chapter you guys will have to read, you can expect them to be twice as long as they are now. Since I have my other BL story going strong, I want to be able to UD this one and the other one at least once a week, so keep the comments coming since they keep me motivated! Thanks again for you guys that commented, it honestly means the world and I'm flattered that you enjoy my writing.**

**Xx Nathalie**

* * *

The sun had yet to come up and Sophia was already making her way towards the trailer. She could feel the piercing eyes of crew workers following her every step. She thought that by now everyone would have moved on and gossiped about something else, but Sophia was clearly wrong. So with that she quickened her step and widened the fake smile.

The trailer door felt cold against her finger tips and she expected to walk into a dark trailer, but instead was greeted by Joy and Moira. "What are you guys doing here?" Sophia smiled, placing her keys on a small table and making her way towards the women she had become so close to in the past few years. She could tell by their expressions that what they had to say wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Sorry," Moira apologetically smiled and Joy gave one of her famous nervous giggles. "we just wanted to talk to you and see how things have been." Moira continued and gave Joy a gentle squeeze on the shoulder sensing her discomfort.

"I'm okay." Sophia shrugged, looking down, and fumbling with the scarf she had wrapped around her neck. "Liar." She told herself. Things weren't fine. They were far from fine. Why couldn't she just tell the truth. She needed to tell someone how she really felt, how hurt she really was. She tried telling Bevin, she actually told Bevin small parts of it, but never the whole thing. She felt as though it was trying to claw its way out. Like she needed to fully and truly let out all the emotions she was hiding inside. But Sophia didn't. She couldn't let anyone know how hurt she was because of him. How weak she was. How weak she was when it came to him.

"Sweetie," Moira whispered, getting up and making her way towards Sophia. She sat down next to her and Sophia instinctively pulled away a little as Moira scooted closer. But when Moira pulled her into a hug Sophia for the first time in days felt safe and comforted. "don't tell me you're okay. Because we all know you're far from okay. I know you're a strong girl Soph. But telling us won't change the way we think of you. You can't get through this alone baby." Moira whispered as she held her grip on Sophia's tense body.

Sophia slowly nodded and when she felt Moira's grip loosen she slowly pulled away and swallowed. "I just feel like... like... like I've lost him." She stopped and tightly closed her eyes until she was sure the tears were gone. "It won't ever be the same. I don't want to be on my own. I need him..." Sophia stopped again and this time she looked at Moira, as if she was looking for approval. Moira smiled with sympathy and nodded for her to continue. "I remember the first time I ever saw him, I remember everything. I remember the first time he told me how much he loved me." Sophia was now freely talking, as if her mind was turned off and it was a deeper part of her speaking, the part she had locked away for the past few months. "Everything without him feels wrong. Life without him feels wrong. But if I take him back... how bad would I look?" Sophia shook her head and gave a small raspy laugh. "If he gets away with this, yeah he could stay faithful for a while... but maybe in a few years he would be tempted again. And he would know I forgave him before, so he would think I'd forgive him again. And why? Why if he says he loves me _sooooooooo_ much, and that he would never hurt me, would he cheat on me? Because I can't think of anything more painful." Sophia finished, and with that went back to reducing herself to almost nothing.

Moira nodded, as if she understood the last things Sophia said. Like she somehow understood the inner struggle Sophia must be going through right now. Sophia was tentatively looking at her, hoping that whatever she was about to say could somehow point her in the right direction, because she was lost.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. But from my few years of experience, I'll tell you my opinion." Sophia nodded and she could feel her heart thumping wildly. "He loves you." Moira laughed and Sophia couldn't help but sadly giggle along with her. "We both know that," Moira continued, now turning her gaze into that of a more serious one. "but he screwed up. And to be quite honest with you Sophia, what he did... you will never forget that. It will always be there." She quickly stopped noticing the expression Sophia had on her face. "Now, Sophia Anna! Don't you dare cry." Moira motioned for joy to come over.

"Sorry." Sophia's voice cracked as she gave them both a smile.

Moira waved it away and continued talking. "Now, I'm not saying that life won't ever be good for you guys. Because I know that you both will work through this. But I don't want you to think that hearing him apologize should make you forget everything he ever did wrong. Because it won't, you just need to acknowledge the fact that it happened. Because if you try to hide it away, it will always be there, in the back of your mind, trying to claw it's way out." Moira stopped and looked around the room. Almost as if she wasn't sure of her next words. She turned her gaze back to Sophia and locked eyes with her. "This next part is up to you. Do you love him?" Sophia nodded. "Will you always love him?" Sophia nodded again. "Will you be able to forgive him?" Sophia hesitated for a moment, but slowly nodded. With that last nod it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off. As if, no matter how hard these next few months would be, no matter how many more times he made her cry, she would be okay. Because in the end she would have him.

* * *

"Well, then. I don't think you have much to worry about Mrs. Murray." Moira clapped and Joy jumped on Sophia, taking her in a long embrace. Moira laughed and began getting up.

"Aw Moir, you're leaving!?" Joy pouted, pulling herself off Sophia.

"We have work to do... remember?" Moira joked, giving both girls a wink before walking out of the trailer.

"Feel better?" Joy whispered giving Sophia a small nudge with her shoulder. Sophia looked up at her with a smile on her face. And for the first time in months, Joy could tell it was a real Sophia Anna Bush smile, not one of her fake ones.

"Surprisingly." Sophia nodded.

"Good!" Joy nodded back. "It sucks seeing you both like this." Joy said with a shocked tone, and looked up at Sophia with a confused look on her face. They both began to laugh and Sophia gave her a quick pat on the knee as she began to get up.

"Don't even want to know why you look so shocked that you feel bad for us." Sophia laughed, walking towards her cell phone which she had set on the coffee table along with her keys.

"It's just odd, not seeing you guys together. And that I would feel so bad for two people splitting up... I guess it must be because you really love each other and..." Sophia was no longer listening to what Joy was saying. Instead she had her eyes fixed on the small screen. She couldn't stop reading the three small words. "I'll fix this." Sophia had a permanent smile fixed on her face.

Sophia laughed as Joanne, the hair and makeup lady smudged some flour on her cheeks. Sophia was sitting on the makeup chair and looking over the lines. They were about to begin filming for episode "3.13- The Wind That Blew My Heart Away". Sophia couldn't help but feel really nervous. She knew exactly what this episode was about, and she wasn't sure she could keep her composure. She just had to keep reminding herself, this was Brooke and Lucas, not her and Chad. In Tree Hill all her problems didn't exist.

"How's Chad?" Joanne asked, bringing Sophia back.

"Uh... I don't really know?" Sophia shrugged feeling a little guilty. "Okay, I guess."

"And how are you?"

"I'm better." Sophia whispered.

"I'm glad to hear that, I knew you guys would work things out."

Sophia didn't say anything, instead she let out a breath and slowly nodded her head, as if she was trying to convince herself.

"Well, I think I'm all done." Joanne smiled at the mirror, watching Sophia study the makeup and flour decorating her face.

Sophia laughed, scrunching her nose, before getting up and beginning to walk out of the trailer. "Thanks Jo."

* * *

"Alright, Chad... you just walk in drenched." Mark instructs, as Chad watched him walk around the small set, like he wants Lucas to do. "Oh, hey Soph!" Mark greets the petite brunette with a wave before turning back to Lucas. "Then she's gonna come over, say her lines. And kiss." Mark looked up, not failing to notice the tension that had filled the room as he said the last two words. "Or, we can just... we'll save the kiss for the makeup. Build tension." He awkwardly smiled. Mark knew he couldn't keep holding off having them kiss, but he would try his best.

"It's okay, Schawn. We're both professional." Sophia assured him, but that didn't mean she was scared as hell.

"Nah, build the tension." He repeated, turning around and walking towards the director's chair. "You went over your blocking yesterday, right Soph?" Sophia nodded and began to walk towards Mark. She didn't need to be in the scene of "Lucas" coming in. So she sat by Mark and watched Chad mess up. Normally she would laugh and make jokes about it, but not now. Now she didn't even crack a smile when he tripped coming in or accidentally slipped on the wet floor.

After he was finally done it was her turn. She could feel a sick feeling begin to crawl into her and she tried shaking it off. "Soph, you okay?" Mark called from the director's chair.

"Yep!" She called back from across the sound stage, her raspy voice cracking.

"You sure you're okay?" She didn't turn around. Instead she closed her eyes and took in his scent. It felt so good to have him close to her. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and when she felt him grab her shoulders, beginning to massage her, she couldn't help but whimper. "Good." He whispered into her ear seductively, and she let out a low moan, tilting her head a little due to the sensation he was giving her.

"Chad." She finally spoke. Shrugging is hands off of her and beginning to walk to where her cue was. "Professional. Remember?" He smiled and nodded and she tried to keep her smile hidden.

"Alright, Scene 1, take 1. Background! And...Action!"

"It's crazy out there! You got a towel?" Sophia heard "Lucas" speak, which was her cue to skip over to him.

"I.... do you have my next letter?!" She let out all together and placed her hand out. In the script Lucas was supposed to give it to her without hesitation, but knowing Chad, she wasn't completely surprised when he pulled it back and half puckered for a kiss. She felt the old side of her take over, and for the first time in months it felt like everything was normal again. She went with it and as he gently attempted to wipe away some of the flour and go in for a kiss, Sophia snatched up the letter from his hand, and skipped back to a small couch.

"And... cut!" Mark called from across the sound stage. "Great job guys! I don't think we need another take... what do you think Craig?"

"Yeah, we got it."

"Awesome. Go take a quick break guys." Mark instructed and Sophia began to walk out the door and into her trailer, where she knew Patch would be waiting. She heard footsteps running up to her and she didn't bother to turn around. She knew who it was.

"That was pretty good Soph." Chad smiled proudly down at the brunette.

"Yeah, _we_ did alright." She whispered, giving him a small wink. He wasn't sure what had changed in the past few hours. Before when he looked at her there was nothing but pain, but now when he looked at her, her eyes were full of hope.

"I was wondering. Maybe... you wanna come over tonight?" Chad looked down at her with hopeful eyes and was disappointed to see Sophia shake her head. "Listen, Tyler's out. And we could just hangout. Eagles game tonight." He continued trying to tempt her. She laughed knowing exactly what he was doing and then looked up at him more seriously, as if making sure he really wanted this.

"Just watching the game?" She asked cautiously.

"Nothing more." He assured her.

She looked up at him, biting her lip. The way he was looking at her... how could she possibly say no to those baby blue eyes she loves so much? Maybe this was the thing they needed to finally start making steps towards fixing their relationship. Part of her was scared though, this was all being too easy. It was almost as though there had to be a catch. With one last look at him she sighed and threw her hands in the air. "What the heck. I'll come." She laughed and she could see that the smile on his face had already made her decision worth it.


	4. Already Gone

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the sweet reviews. I am so happy that you guys enjoy the story. This is the first chapter I have written in over a couple months. I'm sorry it's not much longer, but hopefully it's better. I also got a beta for the story, her pen name on here is "yaba" and you guys should check out some of her stuff, it's amazing!**

**_Dani_ and_ Laurie_; you girls are absolutely amazing! You guys leave the sweetest comments and I really look forward to reading more in the future.**

**_Morgan, Nicole,_ and _Briana_; thank you guys for the comments! They were absolutely amazing and I'm really glad you guys like it so far, and Briana, I agree, I love the fact that it's not the characters but actually them. Morgan, woman I know who you are! Don't need to remind me :)**

**Everyone else, thank you SO much and just know the comments mean a lot and keep me going.**

**Also, I will not be updating my other fic "A New Life" for a while. I want to focus on this one and I've just lost motivation with it, and I don't want to write something that I'm not happy with, since it's not really fair for me or you guys. But, I have not quit on it so keep checking on it.**

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please leave a review!**

**Xx Nathalie**

* * *

_Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye_

Even with our fists held high  
It never would've worked out right  
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

Sophia hesitated before walking out of her car. She was still not sure why she had agreed to this "date", or whatever the hell it was supposed to be. Truth is, she was still hurt. Sure the wounds were healing, but she knew she wasn't ready for this.

Before she had the chance to ring the doorbell, Chad had already opened the door. She couldn't help but stare at him. The man of her dreams was standing feet from her, and at the same time, that man was her worst nightmare.

Her family didn't think he deserved her. Hell, her mother _begged_ her to quit the show. She couldn't. She couldn't do that to the crew, to the fans, to herself. At least, that was her excuse, because the truth felt selfish. She didn't want to quit because that would mean not seeing him again, and even if it hurt, she would rather see him than not.

"You're a little late." He smiled to her when she walked by him, entering the apartment.

"Did I miss anything?" She asked while placing her purse on a coffee table.

"No." She didn't need to look up to feel him staring at her. It was as if every where his eyes went, they burned deep into her skin.

"Chad." She stopped and tried to think of words.

"I'm glad you came." Sophia could feel her heart beginning to beat wildly into her chest with every step he took. She wanted to walk away, or even better, tell him to fuck off and not do this to her, but for once in her life, Sophia couldn't come up with words.

He sensed her discomfort and instantly felt guilty for making her feel uncomfortable. He looked away from her and rubbed his eyes while he tried to think of something to say.

"Wanna make popcorn?" He couldn't help but laugh when he looked up and saw her giving him an excited smile.

"Sure." He nodded and walked into the kitchen, she followed.

"Are you going to the movies tomorrow?"

"I wasn't planning on it, why?" Chad was tearing the wrapper off of the small bag of popcorn and looking at her organizing cups from the corner of his eyes.

"We're all going, you should come." She wasn't looking up at him, and he could tell she was nervous.

"Yeah, I'll come." He said, placing the bag of popcorn in the microwave and shooting a smile at Sophia, which she returned hesitantly. He loved her smile, he loved the dimples that formed every time she did, but lately her smile wasn't what it used to be.

"Where's Tyler anyways?"

"I don't know, probably some concert."

"That would make sense." Sophia laughed and rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.

He began to walk to the microwave, but turned around when he saw her walking into the living room. He hesitated for a moment, but made his was into the room.

"Soph, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She replied to him and he noticed that her voice was raspier then usual.

"I know, but I can't help it, I want you to know how sorry I am."

She took in a deep breath and turned around so she was face to face with him. "It's fine Chad, I already told you a million times that it's fine. Maybe now we can just start working on us." Her voice cracked as she finished speaking.

"You mean?"

"I'm not mad Chad."

"I miss you _so_ much." He whispered, taking her small chin between his pointer finger and his thumb. She still took his breath away.

"I miss you too." She returned a faint smile to him, but he could see that her eyes were full of insecurities and worries.

"What's on your mind Soph?" He wanted her to tell him what was wrong, he needed her to let out whatever she was holding in. He knew it would hurt to hear her say whatever it was, but it needed to be done.

She gently shook her head out of his grasp and began to get her jacket and purse together.

"Soph, please."

She stopped and turned back to him. When she finally did speak she didn't sound angry or bitter, she just sounded broken. "Why am I like _this_? Chad, you wont ever, _ever_ realize how much what you have done has hurt me. Chad, do you know what it feels like to think that the love you feel for someone isn't being returned? I love you so much." She stopped and pushed the long curls out of her face. "I miss you so much, but I can't tell if this is all just a game to you. You love me, sure, but do you honestly want this?" She made a hand gesture toward herself.

"Of course I want you." He cut in before she had the chance to continue. "Why wouldn't I? I've never wanted or loved someone this much. I want everything with you." He whispered as he took her hands into his.

"I just, it kills me to not know what to do."

"You don't have to know what to do Sophia. Just know that no one else will have me like you do." He pulled her hand to his chest. "I was overwhelmed before, I was a fucking dumb ass, but you won't ever have to worry about that again." He whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.

"You love me?" She whispered, her eyes locked on his.

"I love you more than you can ever imagine."

"I think I have a small idea." She smiled.

"Not even close." He smiled back and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry I hurt you, I wish there was something else to say." He whispered into her hair.

"Promise me that you won't ever do something like this again, and_ if_ you ever feel like you might, you'll talk to me." She spoke into his chest and he could feel her shaky breathing against him.

"I promise you, on everything, that you won't ever have to worry." He felt her nod her head against his chest and he was about to pull her into a kiss when he heard the door open and then close.

Sophia looked over and was confused when she saw Kenzie drop her bag in the same spot Sophia had dropped hers, and that was when Kenzie realized what she had just walked into.

"What are you doing here?" At first Sophia had a smile on her face, but that was soon wiped away when she saw the expressions Kenzie and Chad had on their faces. She felt stupid for not realizing this earlier, she felt like a fucking idiot for believing any of the bullshit that Chad had just sold to her seconds ago.

She pulled away from him and she wanted to look at him, but something inside of her wouldn't allow her to. She walked past Kenzie and began to yet again collect her things.

"Sophia, it's not what it seems!" Chad raced after her, pushing Kenzie to the side. He knew Sophia wouldn't listen to anything he was saying, but he was desperate.

"Fucking save it." She hissed, her back still to him as she crammed her cell phone into her purse.

"Sophia, listen to me!"

"No!" She turned around and for a split second he didn't recognize the person looking at him. "I don't ever want to talk to you. If you say you fucking love me so much, then do me a favor and don't talk to me. I don't want to fucking hear any of it!" She spat to him, the tears streaming endlessly down her face.

"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed into her face and he could see Sophia's face contort with a mixture of anger and shock. "_You_ know _you_ wanted something like this to happen, the first fucking chance_ you_ got_ you_ would use it as an excuse to end things." He said, while pointing a finger directly into her face.

"Excuse me Chad, but I'm not the one screwing that little whore!" Sophia hissed, pointing in the direction of where Kenzie was standing.

"Who do-" Kenzie began speaking, but before she had a chance to continue Chad cut her off.

"You stay out of this!" He said fiercely, acknowledging her presence for the first time since she had arrived. "I'm not sleeping with her!" He turned back to Sophia.

"Then why is she here!?"

"I don't know." He whispered, he knew that it was a shitty answer and he didn't expect her to accept it.

"Did you sleep with her?" Sophia asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes."

She let out a small laugh and her eyes turned a dark shade of green. "Nothing ever lasts." She said shaking her head. "Including _us_."

"Soph." He whispered, he was trying to fight back the tears that were now burning his eyes. His lips felt dry and when he tried to lick them, he realized his mouth was just as dry.

"No, listen to me Chad. I am done. I can't take this anymore. My mom was right, you are_ not_ the guy for me. I'm not even in love with you, I'm in love with who I thought you were." Every word that escaped her mouth was like a knife being stabbed into him.

"I slept with her, once but not anymore. I'm not lying." He whispered even though he knew he had already lost.

"I don't care Chad. I'm sorry, but I don't." With that she picked up her purse and walked out of the apartment.

_want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone_

Looking at you makes it harder  
But I know that you'll find another  
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive  
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

* * *

Sophia tried to contain the noises that were escaping her lips every time she tried to breathe. She had been crying for the last three hours and for some reason in those last three hours she had never missed anyone as much as she missed Chad now. All she could think about was him. Her mind was endlessly going over and over everything that had just happened, torturing her without reprieve.

She pulled her knees close to her chest and rested the side of her head against them. She couldn't stand this anymore. She was too damn good for him, she respected herself too much to ever let a guy think that he could get away with sleeping with someone else, but then why was it impossible to picture herself without him?

All she wanted was the happy ending she thought she would get with him. She wanted him in her life, she wanted to celebrate their first anniversary, she wanted to have babies with him, she wanted everything with him. He was the man for her, and it hurt her to think that she might not be the woman for him.

She crawled to the corner of her bed, where she had thrown her purse hours ago, and searched for a few seconds before pulling her cell phone out. She didn't bother to look at any of the text messages or any of the missed calls, she knew who they were from.

Sophia hesitated for a moment, then she slowly pressed the number "1", the speed dial for Chad. It seemed like hours passed in between each ring and when she heard him say her name she almost didn't answer.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed into the phone. "I'm sorry for everything, I," Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath and attempted to wipe the tears before continuing. "I want to make this work. I want you to come home, _please_. We can get through this." She begged into the phone and instantly felt the weight being lifted from her shoulders.

"I," Chad stopped talking and Sophia heard giggling in the background.

"Who are you with?" She could feel her body tense and she felt as though a knife had just been dug into her chest.

"No one, I'm at a club-" She could sense the panic in his voice, she didn't even give him a chance to explain himself before she flipped the phone closed and threw it on the floor.

She pulled her hands to her face and didn't bother to push her bangs aside. She laid down on the bed and continued to cry into the darkness, because there wasn't else she could do. He blew the chance she was going to give him before she even gave it to him.

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone_

I'm already gone, already gone  
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone  
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye

* * *

An hour had yet to pass and she looked up when she saw her bedroom door open.

"I don't want you here." She sighed, turning her head back onto the pillow.

"I'll leave you alone, but first I want you to at least hear me out." He said while he walked over to the opposite side of the bed. She didn't reply to him or make any movement indicating for him to continue, but he did anyways. "After you left I told Kenzie to leave, I went over to James' house and I talked to him, then he asked me to go to the bar and I went." He paused and he saw her slightly move under the covers. "The girls you heard where some fans that saw us and came over, if you don't believe me I'm sure they are still there." He stopped again when he saw her turn around. She was looking at him and he could swear that he had never seen so much beauty in someone so broken.

"That's the truth?" She asked, her voice failing her. The word truth came out cracked, and he found it ironic, since that's how it had been for the last few months. "I want you to tell me _everything_. I want to know everything you did. I don't want there to be any lies, anything that could come back up in the future and jeopardize anything we _may_ have."

He nodded his head and began to tell her everything that he had done wrong in the last year; everything that he had kept inside, everything that he was feeling then, and everything he was feeling now. By the time he was done speaking both of them had tears in their eyes and Sophia motioned for him to come over. He did, and he felt her hands wrap around his neck and back.

He wrapped his arms around her and it felt so good to be in her arms, to be close to her again, to not have a wall of lies separating them emotionally. She ran her fingers through his hair before gently kissing him on his forehead.

"Why did everything get so messed up for us?" She didn't reply to his question because she had been asking herself this for the past few months. They didn't break from the embrace until Sophia rubbed his shoulders and pushed him back, their eyes locked and all she could do was concur up a small smile.

"It's late, and we have work tomorrow." She huskily whispered.

"Will you be okay?"

She ignored his question. "I'll see you tomorrow."

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone_

I'm already gone, already gone  
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on so I'm already gone  



	5. Happy

**Hey all! Thank you so much for leaving the lovely reviews. Don't have much to say, not sure if I like this chapter but I wanted to just get it up... I hope you guys enjoy it and please leave a review letting me know what you thought :)**

**I'm sorry I kept taking it down, there was a huge mistake that would happen everytime it got posted and I think I finally figured out why :) If certain parts of conversations are missing the quotations, it's due to FF.**

**ALSO IMPORTANT: Would you like this to have a happy or realistic ending? Leave a review letting me know, the one with the most will get it, or I might do two different endings, but this isn't ending any time soon, I'd just like to know which way I need to take it.**

**Xx Nathalie**

* * *

_Someone once told me that you have to choose  
What you win or lose  
You can't have everything  
Don't cha take chances  
Might feel the pain  
Don't cha love in vain  
Cause love won't set you free  
I could stand by the side  
And watch this life pass me by  
So unhappy  
But safe as could be_

She watched as Chad left her room and she gave him one last smile before the door closed behind him. She slightly turned her body towards the wall, and rested her head against it, it felt cold, but it was better than feeling nothing. She pulled a pillow into her lap and reached for her phone.

"Soph?" Sophia couldn't help but smile when she heard her best friend, Morgan, on the other end. "Babe, what's wrong? Sophia could sense the worried tone in her voice and in an odd way that made her feel good, it made her feel like someone cared.

"I need help." Sophia breathed out.

"What?" She could hear Morgan fumbling on the other side and she was guessing that Morgan was getting out of bed.

"Momo, I honestly don't know what to do." Sophia didn't need to specify the subject, Morgan knew what this late night conversation was about.

"He doesn't deserve you." Morgan spoke firmly. "Sophia, let's be logical, you can't be with this man after what he has done to you."

"I know, I know, and I thought that it would be easy to let him go, but Mo, I _can't_."

"Sophie, what do you want me to say?"

"Anything." There was a pause and she could picture Morgan tapping her lip, as she always did when she was in deep thought.

"Is he worth the risk? The heartache? You know I'm your best friend, I want the best for you, I don't want to see you sad, honey. You love him, I know that, but you're just too damn good for him."

"But Mo, he's my everything." Sophia whispered into the receiver and she could feel her throat begin to tighten. She didn't want to cry, not now, not to Morgan.

"Come to L.A. Get away from everything, spend time with us, your family, we're all here for you. Maybe you just need sometime to think."

"But what if I leave him and-" Sophia was cut off by Morgan before she could continue talking.

"Damn it Sophia. This is exactly it! You can't keep watch over him in the hopes that you can prevent him from ever sleeping with someone else!" Her voice began to rise and when she heard Sophia's shaky breathing through the phone she brought her voice down. "I'm sorry."

"You're right, maybe I just need a break." Sophia said hesitantly, more to herself than to Morgan.

"You have me, Monica, Jaime, Brittany, your mom. Everyone. We're all on your side." She stopped for a second and let out a sigh. "And we will support whatever decision you make."

"Thank you." Sophia whispered into the phone, her voice cracking as it always did when she was about to cry.

"Don't cry!" Morgan said with a small laugh.

"I'm trying not to over here!" Sophia laughed back.

"We miss you Sopher B."

"I miss you Momo F."

"We're throwing Jaime her baby shower, I know you said you couldn't come, but please try." Morgan said with a hopeful voice.

"I'll be there."

"Good because we miss yo fine ass." Morgan said attempting to sound ghetto.

"Morgan, that only works when you're drunk!" Sophia hissed trying to fight back giggles.

"You're probably right." Morgan replied, laughing.

"Thanks for talking to me." Sophia said, feeling surprisingly better. It amazed her how easily her friends could make her feel better. Her marriage may be failing, but one thing she was sure of, her friendships weren't.

"If you ever need anything, anything at all, don't even think twice about it. I'm here. Always. And I like men, so I won't be sleeping with any girls." Morgan said with a small laugh. That's what Sophia loved about her, Morgan always listened, and she knew when to bring humor into the situation.

"Morgan! That's terrible!" Sophia said in a mixture of shock and disbelief due to the fact her friend had just made a joke of her failing marriage. "Love you."

"Night." Morgan whispered before hanging up the phone.

Sophia put her cell phone on her night stand and crawled under the covers. She pulled them up to her chin and she couldn't keep her body from shaking. She wasn't cold, she was nervous. She was scared of what would happen. But now she needed sleep, her body felt as though it would crumble apart any second, and she had a pounding headache behind her hazel eyes. She slowly closed them and pictured herself in a big backyard, watching little children run around, while the man of her dreams held her in his arms.

_So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge  
My feet run out of ground  
I gotta find my place  
I wanna hear myself  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me  
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah  
Just wanna be happy, yeah_

* * *

"He didn't even know how to read!" Sophia walked into set to find Joy very much into a story she was telling. Chad, Hilarie, James, Lee, Bevin, and Danneel were sitting around the room, laughing and listening.

"Look who showed up!" Danneel joked as they all turned around when Sophia walked through the doors.

"Sorry, long night." Sophia apologetically smiled, she couldn't help but linger her eyes towards Chad.

"You're coming tonight, right?" Bevin said, getting up and walking towards Sophia.

"I don't think I can make it." Sophia replied, sending Bevin a small shrug.

Bevin waited until she was face to face with her before whispering to her, so the others couldn't hear. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Sophia said unsure as to why Bevin was asking her this.

"No, are you like,_ okay_? Your eyes are so bloodshot and you look a mess." Bevin said gingerly pulling Sophia into a hug.

"Lack of sleep does that to people." Sophia said jokingly into Bevin's shoulder.

"Alright." Bevin pulled away and gave her one last look.

"Sophia, come here!" Sophia looked up to see the whole cast and crew laughing over something that she was oblivious to.

"What?" Sophia said while walking over.

"Drew doesn't believe about your birth defect." Hilarie pointed towards a man Sophia had never seen before.

"It's totally legit." Sophia said as she began to push her hair away from the back of her neck. She could see the new crew member hesitate, so she grabbed his arm with her free hand and placed it where the birth defect was.

"That's disgusting." He said laughing as he pulled away.

"The first day we were all on set she made us all feel it. Definitely what you would call an ice breaker." Chad laughed. He couldn't help but think of the first time that he had ever seen her. One of his first thoughts were 'I hope I have to make out with this chick.' Which used to make Sophia laugh every time he told her. He didn't expect Sophia to be a smart girl. Most pretty girls in Hollywood weren't. But his mind soon changed after spending most of the day talking to her about her background and her obvious love of cars.

He was snapped out of it when Mark came in and told them to get into hair and makeup. The start of the day went fine. There wasn't too much awkwardness between them and every now and then he would catch her laughing at something someone said and that made him feel good. He missed hearing her laugh, and even though it wasn't still what it used to be, it was a step.

They were all sitting around the lunch table and Sophia's mood had obviously gone down since the morning. He was sure he knew why. In less then an hour they would have to film the makeup scene between Brooke and Lucas.

"Can you guys go over your lines?" Mark asked as he walked up to the table.

Sophia nodded her head and she looked up at him, giving a small smile that was meant to come off reassuring, but it didn't.

"Cool." Mark replied before walking away.

"My trailer or yours?" Chad asked, he was now throwing away his food and walking in the direction of Sophia.

"Yours." She huskily whispered.

He nodded and began to lead the way. "How has your day been so far?" He asked, trying to make small talk.

"Fine, yours?" She wasn't looking at him, instead she had her eyes glued to the ground.

He ignored her question, there was no sense in lying. "Tyler is having a small show on Saturday, want to come?"

"I can't. I'm going home tonight."

"What do you mean?" A sensation of despair began to creep it's way into his body.

"I want to be with my family."

"I _am_ your family." She stopped walking for a second, and he did too. He could see her having an inner battle with herself, as if she was deciding if she should say what she was about to. But she began to walk again and she tucked away whatever it was she was going to say.

"Chad, you always make things worse." She could see the confused expression on his face. "You leave things on good terms one second, and then you say something that just makes it all completely worse."

"What exactly did I say?"

"Everything! You just never say the right thing." She finally looked at him. She looked tired, as if she had spent the last few months fighting a war that she was about to lose.

"Because I don't know what to say. You even said last night that you didn't know what to do either."

"But I'm not the one that messed up, I don't have to know what to say."

"Please don't go to L.A." He whispered, he begged her.

"Now, that's a pretty selfish request." She slowly shook her head and took a deep breath, hoping that it would eliminate her frustration.

"Can I come with you?" He sounded like a small child, begging his mom to take him Christmas shopping with her.

"No, the point is to be far away from you. I can't think clearly with you _always_ there."

_Holding on tightly  
Just cant let it go  
Just trying to play my role  
Slowly disappear, ohh  
All these days I feel like they're the same  
Just different faces, different names  
Get me outta here  
I can't stand by your side, ohh no  
Watch this life pass me by, pass me by  
_

They finally made it to the trailer, and the conversation was put on pause until they were both inside. She lingered by the door for a few seconds, then hesitantly sat on the couch closest to her.

"You're my wife. You're my soul mate. You're my everything. What can I do to show you how much you mean to me?" He had his head resting in his palms, and he wasn't looking at her.

"There's nothing."

"But you said we would be together again." She was shaking her head back and fourths and when she brought her eyes to his, he could see them beginning to glaze over with tears.

"No Chad, I said we could try to work this out. There isn't anything you can do, all there is to do is forgive, and I don't know if I can forgive this."

"I can't _not_ have you in my life."

"Everything heals, Chad. Sure, your heart might be broken, but it will heal."

"Sophia... please."

"No, I wish I could tell you it's all okay, I do. I wish I could erase it all, I wish I could protect you from the big bad world. But I can't." She wanted to hold him in her arms, to tell him that everything would be okay between them, but she grew up being told not to lie, and she wasn't about to start.

"I don't want anyone else." He begged to her, she could see the faint tears beginning to slowly fall from his eyes. She followed them until they streamed down his neck.

"Don't do this to me." She tried to breathe when she became aware of the tears falling from her face but she was unable to, as if all the air from the room had been sucked out when they first entered.

"I've never meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"I love you."

"If you love me, you need to be able to let me go." With that she got up and began to walk out of the trailer. She stopped when she opened the door, contemplating if she wanted to do this. She knew if she walked away now, it would make everything worse and probably un-fixable. But she loved him, and she knew that he would eventually find someone else. He deserved someone that wouldn't hesitate every time they kissed, or every time they whispered 'I love yous' before bed. She walked down the steps, and closed the door behind her.

She heard it open again and she felt his cold hand take grip of her small wrist.

"Can't you just stop? Please, just listen to what your heart is telling you. Screw everyone else, this is about us!"

"I can't! You want me to tell you I love you!? I fucking love you more than anything. You want me to tell you that my heart is breaking!? Its' fucking breaking! You want me to tell you that I miss you!? I fucking miss you!" She sobbed to him and tried to wipe the tears away. "Damn it." She laughed, and the tears came down heavier. "Are you happy?"

He pulled her into his arms and she flinched at his touch. She didn't wrap her arms around him, but let them hang lifelessly by her side. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest, and her breathing was coming in fast, small gusts. He face began to feel hot against his chest, and he could feel the tears soaking through.

"I want _you_ to be happy, with _me_." He kissed her hair and began to gently rub her back as her breathing began to feel like it should.

"I want to more than anything." She choked out.

"We can get through this, Sophia." He whispered into her hair, and he pushed it away from her face. She was resting her face against his chest, and her eyes were fixed up, staring into his.

"Sometimes I don't think that we can." She whispered shamefully.

"But baby, we can." He had a small melancholy smile.

"But it hurts too much."

"I won't ever hurt you again. I promise."

"Your promises don't mean anything anymore, Chad." She buried her face into his chest and let her emotions take control, as she began to sob into his chest harder.

"I wish I never would have found out." She managed to force out through the sobs.

"Don't say that. I'm glad it did."

"No. I wish it hadn't. I wish it was all a lie. We could have had our happily ever after."

"But the truth is better than a lie." He whispered to her.

"But the truth hurts."

"You're right, Soph."

"About what?" He wiped a few tears from her face when she looked up at him.

"You should go see your family. We're not moving forward, I don't want us to crash, and I don't want you to feel like you're alone."

She nodded against his chest, and watched a single tear escape from behind his eyes. "Just know that no matter what, there's _always_ going to be a place in me that you can call home." She picked her arms up and draped them around his body.

"There won't be a no matter what, we're going to be together Sophia Anna Bush, because you're worth fighting for. It'll be hard, but I won't ever give up." He looked at her and he could see a small tear fall from her chin. She went to say something, but stopped, hesitated like she did earlier, and simply gave him a smile. It was the first smile that she had given him in the past few months that didn't make his heart cringe.

_So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge  
My feet run out of ground  
I gotta find my place  
I wanna hear myself  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me  
Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh_

* * *

"I'll keep an eye on him for you." Hilarie joked. She had offered to drive Sophia to the airport so Sophia wouldn't have had to leave her car in the lot.

"Thanks." Sophia replied sarcastically. She turned around to check on Patch who was laying down in the back seat.

"Are you not taking Joe?" Hilarie knew that Patch and Joe, Chad's dog, were inseparable. She wished she hadn't asked, since Sophia quickly wiped her smile away.

"I thought Chad should keep him for now, it's his dog." Sophia turned back around and began to fumble around on her phone.

"Are things any better? He won't talk to me about it."

"Not really, we're not moving forward, if anything we're moving backwards." Sophia paused and began to look out the window. "I feel like I'm the only one putting a good effort in, and it's not being returned." She turned back to Hilarie. "I shouldn't be the one trying to make it work."

"Sophia, just because his efforts aren't helping doesn't mean he isn't trying." Hilarie replied, sending her a quick glance from the corner of her eyes.

"Maybe." Sophia nodded.

"He's a guy, he has no clue what to do." Hilarie laughed, pulling her right hand away from the steering wheel and gently squeezing Sophia's leg. "Hang in there."

"Did you know that he was cheating on me?" Sophia asked bluntly. She knew how close Hilarie and Chad were, and for a long time she had wanted to ask Hilarie. But she was afraid of the answer, and what that would do to her and Hilarie's relationship.

Sophia could see Hilarie's body get tense and it seemed as though Hilarie was holding her breath. "Of course not." She finally spoke, giving Sophia a confident smile.

"Is that the truth?" Sophia asked, even though she already knew the truth. Hilarie's reaction wasn't what she was hoping for, three years of working with someone, you could read them pretty well.

"Yes."

Sophia nodded her head, and shot Hilarie a fake smile. She was trying to tell herself that she didn't care that Hilarie had kept the truth from her. She wanted to believe Hilarie, but she couldn't. It hurt to know that someone she thought so highly of, and loved like a sister, had lied to her, and the worst part was that she was denying the lie. Maybe Chad was right, the truth was better than a lie, because now, it _hurt_ just as bad.

Hilarie opened the door of the backseat to let Patch out while Sophia went to the trunk to get the small luggage she had brought. When Sophia had everything ready, they awkwardly stood in front of each other for a few seconds before Sophia pulled Hilarie into a hug.

"Have a safe flight." Hilarie mumbled when they pulled apart.

"Thanks." Sophia nodded and tugged on Patch who was sitting down on the side walk next to the car. "Come on buddy." Sophia coaxed and Patch began to get up and followed her through the motion activated doors.

_So and it's just that I can't see  
The kind of stranger on this road  
But don't say victim  
Don't say anything_

_

* * *

_

"Jaime!" Sophia squealed as she began to run to her very pregnant best friend! "Jesus, look at you! You're huge!" Sophia laughed and gently brought her hand to Jaime's stomach.

"Thanks for reminding me." Jaime replied sarcastically. "Soph, sweetie, look at you." Jaime pushed Sophia's bangs to the side and she felt a tug in her heart when she saw the dark bags under Sophia's eyes from lack of sleep and stress.

"Don't worry about it." Sophia tried to wave it away by giving Jaime a small smile, but Jaime wouldn't have it.

"You're too sweet to be sad." Jaime draped her arm over Sophia's shoulder and they began to walk towards the baggage claim.

"How are the kids?" Sophia asked trying to change the subject.

"Crazy as always." Jaime laughed.

"That's how I like them." Sophia laughed and scrunched her nose at Jaime.

"Do your parents know you're in town?"

"Of course."

"Well, it's good to have you home."

"Feels good to be home." It did feel good, but at the same time Sophia wished she could go back to Wilmington, be where Chad was. The thousands of miles between them made her miss him more than she had before, and it gave her a small taste of how her life might be from now on, and she didn't like it.

_So what if it hurts me?  
So what if I break down?  
So what if this world just throws me off the edge  
My feet run out of ground  
I gotta find my place  
I wanna hear myself  
Don't care about all the pain in front of me  
I just wanna be happy_


	6. Hope Is Gone

**Hey girls! I'm so sorry it's been almost a month from the last update. This Holiday season was crazy (in an extremely good way)! This chapter isn't my favorite, but I wanted to UD asap, so this is all I could come up with for now. **

**IMPORTANT: Yes, they will be getting a divorce, some people want a realistic endind, so I will give them that. I'll try my best at putting this without being too spoilerish. Will they divorce? Yes. Will there be a big time jump to present time? Yes. So, for the big percentage of you guys that want them together, you'll be getting that in the end. All of us hope that they would get together in present time, so I think that's where I'm going to bring it to. The time jump wont be for a chapter or two though. I'm thinking to have it start sometime during the last episodes of Season 6, what do you guys think? **

**And like always, please leave a review, they keep me motivated!**

* * *

_When I saw your face  
It was like a space  
In my heart was filled  
It's like I knew  
From the very start  
That you were every other part of me  
_

Sophia followed Jaime through the tall glass doors and slipped her flats off. The car ride to Jaime's had be an oddly quiet one. The two friends always had something to gossip about, and they hadn't seen each other in almost a year, but Jaime wasn't stupid, and she wasn't about to press Sophia for answers to the questions she had been asking since she found out her best friend's husband had cheated on her.

Sophia lingered around the living room and admired the beautiful family pictures Jaime had hanging on every wall. She couldn't help but smile, but she also couldn't ignore the sadness that made it's way inside of her. She envied Jaime. She envied her because Jaime had the perfect husband, the perfect kids, seemingly the perfect life. Sophia was aware that thinking this way wasn't fair, because she had a lot of things that millions would kill for, but she would give every single one of those things away if it meant that she would get the man of her dreams, and the perfect family.

"They get big so fast." Sophia slightly jumped when she felt Jaime brush past her and pick up a picture that was meticulously placed on top of a coffee table.

"They do." Sophia barely whispered, still consumed in her thoughts.

Jaime shot her a curious look from the corner of her eyes and placed the picture back in it's spot, giving it one last look before turning back to Sophia.

"What are you thinking?" Jaime asked as she made her way to towards the couch, Sophia hesitantly followed.

"Just how lucky you are." Sophia smiled at Jaime and Jaime smiled back.

"No Soph, what are you _really_ thinking." Sophia looked at her confused, and when she saw the serious look on Jaime's face she couldn't help but laugh. She knew what Jaime was trying to get at and she loved Jaime for trying to help, but all Sophia wanted to do was forget Chad for now.

"Jaime, I love you to death, but can we not?"

"I thought the point of you coming here was so you could to talk us about it?" Jaime asked and Sophia could tell that Jaime felt insulted.

"I don't really know why I'm here." Sophia replied honestly.

"Let's see, your husband just cheated on you, what other reason is there?" Jaime wasn't sure why she was getting so angry, she wanted to blame it on her hormones, but part of her knew that the only way Sophia would snap out of it and listen was if they used tough love.

Sophia took a deep breath and tried to compose herself before she said something to Jaime that she would regret later.

"I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Sophia! Damn, you can't keep trying to put this off. You need to come to a decision, now talk to me about it." Jaime could see the damage that her words were causing. "I'm sorry Soph, I just, you know you're my best friend. I hate seeing you like this, and you can't blame me for wanting to chop that guy's dick off." Jaime laughed, and pulled Sophia over who began to lightly laugh too.

"I know what I have to do. I just don't want to admit it." Sophia reluctantly replied.

"Do you-" Jaime was about to continue but stopped when she saw Sophia nodding her head.

"We _need_ a divorce." The chill that crawled up Sophia's spine was undeniable and she fought back the urge to cry. Something felt wrong, it shouldn't feel like this. The right things always feel good, so why didn't it feel good now?

_Oh, love of mine  
Why did it take so long to find  
Your touch  
Hope was never gone  
Even though it took so long  
To find you  
_

"Are you... did you…"

"No, I haven't told him."

"Soph..."

"I know, I will." Sophia shakily replied and gave Jaime a reassuring smile.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It's life."

"You're doing the right thing. He's not the guy for you." Jaime sighed, pulling her friend into a hug.

"I don't think I'll ever be in love with someone like I am with him. I gave him everything." Sophia couldn't deny the feeling that began to wash over her. She felt defeated, but she couldn't help but feel as though now she could finally move on, and get back to the person she used to be. Little did she know, she wouldn't become the person she used to be for five years.

"Life will still go on." Jaime whispered into Sophia's hair.

"I just can't get him out of my head."

"You're strong, you will. And you'll have all the good memories."

"I just don't want to lose him, as a friend." Sophia looked up to her friend and Jaime could see the salty tears that were bordering her eyes.

"That's not up to you, that's up to him."

"Jaime you don't understand what this feels like." Sophia began to sob to her, gripping on to her friend's navy blue jacket. "I _can't_ sleep, I _can't_ think, I don't ever wish anyone to be as lonely as I feel right now." Sophia tried holding back the sobs that were protruding from her lips, but her efforts failed.

"You'll be okay." It was simple, but that phrase carried Sophia through the dark nights that awaited her.

"I'm afraid of telling him." Sophia confessed.

"It won't be easy babe, but it has to be done."

"Yeah but, he just, he has the ability to manipulate my thoughts, and I really don't want him talking me out of it."

"So, don't let him." Jaime shrugged.

"It's not that easy." Sophia laughed in frustration, running her manicured nails through her dark, rich locks.

"I didn't say it was."

"You're making it sound like it." Sophia spat back, anger beginning to pool.

"Don't let him make it hard. You're a strong girl, you know what's right." Jaime continued, choosing to ignore Sophia's icy glare.

"But, what if he doesn't want a friendship, I don't know how to be just friends with him Jaime."

"You don't now, but you'll learn." Jaime motioned for her to scoot over, before she draped an arm over Sophia's limp body. "You'll be alright in the end, he might be breaking your heart, but you're not losing him as a friend."

"Really? Because the thing that stings the most is not the fact that I'm losing him as a lover, but that I'm losing him as a friend."

"But why are you so sure of that!?"

"I guess, because a part of me _wants_ to lose him as one."

"What do you mean? What's your reasoning?"

Sophia sighed and bit her bottom lip as she struggled to find the right words. "It would be easier if I cut him out completely."

"That's not healthy." Jaime spoke, giving Sophia a stern look.

"Jaime, can we just drop it for now?" Jaime pulled her arm from around Sophia's shoulder, and motioned as if she was zipping her mouth shut, then gave Sophia the imaginary key, which Sophia threw over her shoulder before bursting out in raspy giggles.

"Where are your little monsters anyways?" Sophia asked, now noticing that they had carried out a full conversation without being interrupted.

"Oh shit! I forgot all about them, come with me!?" Jaime asked, already up and waddling towards the door. Sophia laughed and nodded before grabbing her coat and following her out.

* * *

"Sopheroo!" Brittany squealed when Sophia made her way into the dimly lit bar. She had planned to meet Brittany here. It had been two days sense she told Jaime about her fateful decision , and things still didn't feel any better. She was smart and she knew that nothing could ever work out after what Chad had done, but that didn't mean she wasn't aloud to want it to, to want to be with him.

"Britt!" Brittany got up to meet her brunette best friend with a hug.

"Feels like I haven't seen you in forever." Sophia confessed as they both sat down. Sophia grasped a small piece of Brittany's hair and twisted it around her fingers, admiring her friend's new haircut.

"I know. I feel the same!" Brittany laughed, giving Sophia's hand a small squeeze.

"Have you kept in contact with Arie or Jesse?" Sophia asked while she watched a waiter serve her a tall glass of wine. She smiled at him and turned her gaze back to Brittany.

Brittany shook her head as she swallowed a large gulp of wine, and placed the glass back down on the dark table. "Not really, we've all just been extremely busy." Brittany shrugged and Sophia nodded, mimicking her friend's earlier action and taking a large gulp of the cool wine.

"How's the love life?" Sophia gave a small grunt when she saw her friend stick her tongue out and give her a thumbs down.

"If by love live, you mean one night stands, great, if you mean relationships, horrible." Brittany laughed and they both took another gulp of their drinks.

"Relationships _aren't_ our area of expertise." Sophia laughed and Brittany pulled her over.

"How are you holding up?" Brittany began to curiously watch her.

"I'm better." Sophia truthfully whispered.

"Good, ass face doesn't deserve you." Brittany giggled and Sophia tried to force a laugh out, but she couldn't. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up." Brittany apologetically exclaimed when she noticed the small mood change in her friend.

"It's fine, I brought the love life up." Sophia laughed.

"You'll find someone new and better in no time."

"Yeah." Sophia laughed, rolling her eyes.

"What!? You will!" Brittany laughed, jokingly nudging her friend on the shoulder.

"I don't think I'm ready to be thinking about new relationships just yet." Sophia laughed, finished her drink in one gulp, and signaled for another, Brittany did the same.

"Well, you and Jesse had a thing." Brittany playfully whispered.

"What!?" Sophia was trying to fight back giggles. "You're ridiculous." She laughed, and gave the waiter another smile when he filled up her glass.

"I only speak the truth. You guys eye fucked constantly." Brittany exclaimed, trying to maintain a serious face.

"I'm pretty sure you're high and it's another thing I like to call acting…" Sophia laughed.

"Okay, maybe it was like eye make out, but seriously, if anything, you should get with him." Brittany continued, half seriously.

"Shit, you know what I just dropped?" Brittany looked at her confused and shook her head. "This topic." Sophia laughed and Brittany gave her a playful slap on her arm.

"Just saying Sobu." Brittany laughed throwing her hands in the air in defeat.

"Instead of trying to fix me up, why don't we focus on you." Sophia laughed and cocked her head to the right, scanning the bar.

"Stop you freak!" Brittany laughed, she could tell the alcohol was beginning to do its job. "We should go get pasta!" Brittany wasn't paying attention to Sophia, instead she was tracing the rim of the glass of wine with her pinky. "Does that sound good? Soph?" Brittany finally looked up and the look on her friend's face mortified her. She slowly turned her head and followed Sophia's gaze. At first she didn't know what had captured Sophia's attention, but when the blonde man laughed and slightly turned his head to face the dance floor, Brittany's heart sank.

"Sophia..."

"I'll be right back." Sophia spoke in a monotone voice and the emptiness behind her eyes scared Brittany.

_Because I have loved you since  
From the moment when  
Since time began  
And I have loved you since  
From the moment when  
Since time began  
You fill my heart  
_

"Are you sure? You've been drinking, just call him tomorrow." There was no use. Sophia had already grabbed her purse and was half way to where Chad was by the time Brittany finished her sentence.

"Why are you here?" Sophia was surprised by the way her words had come out. She wasn't aware of the sudden need to cry until he turned around and came face to face with her.

"Soph, what are you-" He had a small surprised smile on his lips, but it was soon erased when she closed her eyes and motioned for him to stop.

"I'm sick of games." She shakily whispered. "Why are _you_ here?" She finally looked up at him.

"I wanted to be close to _you_."

"Don't. Don't pull that. You wanted to be close so you come to a fucking bar?" Her voice was beginning to rise and the few people around them began to shift their attention to the fight that was sure to happen.

"Last we talked you said you'd be in L.A. I didn't want to be far away from you. I flew in a few hours ago and Ryan invited me to the bar. I just wanted to be close to you, I didn't know you would actually be here." He whispered to her. He tried to look into her eyes, but she wouldn't keep eye contact with him, and that hurt him more than he thought possible. "Let's talk somewhere else." Chad began to get up and grab her shoulder, but Sophia pushed him away.

"Don't touch me." She brought her voice back down, but it was still laced with the same amount of venom. She wanted to cry, but the sudden amount of rage inside of her wouldn't allow her to. Sophia was about to say something she would surely regret when she felt the soft grip of her friend's hand on her shoulder.

"Soph, let's go." Brittany coaxed, not wanting to have to even look at Chad, because she knew that if she did, it would end with her in jail and a great story for the papers.

"Britt-"

"No, Soph, you have too much class. Let's go." Brittany coaxed one last time and she felt Sophia shrug her arms away, and begin to walk out the out, which Brittany followed close behind.

* * *

Sophia sat at the small booth at the very back of the restaurant. Last night's events seemed to play out over and over again in her head. She couldn't deny what she saw, and this was the one thing she needed, she kept making up excuses for herself, but not now, now God had finally made it clear that Chad would never change. Chad was not, and will never be the man she imagined him to be, the man he made her believe he was.

She pushed her bangs back and glanced up at the clock. She had agreed to meet him for lunch, and now was the perfect time to tell him that she was done. She was tired, mentally and physically, and she couldn't go through this another day.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She was snapped out of her thoughts when she saw Chad slip into the opposite side of the booth.

"It's fine." She huskily whispered, averting his gaze.

"I'm sorry about last-"

"No, let me talk." She wanted to make sure that there wasn't a possible way he talked her out of it, she needed to keep the fuel he had given her last night, or else she would never get this out.

"I'm tired Chad, my heart hurts. I can't do this anymore, I thought I could, but I can't. I'm sick of always being unhappy, I'm sick of the person I've become. I wanted to try to make it work, and for a while I talked myself into believing that it could, but it can't. I don't want it to." Her voice slightly cracked when she finished speaking, but no tears came out, this wasn't the time to cry.

"You don't have to be unhappy. We can be happy_ together_." She could see the tears that were beginning to pool behind Chad's eyes. Chad wasn't dumb, and Sophia didn't have to say it for him to realize that she wanted a divorce. That didn't meant he wasn't going to try to change her mind.

"I can't be happy with you."

"I don't want you to leave me." He whispered, and for the first time in her life she watched as the man in front of her let his emotions take over. In that moment she could have sworn that she had never seen something so utterly beautiful, yet so broken.

"I love you so much Chad, but I can't be in love with you. You will always have me, you_ know_ that." She whispered, and reached across the table to take his hand in hers.

"I am so sorry for everything. I don't know how to show it to you."

"And that's the thing, you can't." She spoke soothingly and watched as he began to compose himself.

"I'm never going to stop loving you."

"And I won't either, but we'll find someone we love enough to get us through this. We will both get through this."

"I don't want someone else, I want you."

"I'm sorry Chad." She shrugged her shoulders in defeat and gave him a melancholy smile. "You'll be okay. Your heart might be flawed, but time heals all."

"So, that's it? All we have, it's over?"

"I want a divorce."

_And I have loved you since  
From the moment when  
Since time began  
And I have loved you since  
From the moment when  
Since time began  
_


	7. Forget

**RE UPLOADING. I made a mistake with the chapter :)  
**

**Hey girls!** **I know I've been so delayed with updates, and I can't explain how thankful I am for you guys that have stayed faithful and have kept checking back for updates. Your reviews mean the world to me, and I hope ya'll stick around. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you guys all enjoy reading it. Don't forget to please leave a review!**

**XX Nathalie**

* * *

_Let's talk this over  
It's not like we're dead  
Was it something I did?  
Was it something You said?  
Don't leave me hanging  
In a city so dead  
Held up so high  
On such a breakable thread_

"Sophia, you need to believe me when I say my heart belongs to you." Chad shakily whispered into his hands, eyes locked on Sophia's parted lips.

"You say that you love me, but you don't show it." She confessed, her mouth beginning to get dry, and her throat beginning to tighten.

"Because you won't give me a chance!" He shot back, giving her an anxious look. "What can I do to make you believe it?" He pleaded with her.

"Nothing, I've told you, nothing." She sighed.

"Don't leave me."

"All my hope has disappeared, Chad."

"I'm not moving on."

"You will. We both will." She mumbled, not believing what she was saying.

"Just know that you haven't lost me."

Sophia pulled her eyes away from the table and locked them on his. "Who says you've lost me? We will always have each other." She made an attempt at a smile, but he shook it away.

"Is there anyway that we could-"

"No. And we can't get through this alone. I need you, and you need me. We will see each other through." She could feel the tears burning at the back of her eyes, she tried to blink them away, but that only spurred them on. She didn't want to cry, she wanted to be strong for once, but she couldn't. She needed him to understand what needed to be done, she needed him there with her, and they needed each other to get through this.

Chad began to get up, and Sophia's heart sank, thinking that he was leaving. Instead he walked over to her side of the booth, and scooted next to her, gently pulling her body to his.

"I love you so much." He whispered into her neck, taking in her sweet scent. He could feel her body mesh into his, and it once again reminded him of just how perfect they were for each other.

"I love you too." She shakily sighed, not breaking from his embrace.

"This is what you want to do?" He asked, running his hand through her long, curls, admiring the dark contrast against his fingers.

"Yes."

"I wish that you could understand how sorry I am for all the pain I've cost you." He whispered to her again, beginning to feel warm tears slipping down his face.

"We never got the ending we deserved did we?" Chad knew that she didn't expect an answer, but he let the question sit in his mind, deciding to answer her.

"No, I intervened in fate's course."

Hearing Chad say this had the power to bring Sophia to tears, and she tried to wipe them away before they made their way down her cheeks and to her chest. "We'll be happy someday."

"Yeah," he agreed, more for her comfort, since he didn't believe the statement. "You deserve better than me." He continued, truthfully.

"Don't. Don't say that." Sophia pulled away from him, and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Soph, you do." He gave her a small smile, and couldn't help but get butterflies when he saw a small smile play on her lips.

"No, Chad, you're an amazing guy, and honestly, I won't ever find someone like you. You just lost your way, and you made stupid mistakes." She brought her cold palm up to his face, and mindlessly traced his jaw line. "You'll change, and you'll make someone lucky."

"Can this someone have beautiful hazel eyes, and dimples?" Sophia couldn't help but lightly laugh along with him, then she gently shook her head.

"I'm not the one for you." She shrugged, and pushed her bangs to the side.

"I don't believe that." He whispered, taking her small hand from his shoulder, and taking it in his.

"You may not, but it's the truth." She sighed with a small melancholy smile on her face.

"Know that you can always come to me, whatever you need, I'm here." He whispered as he brought his other arm behind her dark curls, pulling her over, so their foreheads were resting on each other's, eye contact not failing.

"I promise." She huskily whispered, lingering her eyes down to his lips. She felt a sudden urge of want and need, and she figured that he sensed it too, because he brought his lips down to hers. For a second they just sat there, frozen in time. Then she gently kissed him back, remembering how perfect and comfortable it felt to kiss him, remembering how sweet his kisses tasted.

He slowly pulled away, and even though it was a simple kiss, they were both out of breath, and both had a new batch of tears.

"I need to go." She whispered, closing her eyes, and taking in a deep breath.

Chad nodded, and began to get up. He watched helplessly as she grabbed her purse and fixed the smeared eye shadow. Sophia slightly hesitated, but then pulled herself up from the booth and gave him one last smile.

"Thank you." She whispered in her signature raspy tone. At first he was confused as to why she was thanking him, but he soon realized that it had a deeper meaning when it came to him and her. She hesitated with her self, deciding not to hug him before she turned around and began to make her way out of the now busy restaurant.

_You were all the things I thought I knew  
And I thought we could be  
You were everything, everything that I wanted  
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time you were pretending  
So much for my happy ending_

* * *

**[1 YEAR TIME JUMP! 1 YEAR TIME JUMP! 1 YEAR TIME JUMP!]**

"Sophia! Come on! Jesus, we're going to be late!" Sophia heard Bevin call from the living room, and she couldn't help but laugh at the impatience of her best friend. In the last year she and Bevin had become closer than she had ever expected. It wasn't only because of the fact that Hilarie and Joy, along with most of the crew had sided with Chad, but because Bevin seemed to be the only person that listened to what she was feeling.

"I'm coming!" She continued laughing as she made her way into the living room, grabbing a coat and purse on her way to where Bevin was impatiently standing.

"Damn. Look at you." Bevin teased, eying Sophia's dark red blouse and skinny jeans, which were neatly tucked into high heeled boots.

"Look at me? Look at you!" Sophia teased back, inspecting Bevin's short, teal, laced sun dress.

"Ready to go?" Bevin asked, walking towards the door. Sophia nodded, throwing the coat over her shoulders, trying to prepare herself for the cold November weather. Today was yet another night that the crew and cast had decided to go out for food and drinks.

"You seriously look amazing." Bevin repeated, a small pout on her face.

"Thanks, I try." Sophia laughed, rolling her eyes and fixing them out the window, admiring the passing lights of the small town she had become so fond of, and a part of.

"What's wrong?" Bevin asked, sensing her friend's discomfort.

"Nothing." Sophia defensively shot back.

"Are you sure?" Bevin asked, not taking her eyes from the dark, wet road.

"Positive." Sophia smiled, feeling slightly surprised at how easily her friend could read her.

"You're lying, but I won't push it. I think a couple shots will do the trick." Bevin replied seriously and Sophia couldn't help but laugh.

"Alcohol always makes everything easier, right?" Sophia asked, sarcastically.

"True fact."

"Is Kenzie coming?" Sophia asked, fixing her eyes back on the passing lights. She had tried for half a year to get to know Kenzie, and tried to look past all the things she had done, but it was impossible. Finding out that your husband had cheated on you with a minor for 2 months was too much. Then Sophia began to feel that familiar sadness creep in.

"Uh... no? Don't think so."

"Good." She whispered, finding a small amount of comfort in her friend's answer.

"Okay well, even if she is, don't let her ruin your night." Bevin said, trying to clear the mood. She didn't want this to bring either of them down, tonight was all about having fun.

They pulled into the parking lot, and Sophia tried to prepare herself for the cold gust of wind that clung to her bare skin. She was about to reach into the back seat to grab her coat when she felt two warm hands take a hold of her shoulders. Before she had the chance to turn around and see who they hands belonged to, she felt the warmth of a jacket over her. The recognizable scent was more than enough for her to realize who this was.

"Chad." She smiled, looking up at him as he held the car door open. She stepped out and he closed it behind her. Chad was unable to keep himself from admiring her perfect curves as Sophia situated herself in the jacket he had wrapped around her.

Things for them weren't like they used to be, but the care and love they had for each other made it possible to continue the bond they shared since the moment they met. They were still madly in love with each other, but if anyone was to ask, they would deny it. Sadly, the pain they both felt was undeniable.

Sophia wanted more than anything to be able to go back to Chad, and when they divorced, part of her thought that it would change him. It didn't. If anything it caused Chad to develop a more serious problem. He had settled down with Kenzie, but that didn't mean he didn't sleep around and that hurt Sophia.

She could see the pain and see how lost he was, and she wanted to help him, she just didn't know how. She also couldn't help but hate him deep down. She hated him because he didn't change. He was capable of changing, and if he did, then she could forgive him, and they could live the life they both were meant to live, together.

He held the door open as Sophia and Bevin walked into the bar, scanning the crowd for the small group of crew members that had decided to show up. Sophia was about to walk towards the group when she felt Chad's warm hand, yet again, making contact with her skin.

"Do you want me to get you a drink?" He asked, cocking his head towards the bar, lingering his eyes down her body.

"Yeah, just a-" Sophia began but was interrupted when she saw Chad nodding his head with a small smile etched on his lips.

"Beer." He finished. "I know."

Sophia bit her lips, as she quirked her perfectly plucked eye brows at him. "What makes you think I'm going to get a beer?" She asked, hands on hips.

"I just know you." He seductively whispered, flirtatiously tapping on her nose at the word 'you', then turned around, and began to make his way towards the bar. Leaving the small brunette dumb founded at his especially flirtatious behavior.

She watched him make his way to the bar, before turning around and heading towards the group of crew workers.

"What was that all about?" Bevin whispered as Sophia sat down on a chair next to her.

"I, uh, I don't know." Sophia whispered back, shaking her head.

"Soph!" Bevin hissed, noticing the familiar look on her friend's face. "Don't let him get to you. He flirts with everyone." Bevin said, trying to excuse Chad's behavior.

"I hate it." Sophia sighed into her hands. "It makes me feel like one of the girls he probably picks up every other night." Sophia confessed, the light being drained from her eyes, and the late hours of the night beginning to catch up to her. "It makes me feel dirty."

"But you're not Soph! You're not sleeping with him, so you're nothing like them." Bevin coaxed, trying to salvage the night.

"But it's the fact that he would treat me like one Bev." Sophia whined to her, suddenly feeling extremely childish.

"He doesn't. Soph, have you seen the way he looks at you?" Bevin asked, a small smile across her face. "He's crazy about you, he loves you, and respects you. He doesn't respect the other girls." Bevin wrapped her arm around her and watched as Chad came over and placed two beers in front of them.

When the divorce first happened she had hoped that they would all move on and get their lives back together. It had been one year since it happened, yet the emotions and feelings were as strong as if the divorce and endless tears had been last night. She feared for both her friends, she feared that they would never move on, and never allow themselves to love someone the way they loved each other. That anyone they met would simply be someone they were settling for, because Bevin knew for a fact, that Chad was settling for Kenzie.

"So Chad, where's the girl?" Sophia looked up to catch a flash of discomfort in his eyes at the mention of Kenzie.

"She's with her family in Charlotte for the weekend." He explained to Sean, one of the sound crew guys, as he took a large gulp of his beer, avoiding eye contact with Sophia.

"Is she still doing pageants?" Sophia shyly jumped into the conversation, meeting Chad's gaze. He looked at her for a few seconds, and she noticed the confused expression he had. He nodded, taking another gulp of his beer before replying to her.

"She's actually at one right now."

Sophia hesitantly nodded, giving him a small smile, which he returned more than gladly.

_It's nice to know that you were there  
Thanks for acting like you cared  
And making me feel like I was the only one  
It's nice to know we had it all  
Thanks for watching as I fall  
And letting me know we were done_

* * *

It was three hours later and Sophia watched as Chad made his way towards the booth she was sitting in, he motioned for her to scoot over and she did.

"You look like you just ran ten miles." She laughed, watching Chad catch his breath from the corner of her eyes.

"Feels like I did too." He laughed, taking a sip of the beer Sophia had sitting in front of her.

"Just breathe." She said sarcastically, acting as if she was seriously concerned for his well being. He shot her a glare, which caused her to burst out in her signature raspy giggles. "It's okay." She laughed, petting him on the head, before turning her attention back to Bevin who was dancing with a mystery man.

"What? Am I some sort of dog now?" Chad asked, acting as if she had deeply insulted him.

"No we never played that role play scenario out all the way, remember?" She shot back, testing just how far she could push him. She began to smile when he didn't reply with anything, but when he placed his hand on her lap, giving her a quick pat. He knew exactly how to play her games.

"Yeah you just got too excited." He smiled coyly, taking another gulp of his drink.

"No honey, that was you." She replied, a small pout on her lips, before they both broke out laughing.

"How have you been? How's your family?" Chad asked, pulling the brunette over, so her head was resting against his chest as they both watched the lights flashing above the dancing crowd.

"Good, everyone's good." Sophia replied mindlessly taking in the smell of his cologne.

"How's Patchers?" Chad asked, looking down at the woman that was resting against him. He had never felt so much for someone, and even if they weren't together romantically, he loved her, and he considered her his best friend.

"He's good!" Sophia sat up slightly, and Chad could see the sparkle in her eyes at the mention of her beloved Pitt. "How's Joe?" She asked, resting her now pounding head against his shoulder.

"He's crazy, he ate Kenzie's heels the other day." Chad laughed, rubbing the back of his head, not sure if bringing Kenzie up was the best idea.

"How are you guys?" Sophia asked, and he could notice a more serious tone in her voice.

"We're good, same as before." Chad replied, forcing a smile when he saw Sophia curiously watching him, he wasn't sure if she believed it, but she nodded and turned her gaze away.

"That's good." She whispered. "I'm really happy you've found someone." She continued, sincerely happy that he had.

"Yeah." He agreed, feeling a wave of nostalgia wash over. He wanted to tell Sophia that he wasn't happy with Kenzie, and that he spent every hour thinking about Sophia, but he knew that it wouldn't make a difference, and that Sophia didn't deserve any more heartache and confusion.

"I'm ready to go." Bevin sighed, sitting down next to Sophia, and attempting to catch her breath, like Chad previously had. She didn't bother to look twice at them, since they had pulled away from each other minutes before she had joined them.

"Yeah, I have a horrible headache." Sophia agreed, rubbing her temples.

"Want me to drive?" Bevin asked, beginning to scan her purse for her keys.

"No, it's fine, I drank less." Sophia laughed, snatching them from Bevin's grasp.

"Bye." Chad whispered, signaling for Sophia to come give him a hug. She did, and the simple feeling of having her chest against his was enough to shoot sparks up her spine. She felt him nuzzle his head into her hair, and take in a deep breath, before pulling away.

___You were everything, everything that I wanted  
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it  
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time you were pretending  
So much for my happy ending_

* * *

"I know it's not my place, but what was that all about?" Bevin asked as soon as they both made their way into the car.

"We were talking." Sophia muttered, not wanting to talk about it.

"Soph..."

"Bevin, don't worry about it, I know nothing's going to happen. We're friends." Sophia sighed.

"You just need to let go and move on." Bevin sighed, starting up the car.

"Please don't tell me what I need to do and how I should be feeling."

"I'm just saying. You're only hurting yourself when you hold on, Soph." Bevin gingerly replied.

"You think I don't know that?"

"I didn't say that."

"It's hard. It's not like I can choose to not see him, we film together almost everyday."

"I know."

"I'm consumed in the 'what could have been'." Sophia confessed. "It's like, I'm stuck."

"You'll move on eventually, you just haven't found someone else yet. You will. The right guy is out there." Bevin explained, giving Sophia a smile.

"Sorry, I always do this." Sophia apologetically laughed.

"It's fine, you care about him a lot, I'd be worried if you didn't talk to me about it." Bevin yet again smiled.

"Everyone just thinks that I'm okay, yet I'm screaming in the inside. I can't talk to anyone about it. I feel like I have to put on an act."

"You know you can talk to me."

"Do you think I'll ever move on?"

"You will. You'll forget."

"I don't think anyone can ever really forget. Forgetting someone is almost impossible. Deep down, you remember everything." Sophia mumbled, before looking up at Bevin and noticing tears streaming down her face.

"Soph..." She sighed, wiping a few tears away and attempting to keep her eyes on the road.

"You may not think of them for years at a time, but you don't know how to forget." Sophia whispered and turned towards the passenger window, in an effort to hide her own tears from Bevin.

_Don't leave me hanging  
In a city so dead  
Held up so high  
On such a breakable thread_


	8. Lost Chapters

**Hey loves! So, I promised myself that if I got 10 or more reviews I would continue this bad boy. Guess what!? Ten or more reviews :) I can't honestly believe that so many of you want me to continue! This story will be a roller coaster ride for the two lovers, since I have to go through extremes to make them getting back together realistic. I didn't have a beta... if there are some mistakes, I'm sorry! And 4 or 5 of you asked what hanging out with Sophia was like... UHMAZING. Of course, she's as sweet as you all picture her to be. She is just the funniest thing ever, so easy to talk to, and very approachable. Every time I've met her she just blows me away by her kindness and humbleness. (I visit Wilmington and extra a lot). And she is so teeny! Like, takes three inches off of what you see on TV. If y'all want to you can follow my twitter and see some of the pictures I've uploaded of her and I... and just follow my exciting life in general.**

**Www . Twitter . Com / nathalieeeex3**

**Anyways, back to the fic! Like I said, it will have tons of ups and downs, and if you have yet to cry, I hope to make you soon. So beware.... dun dun dun!**

**AND I'd like to take this time to give my Momo (Brucasfan23) a shout out, cause I know that bitch is reading this fic ;) Glad you enjoyed hanging out with Soph as much you enjoyed me ahaa. Wilmington trip. This August. Austin's apartment. And clubbing with need to have fake IDs. And having random men walk into my apartment. And having you-know-who want to rape us just from our utter sexiness. We still have yet to lose our Wilmington virginity! Me getting it on with that crew guy in his white van, at Clay's beach house, does NOT count. Tonya cock blocked. Now do you realize the truth behind the "free" 'One Tree Hill' shirt they gave me? LOL! **

**XX Nathalie**

--X--

"Tell me you love me." Grunted Sophia, her hips moving in sync with Chad's. Each truths becoming more and more unbearable. It had been so damn long since they had been together. Too long, and the idea of fucking him hadn't even occurred to her until she was pressed up against the wall, feeling his breath dancing against her neck.

"I.. love y-you." He managed to force out. Crashing his lips onto hers. Not being able to get enough of her sweet taste. He had spent nights dreaming about her, and finally it felt real. It felt solid.

"God, Chad-" She screamed out when she felt him pivot himself in a way that was making her see stars. "Baby," She forced out yet again. He grabbed her breast squeezing the life out of her. He knew it was probably more pain than pleasure, but he had waited so damn long for her, he wasn't even sure how he hadn't completely eaten her up yet. "Don't... do tha-that." She moaned, cocking her head back due to the feelings he was causing her.

"Why not?" He panted, thrusting deeper into her, feeling as though he was reaching places that had never been discovered before.

"Because I won't last." She moaned, biting down on her lip in a meek effort to quite the screams that were begging to erupt from her lungs.

"It's okay baby, we have all night." He huskily whispered, meeting her dark hazel eyes, which were now clouded with lust.

"No, you have a 9 o clock with Paris. Then a 10 o clock with Dina. Shit, we need to squeeze Kenzie in there somewhere!" And now Sophia was no longer squirming under neath him, instead she had a black berry pressed to hear ear, and another pressed between her pointer finger and thumb, typing away for her life. "You think you can fit her in? Chad? Chad?"

"Fuck!" Chad woke up, already hating the way today had started out. These erotic dreams of the hypnotizing brunette that he was so infatuated- no infatuation is skin deep- in love with, have been torturing his being for days now. And if only Sophia could see the rock hard cock he was greeted with every morning. She would surely laugh.

Chad turned over in bed, not being able to help the disappointed groan that escaped his lips when he saw the empty bed next to him, not the spit fire brunette. He hesitated before pulling himself out of bed and heading towards the shower. He was a grown man, and he even found it pathetic that a simple dream of hers left him having to take a cold shower. His large problem was obviously not going away anytime soon.

It was late February. The 28th to be exact, and to this day it had been exactly one year since Chad had left North Carolina. It had been one year since his last paying job. One year since he last saw her. Two years since he and Kenzie broke up.

Although Chad had done some dumb ass moves, the man was not stupid. He quickly figured out that Kenzie was using him to get the fame that she so badly craved. The celebrity that she would never obtain, at least, not from him anyways. But then again, that wasn't the only reason why he left her. It may seem like a cliché, but Chad was still completely consumed by that woman that he had vowed to forever love.

He wasn't obsessed. And to be fair he didn't think about her 24/7. Some days, he didn't think about her at all. But some days he couldn't walk down the street without being reminded of her, of them. He so desperately wanted to see her again, to see her laugh, to be able to hug her. He missed her. And worst of all, he missed her as a friend.

He was fully aware that Sophia was now dating one of the newer actors of the show. Chad.2 the way he looked at it. Of course he was jealous, but at the same time he was happy for her. He knew that after the very public stunt he pulled, this new guy wouldn't be with her unless he meant to stay around. The guy looked like a tool and every time he saw pictures of Sophia and Austin parading down the red carpet, or getting out of the airport on TMZ, he couldn't help but laugh.

He could tell by the way her smile didn't scrunch up her nose, or the way her eyes didn't show any emotion, any spark, that she wasn't 100% happy with this new man. But lately he's been doubting himself, because maybe she has grown up. And grownups don't smile the way him and her did years ago when they were the ones walking down the red carpet. So naïve and so in love.

So, when he received a phone call from Mark, asking if he would like to come hangout in Utah with the gang, as it could possibly be the last season of One Tree Hill, he just couldn't say no.

With that though, he stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist before smirking at the thought of Sophia. They weren't even together and she had him whipped.

"This is going to be an interesting week." He laughed to himself. The pure thought that he would even think about going to Utah was absurd. And the fact that he had even said yes was just... hilarious.

--X--

"Mark!" She was trying to keep her cool. After all, she shouldn't be worried. She was with Austin now, and believe it or not, she hasn't been missing Chad for a while now. Austin was everything she had ever wanted, and him having been cheated on made her feel better in a twisted way. But honestly, how could it not make her feel better? It was a guarantee that he would never cheat on her.

"Soph, it wasn't just my decision babe." Mark laughed, running his fingers through his mop of hair. He had hoped that Sophia would take the news of Chad coming to spend the week with them well. Key word being hoped. Because "well" was for from it.

She let out a frustrated moan, slumping down into the couch beneath her. "Mark," she sighed, taking a deep breath and pressing her index finger to the crease that had now formed on her brow. "Forget it. I'm sorry I was so melodramatic." She couldn't help but laugh, but it quickly dissolved into a tinge of despair, and frustration that began to creep into her. Not because of Mark. But because just the pure mention of him could make her lose her mind. Could collapse all the walls that she meticulously built. Hiding her from the girl she used to be. From the chapter in her life that she wished she could simple backspace and delete.

"Nah. Don't worry about it Soph." He smiled, sitting down on the couch next to her. "You've both grown up. We've kept in contact. He's not who he used to be. And you have Austin." He continued smiling, nudging her playfully on the shoulder.

"Yeah, Austin." She sighed. Now all of a sudden Austin didn't hold as much importance as he did hours ago. He felt more like a substitute, until the real thing came back. No. She couldn't think that way. She loved Austin. He was it for her. She tried to dismiss the feeling, pushing it back the way she has been pushing a lot of things for the last few years. She was only thinking this way because Chad had now crept back into her life. That was surely normal, and once she was him all these ridiculous thoughts would be gone. Right?

--X--

"Come 'ere Penny." Sophia cooed, sitting on Austin's couch. Her earlier conversation with Mark still playing with her already fucked up brain.

"What's on your mind?" She looked up to see Austin sitting across from her. His undeniable grim welcoming her back to reality. She couldn't help but smile. How could she not when she had this gift from God in front of her? She had been granted a second chance, all her late night prayers that were once covered with salty tears had been answered.

"Just how much I love you." Her husky voice shooting tingles up his spine.

"I don't think so." He replied to her, with a devilish smile.

"Oh, no?" She could play him game. As a matter of fact, she loved playing his games. So she seductively kinked her brow. Knowing fully well how that glance could leave him moaning our her name in pure minutes.

"I heard. Mark told me." He was now making his way across the room, sitting himself next to her. Not sure how this conversation would end, but knowing that it was probably eating her alive.

"Oh." She was now fidgeting and was doing everything possible to avert his gaze.

"Wanna talk about it?" He lifted his palm up to her face, resting her small chin in his palm, as he brushed some of her dark locks away. Her beauty was breathtaking, memorizing, hypnotic. Truth be, even if she didn't want to talk about it, he did. Ever since he was told that Chad would be returning, he couldn't help but feel this unbearable burden that she would soon be taken away from him. It's not that he was intimidated by Chad. For Christ's sakes, Austin felt like he was more of a man than Chad could ever be. But he knew that things like that didn't matter to the heart. Chad could be the biggest pussy in the world, but if Sophia's heart yearned for him. Sophia would undoubtedly pick Chad. But then again, it wasn't a competition. She had sworn multiple times that she no longer felt anything for Chad. But Austin said the same to her, but he still felt something for his once lover.

"No. Not really." She snapped back at him. Beginning to get up from the couch. "I'm sorry." She sighed, not turning around to look at him, instead walking into the kitchen. Trying to find something that she could clean, or something that she could cook. Something that would somehow make this conversation not happen.

"Austin, please." She begged him, aspirated. "I know you want to talk, but not now. Babe, there's nothing to talk about." She finally turned to him, a melancholy smile across her face. She loved that him for wanting to talk to her, to try to alleviate some of her stress. Surprisingly, Austin had become extremely accurate when it came to reading her. And up until this moment she absolutely loved it.

"But, don't you-"

"Shh." She was shaking her head, eyes closed, as she closed the small gap between them. "Not now baby." Her breath against his shirtless chest was now driving him crazy. And he couldn't help but curse the amount of power this ridiculously sexy woman had over him. "Not now." She repeated subconsciously, before gently pressing her lips to his. Her arms cascading around his neck.

"Not fair." He growled from somewhere deep inside of him. Not being able to help the smile that formed against her vanilla flavored lips.

"Shut up and kiss me." She demanded, pushing him out of the kitchen and onto the couch. Not once breaking away from the now heated kiss.

--X--

"Let me get this straight... he's coming here?" Jana asked, in nothing short of disbelief. Granted, she had never met Chad before, but her and Sophia had gotten extremely close in the last few months. So naturally, she couldn't help but ask Sophia about that part of her life.

"Yup." Sophia groaned.

"Well, don't worry about it," Jana shrugged, obviously not realizing the gravity of the situation, at least the way her friend saw it. "I'm sure he's moved on. Just like you." Jana smiled, and with that she shrugged off the topic. She could tell that Sophia didn't completely believe her reasoning. "Ughhh. Sophia!" She was getting frustrated now. The way Sophia had spoken about Chad gave her the impression that she had pushed him out of her heart years ago, but the way she was acting now. Things weren't adding up.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it. It's ridiculous. I know."

"I just can't figure out how one second you can be so sure that you're in love with Austin and then the next doubt your feelings for him?" She sighed, exasperated.

"When did I say I was doubting the way I felt about him!?" Sophia shot back. It was one thing to have Jana questioning her, but Jana accusing her of saying something was a completely different matter. "Well?" She huskily persisted, her brow wrinkling in anticipation.

"You didn't say it. But it's evident that you're feeling it." Jana spat, pointing a finger at Sophia's face, as she watched it contort between disbelief and anger.

"Don't act like you can read me." Sophia shook her head dejectedly. "You don't know a single thing about me." She hissed. She knew this was a lie. She had gotten closer to Jana than she had allowed herself with most people. She had only known her for 9 months, but already she had confined some of her loneliest secrets with her. But she couldn't let Jana say this to her. Even if it was the truth. Because she wasn't ready to face it.

"Honey, you know I love you." Jana replied, patting her hand gently on Sophia's thigh. "But even I know you wouldn't be going ballistic if you didn't care about this guy." She laughed, choosing to ignore the infamous eye roll Sophia shot in her direction. "You know I'm right. Whether you believe it or not." She finished, getting up and walking towards her bedroom.

"I do love Austin." Sophia shyly whispered, almost to herself. "I love him so much."

Jana didn't turn around right away, she simply let herself slowly nod her head. "And that's why this is so hard," she sighed, turning to face Sophia. "You love them both."

"But Jana, I shouldn't love him!" She cried out, her frustration threatening to take over her any second. "I was supposed to have moved on." She chocked out, her hands now cradling her head, trying to silence the sobs that were protruding from deep within her. "Why can't I just move on?" She looked up at Jana, her eyes pleading for an answer that would never come.

"I don't know." Jana began to walk towards her friend, sitting beside her, and pulling her into her chest. "Maybe," she stopped herself afraid of the consequence, but sighed before continuing. "You're just not supposed to move on."

"I can't do that to Austin." Sophia had now pushed herself away from Jana, and the tears were no longer falling down. "He doesn't deserve to feel the way I do right now."

"Do you?"

--X--

Chad was greeted by Mark when he stepped out of the airport, and he could honestly say that he had never been so happy to see someone in his life. Ever since he got rid of Kenzie, and left the show, he had been feeling like the loneliest son of a bitch on the planet. But now, seeing Mark, it felt like he was back home. Back where all his true family was. Where he spent some of the best years of his life. And where he spent some of his worst.

"So, Chad, tell me... what have you been up to? Any films?" Mark asked as they both exited out of the airport. The cold gust of wind that followed almost left Chad turning around on the spot and running back to the airplane that would take him back to the seventy degree weather he had left. Mark couldn't help but laugh when he noticed this. "Didn't think it'd be that cold?"

"Definitely not." Chad groaned, attempting to zip up his jacket while pulling a suitcase and trying not to slip.

"It should warm up later."

"It better! It's gotta be like twenty degrees!"

"Seventeen, actually." Mark replied, keeping his eyes on the taxi that was making it's way towards them.

"Uh, so... who's in town?" Chad asked, trying to alleviate some of the awkwardness that had set in when they were both settled in the warm taxi.

"Oh, uh yeah. Joy, James, Jackson, Lee, Antwon, Sophia-" And hearing that name made Chad's heart stop and his entire mind go foggy with all the flying memories of the small brunette. Sophia. He knew she would be here, but just the utter fact that he would see her again hadn't exactly set in with him until now.

"Earth to Chad?" Mark laughed, nudging him out of the dream like state that he was consumed in.

"Oh, sorry man." He laughed back, awkwardly.

"They're all going to meet us up for dinner."

"Wait. Right now?"

"Yeah. Something wrong?" Mark asked, taking his eyes away from his blackberry and instead curiously focusing them on Chad.

"No. Nah, course not." Chad laughed. Rubbing the back of his neck, giving himself away to Mark.

"C'mon Chad. Don't bullshit me." Mark laughed, shaking his head at Chad. Amused with the simple fact that it was so obvious that the poor guy next to him was nervous out of his mind. And why? I think we all know.

Chad didn't say anything, instead he simply shot Mark a menacing glare. His way of telling him to fuck off and not play with him right now. Mark shook his head, "She's nervous as hell too." he whispered, deciding then to keep his mouth shut.


	9. Try This Again

_**NOT A NEW CHAPTER. FF was not letting people review because I had taken the last chapter down, and I guess it doesn't let you review the "8th" chapter twice. So this is the Same as chapter 8, but leave a review in this one. I'm kind of nervous to see what ya'll thought, to be honest.**_

**Hey loves! So, I promised myself that if I got 10 or more reviews I would continue this bad boy. Guess what!? Ten or more reviews :) I can't honestly believe that so many of you want me to continue! This story will be a roller coaster ride for the two lovers, since I have to go through extremes to make them getting back together realistic. I didn't have a beta... if there are some mistakes, I'm sorry! And 4 or 5 of you asked what hanging out with Sophia was like... UHMAZING. Of course, she's as sweet as you all picture her to be. She is just the funniest thing ever, so easy to talk to, and very approachable. Every time I've met her she just blows me away by her kindness and humbleness. (I visit Wilmington and extra a lot). And she is so teeny! Like, takes three inches off of what you see on TV. If y'all want to you can follow my twitter and see some of the pictures I've uploaded of her and I... and just follow my exciting life in general.**

**Www . Twitter . Com / nathalieeeex3**

**Anyways, back to the fic! Like I said, it will have tons of ups and downs, and if you have yet to cry, I hope to make you soon. So beware.... dun dun dun!**

**AND I'd like to take this time to give my Momo (Brucasfan23) a shout out, cause I know that bitch is reading this fic ;) Glad you enjoyed hanging out with Soph as much you enjoyed me ahaa. Wilmington trip. This August. Austin's apartment. And clubbing with need to have fake IDs. And having random men walk into my apartment. And having you-know-who want to rape us just from our utter sexiness. We still have yet to lose our Wilmington virginity! Me getting it on with that crew guy in his white van, at Clay's beach house, does NOT count. Tonya cock blocked. Now do you realize the truth behind the "free" 'One Tree Hill' shirt they gave me? LOL! **

**XX Nathalie**

--X--

"Tell me you love me." Grunted Sophia, her hips moving in sync with Chad's. Each truths becoming more and more unbearable. It had been so damn long since they had been together. Too long, and the idea of fucking him hadn't even occurred to her until she was pressed up against the wall, feeling his breath dancing against her neck.

"I.. love y-you." He managed to force out. Crashing his lips onto hers. Not being able to get enough of her sweet taste. He had spent nights dreaming about her, and finally it felt real. It felt solid.

"God, Chad-" She screamed out when she felt him pivot himself in a way that was making her see stars. "Baby," She forced out yet again. He grabbed her breast squeezing the life out of her. He knew it was probably more pain than pleasure, but he had waited so damn long for her, he wasn't even sure how he hadn't completely eaten her up yet. "Don't... do tha-that." She moaned, cocking her head back due to the feelings he was causing her.

"Why not?" He panted, thrusting deeper into her, feeling as though he was reaching places that had never been discovered before.

"Because I won't last." She moaned, biting down on her lip in a meek effort to quite the screams that were begging to erupt from her lungs.

"It's okay baby, we have all night." He huskily whispered, meeting her dark hazel eyes, which were now clouded with lust.

"No, you have a 9 o clock with Paris. Then a 10 o clock with Dina. Shit, we need to squeeze Kenzie in there somewhere!" And now Sophia was no longer squirming under neath him, instead she had a black berry pressed to hear ear, and another pressed between her pointer finger and thumb, typing away for her life. "You think you can fit her in? Chad? Chad?"

"Fuck!" Chad woke up, already hating the way today had started out. These erotic dreams of the hypnotizing brunette that he was so infatuated- no infatuation is skin deep- in love with, have been torturing his being for days now. And if only Sophia could see the rock hard cock he was greeted with every morning. She would surely laugh.

Chad turned over in bed, not being able to help the disappointed groan that escaped his lips when he saw the empty bed next to him, not the spit fire brunette. He hesitated before pulling himself out of bed and heading towards the shower. He was a grown man, and he even found it pathetic that a simple dream of hers left him having to take a cold shower. His large problem was obviously not going away anytime soon.

It was late February. The 28th to be exact, and to this day it had been exactly one year since Chad had left North Carolina. It had been one year since his last paying job. One year since he last saw her. Two years since he and Kenzie broke up.

Although Chad had done some dumb ass moves, the man was not stupid. He quickly figured out that Kenzie was using him to get the fame that she so badly craved. The celebrity that she would never obtain, at least, not from him anyways. But then again, that wasn't the only reason why he left her. It may seem like a cliché, but Chad was still completely consumed by that woman that he had vowed to forever love.

He wasn't obsessed. And to be fair he didn't think about her 24/7. Some days, he didn't think about her at all. But some days he couldn't walk down the street without being reminded of her, of them. He so desperately wanted to see her again, to see her laugh, to be able to hug her. He missed her. And worst of all, he missed her as a friend.

He was fully aware that Sophia was now dating one of the newer actors of the show. Chad.2 the way he looked at it. Of course he was jealous, but at the same time he was happy for her. He knew that after the very public stunt he pulled, this new guy wouldn't be with her unless he meant to stay around. The guy looked like a tool and every time he saw pictures of Sophia and Austin parading down the red carpet, or getting out of the airport on TMZ, he couldn't help but laugh.

He could tell by the way her smile didn't scrunch up her nose, or the way her eyes didn't show any emotion, any spark, that she wasn't 100% happy with this new man. But lately he's been doubting himself, because maybe she has grown up. And grownups don't smile the way him and her did years ago when they were the ones walking down the red carpet. So naïve and so in love.

So, when he received a phone call from Mark, asking if he would like to come hangout in Utah with the gang, as it could possibly be the last season of One Tree Hill, he just couldn't say no.

With that though, he stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist before smirking at the thought of Sophia. They weren't even together and she had him whipped.

"This is going to be an interesting week." He laughed to himself. The pure thought that he would even think about going to Utah was absurd. And the fact that he had even said yes was just... hilarious.

--X--

"Mark!" She was trying to keep her cool. After all, she shouldn't be worried. She was with Austin now, and believe it or not, she hasn't been missing Chad for a while now. Austin was everything she had ever wanted, and him having been cheated on made her feel better in a twisted way. But honestly, how could it not make her feel better? It was a guarantee that he would never cheat on her.

"Soph, it wasn't just my decision babe." Mark laughed, running his fingers through his mop of hair. He had hoped that Sophia would take the news of Chad coming to spend the week with them well. Key word being hoped. Because "well" was for from it.

She let out a frustrated moan, slumping down into the couch beneath her. "Mark," she sighed, taking a deep breath and pressing her index finger to the crease that had now formed on her brow. "Forget it. I'm sorry I was so melodramatic." She couldn't help but laugh, but it quickly dissolved into a tinge of despair, and frustration that began to creep into her. Not because of Mark. But because just the pure mention of him could make her lose her mind. Could collapse all the walls that she meticulously built. Hiding her from the girl she used to be. From the chapter in her life that she wished she could simple backspace and delete.

"Nah. Don't worry about it Soph." He smiled, sitting down on the couch next to her. "You've both grown up. We've kept in contact. He's not who he used to be. And you have Austin." He continued smiling, nudging her playfully on the shoulder.

"Yeah, Austin." She sighed. Now all of a sudden Austin didn't hold as much importance as he did hours ago. He felt more like a substitute, until the real thing came back. No. She couldn't think that way. She loved Austin. He was it for her. She tried to dismiss the feeling, pushing it back the way she has been pushing a lot of things for the last few years. She was only thinking this way because Chad had now crept back into her life. That was surely normal, and once she was him all these ridiculous thoughts would be gone. Right?

--X--

"Come 'ere Penny." Sophia cooed, sitting on Austin's couch. Her earlier conversation with Mark still playing with her already fucked up brain.

"What's on your mind?" She looked up to see Austin sitting across from her. His undeniable grim welcoming her back to reality. She couldn't help but smile. How could she not when she had this gift from God in front of her? She had been granted a second chance, all her late night prayers that were once covered with salty tears had been answered.

"Just how much I love you." Her husky voice shooting tingles up his spine.

"I don't think so." He replied to her, with a devilish smile.

"Oh, no?" She could play him game. As a matter of fact, she loved playing his games. So she seductively kinked her brow. Knowing fully well how that glance could leave him moaning our her name in pure minutes.

"I heard. Mark told me." He was now making his way across the room, sitting himself next to her. Not sure how this conversation would end, but knowing that it was probably eating her alive.

"Oh." She was now fidgeting and was doing everything possible to avert his gaze.

"Wanna talk about it?" He lifted his palm up to her face, resting her small chin in his palm, as he brushed some of her dark locks away. Her beauty was breathtaking, memorizing, hypnotic. Truth be, even if she didn't want to talk about it, he did. Ever since he was told that Chad would be returning, he couldn't help but feel this unbearable burden that she would soon be taken away from him. It's not that he was intimidated by Chad. For Christ's sakes, Austin felt like he was more of a man than Chad could ever be. But he knew that things like that didn't matter to the heart. Chad could be the biggest pussy in the world, but if Sophia's heart yearned for him. Sophia would undoubtedly pick Chad. But then again, it wasn't a competition. She had sworn multiple times that she no longer felt anything for Chad. But Austin said the same to her, but he still felt something for his once lover.

"No. Not really." She snapped back at him. Beginning to get up from the couch. "I'm sorry." She sighed, not turning around to look at him, instead walking into the kitchen. Trying to find something that she could clean, or something that she could cook. Something that would somehow make this conversation not happen.

"Austin, please." She begged him, aspirated. "I know you want to talk, but not now. Babe, there's nothing to talk about." She finally turned to him, a melancholy smile across her face. She loved that him for wanting to talk to her, to try to alleviate some of her stress. Surprisingly, Austin had become extremely accurate when it came to reading her. And up until this moment she absolutely loved it.

"But, don't you-"

"Shh." She was shaking her head, eyes closed, as she closed the small gap between them. "Not now baby." Her breath against his shirtless chest was now driving him crazy. And he couldn't help but curse the amount of power this ridiculously sexy woman had over him. "Not now." She repeated subconsciously, before gently pressing her lips to his. Her arms cascading around his neck.

"Not fair." He growled from somewhere deep inside of him. Not being able to help the smile that formed against her vanilla flavored lips.

"Shut up and kiss me." She demanded, pushing him out of the kitchen and onto the couch. Not once breaking away from the now heated kiss.

--X--

"Let me get this straight... he's coming here?" Jana asked, in nothing short of disbelief. Granted, she had never met Chad before, but her and Sophia had gotten extremely close in the last few months. So naturally, she couldn't help but ask Sophia about that part of her life.

"Yup." Sophia groaned.

"Well, don't worry about it," Jana shrugged, obviously not realizing the gravity of the situation, at least the way her friend saw it. "I'm sure he's moved on. Just like you." Jana smiled, and with that she shrugged off the topic. She could tell that Sophia didn't completely believe her reasoning. "Ughhh. Sophia!" She was getting frustrated now. The way Sophia had spoken about Chad gave her the impression that she had pushed him out of her heart years ago, but the way she was acting now. Things weren't adding up.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it. It's ridiculous. I know."

"I just can't figure out how one second you can be so sure that you're in love with Austin and then the next doubt your feelings for him?" She sighed, exasperated.

"When did I say I was doubting the way I felt about him!?" Sophia shot back. It was one thing to have Jana questioning her, but Jana accusing her of saying something was a completely different matter. "Well?" She huskily persisted, her brow wrinkling in anticipation.

"You didn't say it. But it's evident that you're feeling it." Jana spat, pointing a finger at Sophia's face, as she watched it contort between disbelief and anger.

"Don't act like you can read me." Sophia shook her head dejectedly. "You don't know a single thing about me." She hissed. She knew this was a lie. She had gotten closer to Jana than she had allowed herself with most people. She had only known her for 9 months, but already she had confined some of her loneliest secrets with her. But she couldn't let Jana say this to her. Even if it was the truth. Because she wasn't ready to face it.

"Honey, you know I love you." Jana replied, patting her hand gently on Sophia's thigh. "But even I know you wouldn't be going ballistic if you didn't care about this guy." She laughed, choosing to ignore the infamous eye roll Sophia shot in her direction. "You know I'm right. Whether you believe it or not." She finished, getting up and walking towards her bedroom.

"I do love Austin." Sophia shyly whispered, almost to herself. "I love him so much."

Jana didn't turn around right away, she simply let herself slowly nod her head. "And that's why this is so hard," she sighed, turning to face Sophia. "You love them both."

"But Jana, I shouldn't love him!" She cried out, her frustration threatening to take over her any second. "I was supposed to have moved on." She chocked out, her hands now cradling her head, trying to silence the sobs that were protruding from deep within her. "Why can't I just move on?" She looked up at Jana, her eyes pleading for an answer that would never come.

"I don't know." Jana began to walk towards her friend, sitting beside her, and pulling her into her chest. "Maybe," she stopped herself afraid of the consequence, but sighed before continuing. "You're just not supposed to move on."

"I can't do that to Austin." Sophia had now pushed herself away from Jana, and the tears were no longer falling down. "He doesn't deserve to feel the way I do right now."

"Do you?"

--X--

Chad was greeted by Mark when he stepped out of the airport, and he could honestly say that he had never been so happy to see someone in his life. Ever since he got rid of Kenzie, and left the show, he had been feeling like the loneliest son of a bitch on the planet. But now, seeing Mark, it felt like he was back home. Back where all his true family was. Where he spent some of the best years of his life. And where he spent some of his worst.

"So, Chad, tell me... what have you been up to? Any films?" Mark asked as they both exited out of the airport. The cold gust of wind that followed almost left Chad turning around on the spot and running back to the airplane that would take him back to the seventy degree weather he had left. Mark couldn't help but laugh when he noticed this. "Didn't think it'd be that cold?"

"Definitely not." Chad groaned, attempting to zip up his jacket while pulling a suitcase and trying not to slip.

"It should warm up later."

"It better! It's gotta be like twenty degrees!"

"Seventeen, actually." Mark replied, keeping his eyes on the taxi that was making it's way towards them.

"Uh, so... who's in town?" Chad asked, trying to alleviate some of the awkwardness that had set in when they were both settled in the warm taxi.

"Oh, uh yeah. Joy, James, Jackson, Lee, Antwon, Sophia-" And hearing that name made Chad's heart stop and his entire mind go foggy with all the flying memories of the small brunette. Sophia. He knew she would be here, but just the utter fact that he would see her again hadn't exactly set in with him until now.

"Earth to Chad?" Mark laughed, nudging him out of the dream like state that he was consumed in.

"Oh, sorry man." He laughed back, awkwardly.

"They're all going to meet us up for dinner."

"Wait. Right now?"

"Yeah. Something wrong?" Mark asked, taking his eyes away from his blackberry and instead curiously focusing them on Chad.

"No. Nah, course not." Chad laughed. Rubbing the back of his neck, giving himself away to Mark.

"C'mon Chad. Don't bullshit me." Mark laughed, shaking his head at Chad. Amused with the simple fact that it was so obvious that the poor guy next to him was nervous out of his mind. And why? I think we all know.

Chad didn't say anything, instead he simply shot Mark a menacing glare. His way of telling him to fuck off and not play with him right now. Mark shook his head, "She's nervous as hell too." he whispered, deciding then to keep his mouth shut.


	10. Need You Now

**Thank you so much for all the reviews. No beta. I'm sorry it's short. Probably should have put more into it.  
**

**Xx Nathalie**

--X--

_Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor_  
_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_  
_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

Sophia couldn't help hammering her perfectly manicured nails on the wooden table. She couldn't seem to catch her breath, and her brain was long gone. Her mind was pulled from its secluded state when she felt Austin's hand make contact with hers. She looked up, hesitantly, only to find him giving her an encouraging smile.

"I'm sorry." She couldn't help but shake her head ashamedly. It wasn't fair for her to be acting this way. She should have the strength to be able to keep herself together, if anything for Austin's sake.

"It's okay." He threw her another smile, but this time Sophia could tell that there was something else behind it.

"What's wrong?" Suddenly all her worries escaped her mind, and her brain found itself fully dedicated to whatever was causing Austin's distress. Even though she already had an idea.

He was about to reply, but all conversation was halted when Joy screamed, "Chad!" and scrambled out of her chair, to the blond's awaiting arms.

Sophia found every last bit of oxygen squeezed out of her lungs, and she felt as though those cheese sticks she had just devoured were about to come up. It was as if all the demons she had securely locked away years ago had just found an unlocked door. Terrorizing their way out. Then at the same time she felt as though her heart was once again beating in rhythm. And when his eyes found hers, it was as if time had stopped. It was a cliché really. It felt just like in all the movies her and Jaime would laugh at. The ones in which the two lovers find each other after all those years, and everything, and everyone blurs out around them.

"Sit over here!" Squealed Joy, and both were pulled away from their intimate moment. Chad dazedly followed, sitting next to Joy, and across from Sophia. He tried to pay attention to all the people that were welcoming him back, and throwing old inside jokes at him, but his eyes weren't able to look away from Sophia for too long, before unconsciously coming back to meet hers.

"Welcome back." Sophia smiled, halfway through the dinner now.

Chad nodded, returning a smile to her. Seeing her had suddenly made him extremely unsure of himself. Not because he wasn't pleased with what he saw, but because Sophia and Austin looked genuinely happy with each other. He now all of a sudden even felt guilty for coming to Utah. He could see that Sophia was in a great deal of distress and that made him hurt. He was selfish for coming here, and he figured he was still the same person he was years ago. _Selfish_.

"How was the plain ride?" He looked back up to see Austin intently watching him, as if he was trying to decide if Chad had finally moved on from Sophia, or if he was still considered an enemy. He quickly glanced back over at Sophia, who was smiling at him encouragingly, her hand draped over Austin's. And for some reason that sight made Chad want to jump across the table, beating that fucking smirk off Austin's face, and claiming Sophia, because to him, she was still _his_.

"A lot better than this weather." Chad smirked, sending Austin an icy glare before turning his attention back to the half eaten plate in front of him.

"Yeah well, it's a lot colder than that Cali weather." Austin persisted. Obviously either unaware, or simply not caring that the man in front of him was ready to charge him at any second. "I hear you haven't had much luck with getting back on the horse?" he was definitely aware of the damage he was causing.

"Austin!" Sophia hissed, tightening her grip on his hand. She shot a glance at Chad and could see the muscles in his jaw twitch. "Please, baby," she huskily whispered to Austin, attempting to calm him down. "Stop."

"Yeah_ baby_," Chad taunted. "Stop." He chose to ignore the menacing scowl that Sophia shot in his direction before physically blocking Chad from Austin's sight by cocking her body, so that she was sitting almost on Austin. Chad let out a cold laugh before glancing around the table. Everyone seemed to be oblivious to the face down that had just been averted.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now_  
_And I don't know how I can do without_  
_I just need you now_

Three hours and ten shots later, the cast and crew had slowly dwindled down. Chad found himself with an overwhelming headache and the sudden need to crash on the nearest chair. He was about to lay down on a couch, in the VIP area, when he felt himself being pulled by his shirt into a dark corner of the room.

"Why the hell are you here!?" Sophia was a few shots pass Chad, but the words seemed to be rolling off her tongue effortlessly.

"Woah, woah, woah." Chad laughed, throwing his hands in the air. Further fueling the brunette's anger. "I got invited. I do have reasons to be here, other than _you_." He laughed, rolling his eyes at how sure Sophia was that he had come because of her. Even though it was true.

"You've never been really good at lying, Chad." She hissed, throwing him a devilish smile, before beginning to turn to walk away. But Chad wasn't letting her get away so easily, specially after that little remark.

"Chad! Let go!" She shrieked, looking around to make sure no one had heard, even though they were the only people in there. "I said let go!" She whined, trying to claw his hand off of her. The alcohol suddenly hitting her, and the pulsating music beginning to drown out all rational thoughts. It wasn't until she heard herself let out a moan, that she realized that Chad was pressing her against his abs, showing her his arousal.

"Look what _you_ fucking do to _me_." He growled, burring his head into her dark locks, feeling her tremble against him.

"Chad," She managed to choke out between deep breathes of the now hard to contain air. "Please, let me _go_." She whispered. Feeling completely defeated and not being able to escape the wave of nostaglia that washed over her.

She knew that he was having an inner battle with himself, whether to kiss her, or whether he should let her go. But when she pulled her eyes way from the tile floor, and brought them to his, she felt his grip loosen. At least enough for her to shake herself out of his grasp. She didn't hesitate in turning around and almost running out of the room, but she caught herself before being fully masked in the darkness. She stopped, and slowly turned around, making eye contact with him before whispering, "I'm sorry."

She had just made it out of the room when she felt someone once again grab her arm. "Chad, let go of me!" Sophia screamed, trying to wipe the the tears away. Not bothering to see who had grabbed her.

"What the?" Sophia looked up through clouded eyes to see Austin's face contort between confusion and pure anger when he realized who must have left Sophia in this state. "Where is he?" Austin asked, no longer holding on to Sophia. Instead, he was frantically searching the restaurant for him.

"Austin, stop." She pleaded, suddenly too tired to be dealing with this.

"No! Sophia he fucking made you cry!" He bellowed, making her cringe. She had never seen this side of Austin before.

"Look at me!" She ordered, taking his chin into her grasp and pulling him over so their faces were mere inches from each other. "Austin, you need to stop. I know this is probably some macho thing that I won't ever understand, but I just want you to drop it." She sighed, running her fingers through his hair. "You don't have anything to worry about." She wasn't very good at lying either.

_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door_  
_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_  
_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

--X--

"I think we need a break." Sophia looked up from her book. Trying to think of any way that statement could be positive.

"What?" She asked. Not being able to help giving Austin a confused smile.

"Your going away for your movie soon, and I think it would be best if we took this time to really reflect on what we have."

"Austin," she was now shaking her head furiously back and fourths. Not being able to believe what he was implying. "I know things haven't been perfect the last few days, but-"

"I want _us_ to take a break." He firmly stated, even though the ache in his heart was telling him to just tell her he didn't mean any of it. That she was the women he was meant to be with for the rest of his life. That he loved her more than anything. That he had never felt something so strong for anyone in his life. That he wanted to have babies with her. But he knew he could never have that. Because eventually she would figure out that her heart belonged to someone else.

"You don't mean that." She was now leaning in front of him, book discarded to the floor. She rested her hands on his lap, eye level with him.

"Don't cry." He pleaded, sliding himself towards the edge of the couch so he could fully embrace her. "You're too pretty to cry." He smiled, helping her wipe away her tears. Her eyes now blazing red, but that's not what made Austin cringe. It was the fact that she looked so broken and scared. They were both so sure of where they wanted to go with things a few days ago, and now it was as if they were both back to the place they were so desperately trying to get away from.

"Things were going so good for us." She whispered ashamedly, as if this was all somehow her fault. She could still feel a few stray tears burn their way down her face, and she shyly sat in the silence as Austin wiped away every single one of them.

"I do love you." He sighed, now finally showing a hint of sadness. Not able to hold back what he was feeling any longer.

"You're my buddy." Sophia smiled, placing the palm of her hand against his chin, feeling his stubble scratch at her porcelain skin.

"You'll always have me here, no matter what."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't."

"Everyone says that." Sophia spoke cynically, as if it's the most disgusting thing you could possibly ever say to a person. "But in the end no one keeps that promise." She paused. "And I love you so much." She managed to get out through the knot that had formed in her throat.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now_  
_And I don't know how I can do without_  
_I just need you now_

--X--

"Jackson!" Sophia tried to wipe away all the snow from her face before turning in a circle looking for her nine year old cast member.

"Come on oldie!" He taunted her, throwing another snowball in her direction, but missing the target: her face.

"Jana! Help me out!" Sophia laughed, running towards her friend who was trying to hide behind Stephen, one of the producers.

"You, get away from me!" Jana shrieked, already shielding her face from the very probable wet greeting it was sure to have.

"So much for best frie-" Sophia was stopped mid sentence by a snowball that made contact with the back of her head. "Jackson!" She began to laugh. That was until she turned around and found Chad standing ten feet behind her. A smirk across his face and a snowball juggling between his hands. "Don't you dare." She hissed. Not breaking from his cobalt gaze.

"Try me." He smiled, before throwing the snowball at Sophia, who ducked down just in time. When she heard Jana shriek out in surprise, she turned around to find her standing there, trying to blink away the snow.

"Girls against boys!" Jackson hollered, pulling Robert behind a craft table with him. "Come on Chad!" He yelled anxiously, waving the tall blonde over.

"You better run Chad!" Jana screamed, playfully, yet competitively throwing snowballs at the his back. "If you mess with the girls, you're going down!" With that she pulled Sophia by the arm, and they both began the task of kicking they guys' asses.

--X--

"I see your aim has made some progress." Chad teased. They were both laying down on the snow, the rest of the gang not too far away.

"Snowballs and footballs are two different things." Sophia laughed, choosing to only focus on the compliment of what he had just said.

"I'm just sayin'. You improved." Sophia only nodded, not being able to come up with anything else to say. It's weird how you can have so many things to ask one person, yet not knowing what to say, or even where to begin. They were so close once upon a time. He would have been the first person she went to for advice, or the only person to know a secret. But now, now it was as if he was a long lost friend. Someone that is too far gone to bring back.

"What are you going to do if the show ends?" Chad asked, trying to move the conversation forward. The tension was becoming almost unbearable.

"I have a movie coming up. Probably movies." She turned, so she was resting her head on the side of her arm, watching him brood.

"Where's the movie filming?"

"Austria."

"That's far away." He smiled, turning so that he was facing her as well. The snow was beginning to soak its way to their skin, and they couldn't stop their teeth from chattering. But that didn't seem to matter all of a sudden. They were too consumed with each other to notice anything else.

"I'm excited." She confined in him. He couldn't help but smile when he saw her eyes sparkle at the thought of being there. He knew she loved to travel, and had always spoken about how she would love to travel to Austria. He also remembered how she always said that he would come with, just so at least one of them blended in with the population. "I have to dye my hair blonde." She whispered, watching him intently, waiting for his reaction.

"You look beautiful with any color hair." His gaze was penetrating. As if he could see everything she was thinking. See how broken and cracked she was on the inside. How long ago she had lost hope in ever being truly happy.

"Chad!" They both hesitantly looked up to see Joy waving him over. "Let's take a picture ass hole!" She laughed, before turning around and picking Jackson up.

"I should go." Chad smiled, cocking his head towards Joy. Sophia simply giving him a knowing smile.

"It was good talking to you."

"See you later."

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_  
_And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now_  
_And I don't know how I can do without_  
_I just need you now, I just need you now_

--X--

"What the hell was that about!?" Jana squealed when both her and Sophia had made their way into their hotel room.

"I don't know! I.. we just... it was _nice_." Sophia confessed, shrugging it off as if nothing had happened.

"Dude! You guys laid there whispering for like, ever! I'm pretty sure you guys left two puddles in the snow!" Jana laughed, slapping her friend on the arm, urging her to share what happened.

"Jana." Sophia warned. She really didn't want to go there. She and her boyfriend had just broken up. She shouldn't be thinking about Chad right now. She should be trying to think of possible ways for her and Austin to get back together. Not about how Chad's nose slightly scrunched when she made him laugh, or how he always rolled his eyes before laughing.

"What?! You can't blame me for trying."

"Nothing happened. We just talked. Really."

"It didn't look like 'nothing'." Jana pressed, testing how much she could press her friend.

"Jana, I love you to death, but sometimes you make me want to kill you."

"Oh come on Soph. Just tell me!" She whined, crossing her legs Indian style, and clapping her hands together, as if Sophia had said yes.

"No! _Please_, Jana." Sophia begged, gently rubbing her temples. Her mind was definitely not happy, and all she wanted was to be left alone to think.

"Fine. If you won't tell me, I'll just write a song about it!" She laughed, getting up and running towards her notebook.

"Don't you dare!" Sophia hissed, trying to keep herself from laughing.

"Watch me." Jana winked, sticking her tongue out before turning around and running out of the room, while screaming, "Ima write a classic!"

_I need you now_


	11. Barriers

**Hey all. Thanks so much for the reviews. I actually wasn't planning on updating this fic for about two weeks, since I'm going away for spring break. But then I decided to stay home from school today, and that I should take the time to update one last time before I leave. I'm sorry if this chapter is pure shit. I don't feel well, and I'm going through something similar. It hurts to get too into how they feel. And a lot of how I feel about my current "relationship" is starting to unconsciously creep it's way into the CS love, and that's not really fair to the story, or you guys. I promise the story will get better, and my friend has helped me come up with THE coolest storyline ever. So, you better keep reading. Have a safe spring break, girls. Oh, no beta again.**

**Xx Nathalie**

**--**X--

_Well, I don't know how to say this right_  
_And the words got me chokin'_  
_I keep hittin' this wall_  
_It's never gonna fall_  
_And we're still broken_  
_This mountain we've been trying to climb_  
_It's never ending_  
_Just can't do nothing_  
_Gotta do something_  
_'Cause if we don't open up our eyes_  
_We're just pretending_

Today is possibly the last day that the whole cast and crew will ever spend together. Their show is sadly coming to an end, and everyone is doing everything they can to keep each other motivated. Sophia's job has been to paint on a famous fake smile, and hand out fake encouragements to the crew. After all, as Mark said, they can't start slacking.

"It's so weird that after seven years this could be it." She mumbled, sitting down on a lounge chair in the lobby of the Hotel that had been rented out entirely for the cast and crew.

"Yeah." Sighed James, looking dreamily at the snow that coated the frame of the window pane, magnificently showing off the latest peeks of the mountains.

"But we'll still keep in contact!" James slightly jumped, being revived by Sophia squeezing his knee.

"Oh yeah, definitely." He nodded, not being able to hide the nervous glances at Sophia.

"Something wrong?" She knew him since he was a minor and he might be a good actor, but she could easily read him like a book. She used to consider herself extremely close to him, but after their short lived romance, it seemed like they were trying to be friends, than actually being friends.

"Nah. Everything's cool." He let out a nervous laugh, running his fingers through his dark hair.

"James. Don't pull that shit with me." She huskily laughed, moving herself closer to him.

"Alright, alright." He sighed. "I talked to Chad last night." He stopped, and rolled his eyes when he saw Sophia scuff, demanding him to get to the point. "He's going to take your movie." He stopped once again, intently watching Sophia try to make sense of what he was telling her.

"What do you _mean_ by 'take your movie', James?" She was now looking at the carpeted floor, her breaths already coming in an abnormal pattern.

"He's going to play your significant other in the movie."

"_No_."

"Yeah. He called the producers and basically bought out the other actor." He continued speaking, even though he could tell Sophia's mind had left seconds ago. "It was some Austrian nobody, it was easy and cheap." James finished, waiting for Sophia's reaction.

"Where is he?" She asked in a monotone voice, which caused the hairs in his back to stand up. He couldn't see her face, but he could already picture her hazel eyes seething red.

"Now, Soph. You just need to relax, I bet-" He stopped speaking as soon as her eyes made contact with his. Definitely way worse than what he imagined.

"Where is he, James?" She asked once again, trying to keep herself together, even though he could see how tightly her jaw was clenched, and how her nails were about to dig holes into the couch.

"His room." James answered almost immediately. "But Soph, don't kill him!" He called after her. She was already half way up the stairs and made no acknowledgment to hearing him.

_Well, there's a time for givin' up_  
_Didn't want to have to say it_  
_All we doin' is building walls_  
_And now there's too many barriers_

--X--

Sophia could swear that her knuckles would start bleeding any second. Chad had already called from the room demanding that whoever it was "just relax" and that he was "coming." He wasn't even done with unlocking the door, when he felt himself get thrown back, landing on his bed.

"What the hell! Sophia!?" He yelled, rubbing the back of his neck, which had made impact with the remote control.

"I was about to say the same thing to you!" She hissed back, closing the door so none of the neighboring cast or crew would hear.

"Wanna tell me what this is about?" He laughed sarcastically, now getting up and attempting to walk past her.

He stopped when he felt her nails dig into his chest, and it wasn't until she felt herself touching wet skin, that she realized Chad was in nothing but a towel. "Don't act stupid." She growled, before disgustedly removing her hands from his chest.

"Oh, this must be about _our_ movie?" He asked teasingly, not being able to get enough of an angry Sophia. She was just too damn sexy.

"_Our_!?" She let out a baffled laugh. "Are you hearing yourself right now!?" How could he have the audacity to stand before her and refer to the movie as "ours"!? It was her movie, not his. It was the movie of her dreams, and now he was going to take that from her too.

"Well technically, there are a few more papers I have to sign, and I don't have the script yet. But yeah, ours." He explained, as if she really cared to know. "Isn't that exciting, baby?" He asked, opening himself up to her, as if she was going to embrace him.

"You are the lowest piece of filth on this planet." She spat. Her anger making it possible to keep her tears back.

"I thought you'd be excited." He shrugged, knowing fully well that this was exactly the sort of reaction he expected.

"Just, Chad." She stopped, taking in a deep breath before looking him back in the eyes. Her anger apparently dropping, but her annoyance not lacking. "Please, call them back and say that you're no longer interested. It's not too late." She begged, her raspy voice becoming more like a lullaby, bringing him into a trance. Too consumed by the woman before him.

"I can't do that Soph." He shook his head, closing his eyes, hoping that if he couldn't see her, he would be able to reject her.

She couldn't help but smile when she realized what she was doing to him. She took a few steps, so her chest was touching his wet one. "Please." She whispered into his ear, standing up on her tip toes, draping one hand around his neck, the other unconsciously tracing his abs. Even she wasn't even fully aware of what she was doing.

"That's _not_ fair." He managed to get out, suddenly feeling himself begin to get hard. Her chest not parting, but pushing itself closer to him, until he could feel her breath against his neck. That alone had the power to cause sparks to shoot down his spine.

"Open your eyes." She coaxed, bringing her hand from her abs, and placing it against his cheek. He did as he was told and regretted it immediately.

"Really not fair." He whispered, watching her eyes roll back, as she moaned when he grabbed her ass with both hands. Pressing her against the situation that she had just created.

"Say you won't take the movie." She whispered, doing her best to ignore the feelings of euphoria that he was causing her.

"_Mayb_e a kiss." He challenged her, watching her squirm against him. It was obvious that she was having an inner battle with herself. She might be undeniable, but he knew he had the same effect with her.

She looked back up at him, her eyes now suddenly filled with insecurities, and he was about to tell her that she didn't have to do that, but when he felt her lips pressed against his for the first time, he was too far gone. It was hardly a kiss really, their lips barely making contact with each other, but that simple kiss was causing both of them to feel emotions that they hadn't felt in years.

"Soph." He whispered, pulling himself back. Trying to catch his breath, while watching her touch her lips, almost in disbelief at what she had just done.

"You should call them ASAP, they need to get the other actor." She finally spoke. Shaking whatever had just engulfed her away. Doing everything possible to not make eye contact with him again. She knew if something similar happened again, she wouldn't be stopping at a kiss.

"I said _maybe_."

"What?" She looked up at him, almost in disbelief. Hoping and praying that she had heard him wrong.

"I'm not quitting the movie. This is exactly what I need." He spoke firmly, his back now to her. He couldn't bear to see her face right now. He was fully aware of how wrong this was, and how unfair this all was to her. But this was exactly what he need, and if he wanted to be completely honest, this was the perfect way to serenade her back into his arms.

"But, _you_ said." She whispered, her voice cracking, as the tears began to etch their way down her flawless skin.

"_I_ didn't say anything." He spoke, showing no emotion on the outside. His heart breaking for her on the inside. He hated what whenever she cried, it was always because of him.

She didn't say anything. She simply stood behind him, her feet not allowing her to move. When it was obvious that he wasn't going to say anything, and that her brain was incapable of granting her something to say, she began to walk away. Once she got to the door, she hesitated, then turned around, huskily whispering loud enough for him to hear, "And I thought you'd changed."

_Here we are lying here_  
_It's our last final goodnight_  
_Just because it feels so good_  
_No use pretending we're alright_  
_Too many locks, too many crimes_  
_Too many tears, too many lies_  
_Too many barriers_

--X--

"That asshole!" Jana was sitting on her bed, nervously watching her dear friend storm back and fourths in front of her.

"I know!" Sophia didn't stop, she simply threw her hands in the air, in agreement with Jana.

"And to think you were married." Jana laughed, mindlessly flipping the page of her magazine.

"Don't even remind me." Shrilled Sophia, covering her face with her hands, as she fell back onto the bed. "What the hell am I gonna do?" She asked, more to herself.

"You said it's too late to back out?" Jana asked, crawling across the bed to where Sophia was laying.

"Yeah." She nodded against her hands.

"Then suck it up. You gotta be professional." She encouraged, rubbing Sophia's head playfully.

"This will be hell."

"If you make it hell, it will."

"Jana, you don't-"

"Soph!" Jana snapped, rolling her eyes in aggravation. "Stop with the bullshit. You're strong. If you go into this with a shit load of negativity, then yeah it'll fucking blow. But if you talk to him, and both decide to get over the bullshit, then I don't see any possible way of making a shitty movie." She finished, slightly shrugging.

"You're right." Sophia nodded. Jana was right, she didn't give Chad a chance to explain. Sure, what he was doing was incredibly fucked up, but maybe if they came together, they could put the past behind and work together to make a movie. I mean, how hard could that be?

"Of course I am." Jana nodded, perking up, and twirling her hair. "Now stop the brooding and get dressed. It's the last dinner tonight." She smiled, getting up and walking into the bathroom. Leaving Sophia alone, her mind torturing her without reprieve.

_Now we've been draggin' this whole thing out_  
_But I can't wait any longer_  
_Our love's burning down_  
_Creepin' in the doubt_  
_We're not getting any stronger_  
_I hear you say that we're doin' OK_  
_But, baby, I don't think so_  
_Just can't do nothin', gotta do something_  
_'Cause if I don't get into my car I won't go very far._

--X--

"Soph, you look aweeeeeeeeeesome!" Jana clapped, running to her friend who was standing in front of the mirror. Sophia ran her hands over the dark red dress that was perfectly hugging all her curves.

"You don't think it's too much?" She asked, second doubting her reflection.

"Uh, no. They said 'dress to impress', didn't they?" She smiled, nudging her friend over so they were both in the mirror. Fixing their makeup, and tucking lose strands of hair away from their faces.

"I'm going to miss you, Jana." Sophia whispered, draping her arm over her friend, watching Jana's reflection in the mirror.

"You better not forget about me." She teased, not being able to fight back the sudden sadness that had washed over her.

"What! You better not forget me when you're singing with Taylor Swift." Sophia laughed, pulling her friend into an embrace.

"You have an unnatural obsessing with Taylor Swift." Jana laughed, tears slipping from her eyes.

"She may be like 15, but she can sing." Sophia defended, pulling back and helping her friend wipe the tears away.

"You better text me everyday." Jana instructed, pointing a finger at Sophia before turning back to the mirror to fix her slightly smeared makeup.

"I will. And I'll find the best wedding present ever." She smiled, sitting down on the bed. She couldn't help but be slightly envious of Jana. She had everything. Her acting career was really kicking off, she was going to be getting signed by some huge music labels, and pretty soon she would be married to an incredible guy. She had all those things once, at least, she likes to believe that she had.

"Why are you sad, Sophie?" Jana stopped applying eyeliner, not turning from the mirror, instead inspecting her reflection.

"I'm not sad. I'm just thinking." She smiled, shrugging the thoughts away.

"Good." Jana smiled, capping the eyeliner and dropping it into her purse. "Shall we go?" She asked, placing her hand out for Sophia to take.

"We shall." Sophia smiled back, grabbing her hand and pulling her friend out the door.

_Well there's a time for giving up_  
_Didn't want to have to say it_  
_All we're doing is building walls_  
_Now there's too many barriers_

--X--

Sophia and Jana made their way into the darkly lit restaurant. The cast and crew were the only ones that would be eating there tonight. They somehow made their way into the very back, stopping when they both reached the bar.

"And what can I get you two?" The bar tender asked, not being able to scan his eyes over both of their bodies.

Sophia rolled her eyes. "I'll have whatever is on tap." The brown eyed man turned his gaze to Jana, who nodded her head in agreement with Sophia's order.

"There you two are!" Both girls turned around in their stools to see Mark making his way towards them, a dark red drink in his hand.

"Sorry it took so long!" Sophia laughed apologetically.

"It started snowing on the way here." Jana added, turning around and taking a large gulp of her beer.

"It's cool. Gave us time to get drunk." He laughed, beginning to turn around to make his way into the crowd of crew guys.

"Where do we sit?" Sophia called out, slightly smiling when she heard him yell back "Where ever!"

"Should we just follow him?" Jana laughed, getting up from her chair.

"That would probably be a good idea." Sophia nodded, following her friend.

"Shit. Do we have to pay?" Jana stopped, turning around so she was facing the bar tender.

"Nah. Some blonde guy took care of everyone's drinks." He shrugged, before walking to the other side of the bar.

"Chad." They both whispered in unison.

_Here we are lying here_  
_It's our last final goodnight_  
_Just because it feels so good_  
_No use pretending we're alright_  
_Too many locks, too many crimes_  
_Too many tears, too many lies_  
_Too many barriers_

--X--

Sophia and Jana sat next to Mark, parallel from James and Chad. The dinner consisted mostly of Mark reminding them of pranks and parties they all took part in years ago, and of how they all teased James about not being able to get into the bars. Chad and Sophia didn't acknowledge each other for a large portion of the night, actually, they didn't acknowledge each other at all until James brought up the movie.

"I hear you have to dye your hair blonde?" James asked. Sophia slowly looked up from her plate. Shooting an icy glance at Chad, before doing the same to James.

"What!? You're dying your hair blonde!?" Mark asked, throwing his fork down. Sophia now being the most interesting thing in a three table radius. "Why didn't you tell me!?" He laughed, nudging her playfully.

"It was _supposed_ to be a secret." She hissed through a clenched jaw, throwing Chad another malevolent glance.

"Then how did James know?" Mark teased, not even close to realizing what he was causing.

Sophia desperately glanced around the table, looking for Austin to somehow change the subject, but realizing for the first time that night that she hadn't seen him at all.

"Is Austin here?" She asked, changing the subject with more ease than she thought possible. Thank God for the little red drink Mark was drinking.

"Uh, I actually haven't seen him in a few hours..." Mark trailed off, not showing any concern.

"But, he's here?"

"He was." Mark nodded, turning back to the conversation him and some of the producers were having.

"Jana, I'll be right back." Sophia whispered, before quietly getting up, unnoticed by anyone. Well, almost anyone. She began to walk around the tables, trying to make out the faces in the dark room. She was about to give up, and walk back to her table, when she made out a solitary shape sitting on the bar. She cautiously made her way up to him, sitting next to him. He didn't bother to see who it was, he already knew.

"What's wrong?" She asked, placing her hand on his.

"Nothing." He shrugged, his gaze still on the half empty beer bottle.

"Austin, talk to me." She begged, gently grabbing his jaw and turning him so he was looking into her eyes. She could see just how broken he was. She could see how lonely he felt. And she couldn't hide the guilt that began to tug at her heart, because she knew it was all her fault. She had been the one that caused this. She knew how it felt to think that you weren't good enough. To feel as though the love of your life loved someone else. It hurt. It hurt more than anything, and she was guilty of causing that to him.

"Is it true you're doing that movie with Chad?" He shook his head out of her grasp, his eyes turning back to the beer bottle, taking a large gulp before looking back at her.

"Yeah, but-" She stopped mid sentence when she saw him shake his head and begin to get out of his stool. Her brain and eyes now too foggy to think clearly. Her mind not being able to comprehend what was happening. Things were entirely too complicated.

"Save it, Sophia." He slurred, making his way towards the exit of the restaurant.

"Austin, please." She pleaded, grabbing the back of his shirt. Holding on for dear life.

"No, Sophia. Listen to me. I will not be your rebound. I will not let you settle for me. We both know I'm not the guy for you. You need to let go of that fantasy." With that he pulled her to him, kissing her gingerly on the forehead, before turning around and walking out of the bar.

"But I love you." She whispered to herself, the burning sensation of tears and familiar tightening of her throat making themselves known. She slowly turned around, but stopped dead in her tracks. She looked up to find Chad standing before her, his eyes alone expressing how sorry he was, how much he loves her. They didn't say anything, instead she let herself be lead into his arms. Feeling the front of his shirt soak from her tears, not being able to make out the things he was whispering to her.

_In your hurry to get somewhere_  
_In a hurry to get somewhere_  
_And the world's tryin' to stop us_  
_And you feel like you're nowhere_  
_'Cause the world's tryin' to stop ya_  
_Stop ya_  
_Too many barriers_


	12. Up High

**You can thank my subconscious for this update! Me and my friend stayed up till like midnight discussing BL/CS. Thus, I for some reason ended up dreaming about them, which is extremely rare. The dreams really got me to want to write. This chapter isn't anything big. Oh, and this reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally will be the last UD for at least 10 days or so. I leave on Monday.**

**Xx Nathalie**

--X--

The season had officially ended, and Sophia found herself sitting in first class. Next to Chad. In a plain destined for Austria. Now three hundred miles away from Austin, and still going. She couldn't help but look over at Chad. They had been in the flight for only a few hours and he was already sleeping. Sophia unconsciously rolled her eyes, turning to gaze out the window. It was hopeless, all she could see was frost beginning to cover the small window, making the dark night less visible. She began to tap on the small tray in front of her, quickly getting anxious. She hadn't landed in Austria yet, and she already wanted to end this.

"What's wrong with you?" Sophia anxiously looked over to find Chad shifting positions, as he rubbed the sleep from his face.

"Don't even ask me that." Sophia hissed, turning her attention back towards the window. Secretly, a small part of her rejoicing that he was awake.

"I thought you _loved_ long flights." He laughed, turning his wrist over so he could see what time it was.

"I do."

"Then why so gloomy?"

"Oh, I don't know Chad! Maybe because of the fact that you-" She was waving her hands in the air, keeping her voice quite, but her movements were enough to cause a few people to give them unsure looks.

"Stop!" He cut her off, gently squeezing her hand. "I know you probably wanted this flight and experience to not be tainted by my presence, but I'm here. At least give me a chance." He whispered, letting go of her small hand. Watching her body relax, and her eyes begin to look down ashamedly.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled. Not wanting to look at him, and now contradicting her earlier hopes that he would stay awake.

"Don't be." He smiled, gently grabbing her chin, directing her so she was looking back into his eyes. Bringing her into a trance. "I know I've been an asshole, but I really have changed." His last words suddenly pulling her back for the hypnotizing state she was in.

"You say you change, but your actions don't say otherwise." She replied, gently shrugging her shoulders, shaking her head out of his grasp.

"Because _you_ won't give me a chance to prove it."

Sophia shook her head, suddenly not being able to take in anymore of what he was saying. "Have you noticed how whenever we talk, it's always the same conversation?" She was looking back at him now, watching his chest rise and fall. Watching him fidget with his hands.

"Because we haven't gotten it right!" He replied, now being the one to throw his hands in the air.

"Haven't gotten what right!?" She scoffed, her annoyance and anger rising.

"The why." He whispered, looking back to her. His eyes were no longer a fierce shade of blue, instead they were dull, lifeless.

"What do you mean the why?"

"What do I mean? Why we can be together one second and not the next. Why you tell me you love me, but then completely shut me out. Why you say we can be friends one day, and never want to see me the next."

"Chad-" She waved him to stop. Not being able to take anymore of what he was saying. She knew how he felt, and she knew she was wondering the same things. But she couldn't give him an answerer. Some things were just best left alone.

"No! I want to know how I can tell you that I love you, and that I miss you, and you just wave it away. You completely shut me out. As if by not listening to what I say, it somehow means that I don't really mean it." He finished. Taking a deep breath, before realizing that Sophia was now crying, still unable to look him directly in the eyes.

He didn't say anything. The feeling in his chest had somehow turned his brain off. All he could think about was holding her, and making her feel better. So with that, he pulled her over, letting her head rest against his chest. Not allowing himself to fall asleep until he felt her breathing go back to normal, and her eye lids begin to close.

_Chad found himself in the backyard of a large Colonial house. It was a creamy off white color. The yard adorned with rose bushes and maple trees, which hid the house from the rest of the world. He knew that he was dreaming, but when he heard that familiar raspy laugh, he couldn't help but eagerly turn around and quickly make his way towards the house. He hesitated before walking in, afraid that this dream might somehow turn into a night mare, like they usually did. But when he once again heard the sweet melodies of her laugh, he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He quickly opened the door, bursting into the room. He felt himself smile when he saw Sophia giving him a surprised expression, which quickly turned into a full dimpled smile._

_She was sitting Indian style on the carpeted floor. Baby toys littering the floor around her. The bright colors making Chad feel as if he was in one of the toy stores he always wished to visit when he was a small child, but knowing that could never happen._

_It wasn't until he heard the words "daddy", that he turned around to see two little girls making their way towards his legs. Knocking him slightly out of balance when they made impact with him, hugging his legs tightly._

_"Where were you?" Sophia asked, forcing herself up from the floor. Chad couldn't help but get butterflies when he saw the large tummy she had, unable to see it before, since she had her back to him._

_He couldn't think of anything to say to her. This was a dream and he was sick of talking. That's all they ever did now. Talk and fight. Endless words that never seemed to get them anywhere. That always seemed to leave them with a greater heartache than they had before. So instead of replying to her, he grabbed her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace._

_"Do you know how much I love you?" He whispered into her hair, feeling her body mesh into his. Even with a large tummy, she still seemed to fit perfectly in her arms._

_She didn't reply to him. Instead she moved her arms from around his waist, draping them around his neck. Slowly pulling him down, so their noses were touching. They stayed like that for a few minutes, both too mesmerized by the other, that was until Sophia looked away, her eyes suddenly clouded over._

_"Why did you leave us?" She asked. Something felt wrong. The dream was no longer filled with the bright colors, with the intoxicating smell of Sophia's shampoo, or with the pure bliss that happened to engulf Chad when he walked in the door._

_"I didn't leave you." Chad followed her, his voice beginning to sound like a young child whining. Begging his mom to believe that he wasn't the one that broke the vase._

_Sophia stopped dead in her tracks, and Chad took the chance to pull her over, so she was back to being face to face with him. He unconsciously stepped back when he saw the woman in front of him. Sophia's skin was no longer flawless, her hair was no longer the dark rich color that he seemed to not get enough of. Instead her skin was covered with wrinkles and creases. Her hair was no longer dark, instead it was dull shade of gray._

_"You said we would be together forever." The aged Sophia whispered back to him, accusingly. A crooked finger pointing towards Chad's horrified face._

_"I-" He tried to force out words, but it was as if he was unable to come up with something that would make sense of this._

_"Look what you did to me!" The older Sophia screamed, lunging herself towards him._ He was about to begin to run away, but he suddenly found himself being woken up. Feeling the cool sweat running down his face, his heart hammering so loud that he was sure everyone could heart it.

"Chad, are you okay!?" Sophia whispered, not being able to help the mothering side that took over, pulling a napkin out and gently dabbing it against his forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He managed to get out, quickly turning his gaze towards Sophia. Unconsciously sighing when he found her face as flawlessly perfect as ever. "Just a bad dream." He whispered, forcing a smile at her.

"O-okay..." She nodded. Still watching him curiously. Making sure he wasn't hiding something from her.

"Really. I'm fine." He smiled, being able to tell that she was still unsure as to believe him or not.

Sophia hesitantly nodded, once again. Instead of resting her head back onto his shoulder, she scooted in the opposite direction. Propping a pillow against the cool window, before laying her head on it. She effortlessly felt herself be taken away by her unconscious, finding some sort of safety in her dreams.

_She found herself in a dark red room. She didn't stand up, instead she turned her head, taking in all the pictures and paintings that seemed to make up a great deal of the room. It wasn't until she felt someone pulling her over, that she realized she wasn't the only one in the bed._

_"Good morning, beautiful." He smiled, his eyes still closed._

_"How did you know I was awake?" She giggled, draping an arm over his bare chest, while her head gently rested against him._

_"I know you." He smiled, opening his eyes, gently kissing her forehead._

_"Oh yeah?" She teased, scrunching her nose. "What am I thinking then?" She couldn't help the smile that was decorating her face. And he couldn't get enough of those dimples._

_"Well," he said, pretending as if he was in a great deal of thought. "You're thinking about how badly you want to have sex with me right now." He said seriously, but she could see the small smile on his lips._

_"Is that so?" She teased back, a skeptical look on her face._

_"It is." He whispered. He swiftly moved her head from his chest, moving himself with ease on top of her. No longer being able to hold back the playful smile._

_"You're not completely right." She replied in her signature raspy tone. She couldn't help but smile proudly when he saw the confused expression on his face. "I was thinking of you doing all the work." She finished, seeing the lust in his eyes._

_He didn't say anything, instead he plunged into her neck. Kissing the warm skin, making his way from her earlobe down to her pulse point. She couldn't hold back the moan that escaped from withing her when she felt himself press against her, like he did only a few nights ago._

_"Chad," She moaned, no longer being able to breathe unless he was inside of her. "Fuck me. Now." She whispered into his ear, feeling him nod his head against her neck._

_"Do you want anything?" She heard him whisper against her. She no longer felt the euphoric feelings that were threatening to take her seconds again. _Instead the voice of Chad was pounding against her ears. "Soph do you want anything?" Her eyes flew open, quickly adjusting to the light. Once everything was in focus she looked over to see Chad pointing at a food cart.

"No." She growled, closing her eyes. Trying to return to the dream that she had been enjoying seconds ago. It was hopeless. She was wide awake now.

"Something wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah, Chad. Some of us enjoy our fucking sleep." She snapped, annoyingly flipping through the safety manual that was tucked behind the seat in front of her.

"Well, I'm sorry. I thought you'd be hungry!" He snapped. Suddenly not being able to keep himself relaxed any longer.

"Well, thank you worrying!" She hissed, trying to scoot as far away from him as physically possible.

"I'll be sure to not disrupt you next time you're dream fucking Austin." he laughed, rolling his eyes, and turning in the opposite direction of her.

"_How dare you_." She whispered, her facial reaction seeming to look as though she had just been slapped in the face.

He didn't say anything. Instead he laughed, rolling his eyes to himself. The simple fact that Sophia was probably dreaming about Austin was enough to bring out his inner devil. The jealousy being too much for him. He had no clue how wrong he was.

"Turn around." She instructed. Her voiced laced with a toxic amount of anger. "I said, turn around!" She hissed, grabbing him by the hair when he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"What the hell!?" He gasped. Grabbing at the hair that she had just pulled. Making sure it was all still there, before turning back to her. Watching a proud smile fitted across her face.

"I hope that hurt." She spat, making a hand gesture towards his now pulsing head.

She almost let out a scream when she found his harms grasping her shoulders. "Chad!" She managed to choke out, still in shock. "Let go!" She continued frantically. Looking around for anyone that could possibly stop him.

"You have turned into the biggest bitch I know." He whispered, the anger in his voice was making tingles shoot down Sophia's spine.

"All thanks to you." She gave him a sarcastic smile, pushing him away from her.

"And I thought it would be easy to spend a month with your royal ass." He laughed, turning so he was completely parallel with the seat in front of him.

"I guess you'll just have to quit then."

"Not a chance."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too." He spat back frustrated. It was ridiculous how childish she made him feel. How easily she could make him angry. How easily she could make his heart melt.

--X--

They awoke in unison when they heard the pilot make an announcement that they would be landing in an hour. It wasn't until he was done speaking that they both realized that they were resting on each other. Sophia's arm laying across his chest, Chad's arm draped around her shoulders, holding her against him. They both awkwardly pulled away from each other. Choosing not to acknowledge the way that their bodies just seemed to call out for each others.

"I'm sorry for calling you a bitch."He mumbled, looking at her. His gaze was gentle, and loving. Like the way it usually was when it came to her.

"I'm sorry for pulling your hair." She mumbled back, before both of them exploded into laughter at the way that they had both previously acted.

"I deserved that." He nodded, catching the last of her smile, before she turned back into that insecure state that seemed to have taken over her.

"Do you have all of your lines down?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, uhm, yeah." He nodded, smiling back at her when she nodded in respond. "I'm excited to do a movie with you." He confessed.

"Hopefully it won't be any worse than this plain ride." She chuckled. Playfully nudging him on the shoulder.

"Well, we could make this ride better." He replied, tapping his lips with his pointer finger. Reminding Sophia of the dream _she_ had earlier.

"Yeah?" She asked, quirking her perfectly plucked brows.

"I've always wanted to join the mile high club." He whispered, deep in thought.

"Oh my God!" Sophia laughed, punching him on the arm. "Stop picturing it!" She burst out in her raspy laugh. Reminding Chad of_ his _earlier dream.

"Who says I was picturing _you_?" He teased, trying to look serious.

She was about to give him one of the quick comebacks she was famous for, when the pilot came on the speakers, instructing everyone to fasten their seat belts.

Sophia couldn't ignore the butterflies that began to terrorize her insides. It wasn't because of the turbulence, but because this was it. She was really about to spend a full month with Chad. In a different country. The sex capitol of the world, no less.

"You okay?" He asked, gently squeezing her hand when he realized the sick feeling she had on her face.

"Just nervous." She smiled, turning her gaze towards the window. The sun was just beginning to rise, and the view was absolutely breath taking.

"Don't be." He whispered, as Sophia turned around and locked eyes with him. Unspoken words being transmitted from one to the other.

Sophia had the sudden urge to tell him she loved him. That she missed him so much. That there wasn't a day in which she didn't think about him. That she dreamed about him every single night. That the thought of him would keep her awake late at night without reprieve. And she was about to say it, but when the young flight attendant came by to check on them, the moment was lost. She came back to her senses. The reality in which her and Chad would never happen. _Ever._

--X--

"Where do we go?" Sophia asked, trying to find her way through the mob of people. When she didn't hear Chad reply to her, she began to panic. "Chad?" She quietly called out, scanning her eyes frantically through the crowd.

She was about to call again, but stopped when she felt someone grab her hand, and whisper reassuringly "I'm here." She lazily nodded her head, letting herself be lead by him through the crowds of people. Not allowing her grip on his hand to loosen. Unable to see the proud smile Chad had. He was holding her hand. She still trusted him deep down.

They continued to push their way through the endless sea of people, until they found themselves in front of an almost empty gate. The only people there were the few that had been aboard the flight, and a tall blonde man, dressed in a suit, a sign in his hands reading, "Mr. Murray and Ms. Bush."

Chad nodded towards him, and as they began to make their way, Sophia let go of his hand.

"Chad and Sophia?" He asked, giving them both a warm smile. They both nodded, returning the smile. "Welcome to Austria!" He beamed, shaking both of their hands.

"Thank you." They both replied in unison.

"Shall we get your bags?" He asked in his thick accent, pointing towards the luggage that had began to pour out of the machine.

"And what's your name?" Sophia asked, while they all stood around the gate. Waiting for a familiar luggage to come out.

"Oh, excuse me!" He laughed, rolling his eyes. "My name is Adler."

"It's nice to meet you." Sophia smiled, before pointing towards her Calvin Klein suitcase.

"I got it." Chad said, as the luggage began to come closer to them.

"Oh no, I can get it." Adler laughed, grabbing the suitcase seconds before Chad had the chance to.

The annoyed look went unnoticed by Adler, but Sophia had looked at Chad just in time to catch the jealous glance Chad had thrown at him. "Chad." She whispered to him, trying to calm him down. It used to be cute how protective he was of her, but now it was incredibly annoying.

They waited a few more minutes, and once they had all the suitcases stacked in two different carts, they began to make their way outside. A cold March wind greeted them, and Sophia found herself unconsciously bringing her body closer to Chad's. Trying to get as much possible heat as possible.

"You two wait right here." Adler instructed when they walked by a small bench. "I will go and bring the car." Sophia and Chad both nodded, as he walked away.

"I don't like him."

"Oh God, Chad." Sophia rolled her eyes, sitting down and zipping her jacket up. "Just get over it."

"What!? He's a stuck up prick." Chad continued, not being able to comprehend how Sophia didn't agree with him.

"Whatever." She mumbled. Wrapping her arms around her chest, trying to keep warm.

"You can wear my jacket if you want." He offered, walking over and sitting himself next to her.

"I'm fine." She replied in a monotone voice.

"You're fucking freezing!" He exclaimed, beginning to take his jacket off.

She rolled her eyes and hesitantly took it. Mumbling a "thank you," as she fumbled with the zipper.

A few seconds later Adler was driving up the ramp, parking the car in front of them. He got out, and opened the trunk of the black BMW, suddenly sensing the tension in the atmosphere.

"I'm sorry to ask, but is there something going on between you and the Ms.?" Adler asked, as he and Chad stacked the last of the luggage in the trunk. Chad looked around and when he realized that Sophia was already inside the car, he found it safe to continue.

"She's my ex wife." Chad replied. Slamming the trunk closed. And walking away towards the passenger door. Leaving Adler standing by the trunk. A small smile on his face.

"Das sollte eine gute." _This should be good. _


	13. Feels Like Home

**Hey all! Wow. Thank you so much for all the reviews! It really makes me happy and gives me that extra push to post a new chapter. I hope everyone is having a good weekend. And for all of you guys that want some BL smut, do not worry! It's coming. I just have to wait for a time where it would be realistic. Sorry this was a short one.**

**Xx Nathalie**

--X--

Sophia found herself sitting on the floor of an eighteenth century styled hotel room, mindlessly putting articles of clothing out to hang. Adler had dropped them both off, and quickly lead them to the hotel rooms they would be calling home for a month. Chad's was the one next door to her. She couldn't help but roll her eyes in frustration at the thought that he was so close. She was about to get up, forgetting for a second why she was on the floor, but a soft knock interrupted her.

"Chad, I _really_ don't have time for this right now." She began to mumble as she struggled to open the door, but quickly stopped when she saw Adler standing there instead.

"Were you expecting someone else?" He asked innocently, glancing around. Sophia couldn't help but smile, but something deep down was telling her that this man was bad news. She quickly shook the thought away, opening the door wider, and signaling for him to come in.

"I'm just unpacking." She explained when she saw him quickly glance at the few articles of clothing that were littering the floor.

"You have only been here for one day and you have made a mess." He joked in his thick accent. Sophia wasn't in the mood for company, but she nodded and let out a small laugh.

"So if I'm not wrong, you're in charge of getting us to filming?" Sophia asked, sitting herself down on the bed.

"Uh that is correct. I also in charge of taking you out to where ever _you_ would like." He smiled, sitting himself on the bed, not noticing Sophia shift uncomfortably away.

"Oh, well I guess that's fun." She smiled, nervously tapping her fingers, in rhythm, across her lap.

"It will be." He nodded. "I could take you out tonight, show you the city." He beamed, suddenly jumping off of the bed, the unexpected movement making Sophia jump.

"Oh, I really don't think I could tonight." She laughed.

"Of course you could!" He insisted, jokingly pulling her from the bed.

"Adler, I really don't think so." She insisted, her smile beginning to fade.

"Sophia, it will be fun! _I _promise!" He laughed, not taking his eyes away from her until she hesitantly nodded her head.

"Perfect!" He smiled, walking out of the room. Sophia followed, disgusted in herself for even agreeing. She was lost in her thoughts and almost didn't notice Chad open the door, a confused look on his face when he saw the two.

"What's going on?" He asked, unconsciously running his fingers through his hair. It was evident that he had just woken up from his sleep.

"Adler, why don't we invite Chad?" Sophia smiled, suddenly thanking the heavens for awakening him. Truth was, she didn't feel comfortable going out in a foreign city with a man she had just met.

Adler was obviously not thrilled with the idea, but shot Chad a fake smile and nodded along with what Sophia was saying.

"Get dressed. We'll be waiting in the parking lot." Sophia hissed before turning her back to him and following Adler into the elevator.

--X--

Exactly ten minutes later, Sophia finally saw the familiar looking man walking in the darkness towards the car. She couldn't help but let out a breath that she didn't know she was holding. She didn't understand why, but she felt safe with him.

"Sorry about that." He whispered, joining Sophia in the backseat of the car.

Sophia couldn't help but take in the sweet smell of the cologne he was wearing. She also couldn't help but stare at his deep blue eyes, looking a dark shade of blue in the darkness. "It's okay," she whispered back, forcing her eyes to look somewhere else.

"Why did you invite me?" He asked, genuinely curious. It bothered him so badly how he never seemed to understand anything she did anymore. Once upon a time he could predict everything she would do and say, and now, now he simply didn't know.

Sophia hesitantly shrugged her shoulders. "I thought you would like to come." She mumbled dejectedly. The tone not surpassing Chad.

"You were right." He smiled, his heart swelling when she returned the smile. Her dimples only making her cuter than she already was, her eyes sparkling in the moon light.

Their moment was interrupted by Adler, who wasn't blind to what was happening a few feet behind him. "Where would you like to go?" He asked, shifting his glance from the road to the backseat.

"Oh, I don't know." Sophia replied, disappointment apparent on her face.

"How bout you?" He asked, shifting his glance to Chad.

"Any good restaurant? I'm starving." He replied to Adler, shifting his glance to Sophia, who nodded in agreement.

"Five minutes." Adler nodded, making an illegal U turn as he did.

--X--

Adler had left both of them at a restaurant, making an excuse for having to leave. Sophia couldn't help but feel slightly bad, after all, he probably wanted to spend the night showing her the city.

"What's on your mind?" Chad asked, watching Sophia mindlessly trace the glass of wine with her pinky finger. He couldn't help but smile when she slightly jumped and met her eyes with his.

"Just stuff." She answered, watching him nod his head as he reached down for his glass of wine, bringing it to his lips but not letting his eyes slip away from hers.

"Bad stuff?" He asked, bringing the glass down.

"All sorts of stuff." Sophia whispered, following Chad's earlier action and taking a long sip of wine herself.

"_Don't_ torture yourself." Chad let out a laugh when he saw Sophia squint her eyes, shaking her head from side to side.

"So now I can't think?" She accused, even though a smile was playing at her lips.

"I just know you." He replied, watching the smile fade from her lips, a more serious look beginning to wash over her.

"You don't. Not anymore." She shook her head, dropping her eyes to the plate of food in front of her. Why was it that they could never had a conversation without one of them ruining it. Or maybe it was the fact that she somehow found a way to make everything he said ten times worse than it really was.

"Maybe not this person. But I know the real you." He whispered, not being able to catch her eyes again. It broke him. It broke him how badly things had turned for them. Maybe there wasn't a way to fix what they had broken years ago. But somehow he couldn't accept that. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone, and he wasn't going to let her go. Not here, not ever.

"Chad." She warned. She couldn't do this right now. But something about him just made her want to melt. To let him in, to finally be with him again. She loved him, she knew that she still did. She just wanted him to understand how happy he was making her by just being here. He wished that he could see through the act that she had expertly been putting up for so long now.

"I'm glad you're here, with me." He whispered, gently grabbing her hand from across the table, watching her posture instantaneously soften.

"I've missed you." She confessed, her eyes focused on their hands. She couldn't look him in the eyes. She wasn't brave enough to see his reaction.

"I've miss you every damn day." He smiled down at her, her heart suddenly hammering against her chest. Something about him made her heart beat fast, and she was sure of one thing. She wanted to feel that everyday of her life.

"What are we going to do? We can't be together." She sighed, letting out a frustrated breath. It hurt too much.

"Who says we can't?" He asked, squeezing her hand.

"We just _can't_."

"Why, Soph?" Chad couldn't help his grip on her tightening, he couldn't let her slip away. Not again.

"Because it's not possible. Not after everything that has happened." She replied, letting go of his hand and leaving a fifty dollar bill as she got up from the table. Chad found himself getting up from the table, and quickly following her outside.

"Where are you going?" He asked, grabbing her small wrist and pulling her back.

"Walk." She replied, shaking her wrist from his grasp.

"Not alone you're not."

"I'm a big girl, Chad." She replied, rolling her eyes. Not being able to help the tightening feeling she was beginning to feel in her throat. It hurt her to reject him time after time, but eventually, even he would grow sick of it and move on.

"If you really think I'm going to let you go alone, then I really don't know you anymore." He finished. Sophia and him having an unspoken argument, their eyes not backing down. It wasn't until a group of drunk teenagers walked past them, that Sophia let out a sigh and began to walk. Chad next to her.

"You're ridiculous." She hissed, trying to keep one step ahead of him.

"I think that would be you." He laughed, catching her as she tripped over a crack on the sidewalk. The fact that she was such a lightweight when it came to alcohol always made him smile.

"Thanks." She mumbled when she caught herself. This time she let her body lean against Chad's as they both walked. His arm was tightly wrapped around her waist, and she wanted to excuse herself for allowing him to place his hand there, by blaming it on the alcohol, but she very well knew she was sober enough to say not to him. She wanted his hand there. She wanted to feel him against her. She had waited so long to feel_ something._

--X--

Chad walked her into her hotel room. It was quite funny actually. How she was hardly considered drunk, but they both so badly wanted the same thing, that they went as if they were completely unaware of what they were doing.

Sophia fell back on her bed, closing her eyes when she felt herself make impact with the soft comforter. She may not be exactly drunk, but her head was pounding. She didn't open her eyes, instead she raised her arm, signaling for him to join her.

Chad didn't abject, and his body hadn't completely made impact with the bed, before he realized that Sophia was on top of him, her legs locked around his torso. At first he didn't fully realize what was happening, but when he felt her lips crash again his, he found himself kissing her back with as much lust and desire as she was kissing him. It was intoxicating. Her taste was like a drug, every time her hot breath made contact with his skin, he couldn't help but shiver. She was just too damn sexy, and when he felt her lips part from his, only to begin to kiss and suck on his neck hungrily, he realized what was happening. How things would be if he let her continue. And he knew that if he didn't stop her soon, he would be too far gone to think about the consequences. So with that, he pulled her back. Watching her eyes shift between confusion and rejection.

"I can't let you do this." He managed to get out in between breaths. Her legs still wrapped around his waist, and he swore he could feel the heat radiating from her center. He could see her eyes begin to gloss over with tears, as she slowly nodded her head. Before she had the chance to pull herself away from him though, he pulled her back over, this time resting her head against his chest. Cradling her against him.

"Why is everything so difficult for us?" She asked, her voice breaking underneath all the pain she was feeling.

"Because we are two really fucked up people." Chad laughed, rubbing his hand in circles across her back.

"I'm sorry, I know what I did wasn't fair to you. I don't know what came over me." She whispered, feeling disgusted in herself. She wasn't like this. So why was she always finding herself in similar scenarios with this blonde?

"Don't be sorry. Alcohol makes you do things that you don't want to do."

With that statement Sophia found herself lifting her head from his chest, meeting his gaze for the millionth time that night. "I don't want you to think that I don't want you. You don't understand how badly I want to be with you. But Chad, we can't be together. We need to come to terms with that." She finished, her raspy words hanging in the air.

"But why do you say that? We can be together. Who cares what everyone else thinks!" He replied, frustrated.

"Chad, please." She begged him to stop. She didn't want to go through this. She was physically and mentally tired. She just wanted to somehow escape all the pain she was feeling. She just wanted to be happy again.

He nodded his head. Beginning to get up, but when she didn't push herself off of him, he looked at her confused. "Stay?" She whispered. She didn't want to be alone another night. She just needed to feel someone she trusted and loved next to her. And that someone was him.

He didn't give into her request right away. He watched her, hesitating to see if this was what she really wanted. When she didn't change her mind after a few seconds, he pulled her back into him, gently falling back onto the bed, wrapping one arm around her waist and closing his eyes. He wanted to cry out, because the feeling of familiarity and the sudden realization that this was how it was supposed to be, suddenly hit him. He wasn't going to give up on her.


	14. Sometimes There's Only One Choice

**Not much to say about this one. I don't care if this song is about a prostitute and I don't care if you agree with the ending. It's my story. Enjoy.**

**Xx Nathalie**

--X--

_Beauty queen of only eighteen_  
_ She had some trouble with herself_  
_ He was always there to help her_  
_ She always belonged to someone else_

Sophia woke up to an almost overpowering headache. She felt sick to her stomach and it wasn't because of the few drinks she had, but because of the choice she had made by having him spend the night with her. She knew that she had now made everything a million times more complicated than they previously were, and knew fully well that she had just given Chad the fuel to continue in his attempts of regaining her as a lover.

She almost didn't want to turn her head. She couldn't come face to face with him. It hurt too much to even think about it, to even imagine that this _wasn't_ going to be the rest of her life. Chad next to her wasn't a possibility. It never was really. She used to think he was it for her, that he was the epic romance that she dreamed about in the fourth grade. But he wasn't. He was just a page out of a book. A short love story that didn't end with a happily ever after. But just because it was short doesn't mean that the love was any less epic.

"Soph?" She slightly cocked her head to the left, watching him nervously, as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "What time is it?" He asked, finally looking back at her, a sleepy smile across his face.

"Ten." Sophia huskily whispered, turning her head in the opposite direction, before taking a deep breath and beginning to pull herself out of bed.

"Stay." He murmured, making Sophia stop. She slowly turned around, closing her eyes and shaking her head, as she mouthed the word "go".

He didn't ask questions. He didn't make it difficult. He just got up and left. Didn't look back. Didn't give her a small peck on the forehead.

She wanted to stop him. She wanted him to make it difficult. She wanted to argue. She wanted him to say something that would make her realize what she already knew. She wanted to _kiss_ him. She just missed him.

"Chad?" She called out, right before he completely shut the door. She wasn't even sure why she was calling him. She had nothing at all to say, but seconds later he was standing before her, and the only thing able to slip past her lips was, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" He asked. His blue orbs looking into her. Analyzing every movement. Trying to read her. Trying to understand what she could possibly be feeling.

"It wasn't fair of me to ask you to stay last night." She explained as she rubbed her hands on her thighs. A nervous habit she had recently obtained.

"I didn't _mind_ staying." He smiled for the first time since Sophia had asked him to leave. She couldn't help but shyly smile back, scooting slightly over when he began to sit himself next to her.

"It just wasn't the right thing to do." Sophia replied ashamedly. It wasn't fair to toy with him. She knew how much she meant to him, and how badly he wanted it all to work out, and now she was giving him false hopes. She was being a tease.

"Sophia, I'm your friend. I care about you so much, and if you ever feel like you just need someone to talk to, or you're just lonely, I'm always here." He whispered reassuringly. "I don't want you to even think twice about it." He continued, pausing before gently tilting her chin up so her eyes were locked with his.

"But friends doesn't ever work out for us, Chad." She shook her head out of his grasp, but continued to stare into his loving gaze. Mesmerized.

"Don't you think that maybe that's a sign?" He asked, but to Sophia it felt more like a statement.

"No. It's just you being stubborn." She lied. She knew that her heart yearned for him, and after all the pain he had caused her, the fact that she still loved him so much _had_ to mean something.

"Don't try to tell me you don't feel the same way I do." He replied, beginning to feel himself be taken by the frustration. She just happened to be the most stubborn person he had ever met. Not once had he seen her give up, or let someone else influence her decisions, but this time she was wrong, and he had to make her realize it.

"I don't feel the same way you do. I've come to terms with it." Another lie. And by the pained look on Chad's face, she could tell that he was beginning to believe her, which only fueled her on.

"Apparently not, or you wouldn't have asked me to stay last night." The statement caught Sophia off guard, and she immediately felt her eyes begin to sting.

"I asked you to stay because I needed a _friend_, Chad." She whispered, her voice cracking from the pressure her heart had just began to place on her. She expected him to understand, to know that she just needed to not feel lonely. She admired him so much for not questioning her as to why she had asked him to stay, or for even bringing it up, but now, now it seemed like he was using it to his better advantage, to manipulate her.

"That's not true. You asked me to stay because you miss me. You miss being _with_ me." He pressed, not caring that she was close to being in tears. She needed to just open her eyes to truth. The truth was that she still loved him, and that she belonged with him.

"Get out." She mumbled.

"Soph-" He whispered, reaching out to touch her hand.

"I said get out!" She screamed, pushing herself up from the bed and walking into the bathroom, slamming the door as she let herself slide to the floor, her hands covering the sobs that were protruding.

_I drove for miles and miles_  
_ And wound up at your door_  
_ I've had you so many times but somehow_  
_ I want more_

--X--

"Soph?" Sophia let out a breath of relief when she heard her best friend's voice coming from the other end of the line. "Jesus Christ! It's four in the morning!" Jana shrieked, making Sophia feel instantly guilty for waking her up.

"I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to you." She whispered, trying to keep herself together.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" She could hear Jana getting out of bed, and Sophia didn't reply to her until she heard Jana close the door behind her as she exited her bedroom.

"Chad slept with me last night." Sophia blurted out. Suddenly feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

"_You guys fucked!?_" Jana screamed in surprise. Making Sophia slightly laugh at the fact that no one in her neighborhood had slept through that outburst. Sophia heard some muttering in the background, which was followed by Jana demanding Johnanthon, her fiance, to go back to sleep.

"No! We just slept together." Sophia explained, trying to make the situation a smaller deal than it actually was.

"_You guys spooned!?_" Jana hissed, this time making sure she kept her voice down.

"Jana! It wasn't sexual."

"And that makes it any different?" Jana asked, making the point apparent to Sophia. Just because they didn't do anything physical, didn't mean that there wasn't anything emotional exchanged.

"Jana, I don't know what I'm going to do." Sophia confessed. She knew Jana wouldn't be able to answer all of the questions she was being taunted with, but maybe talking to someone she trusted about it, would somehow give her some clarity.

"I don't know what to tell ya." Jana replied. The words lingering for a few seconds, before hearing Sophia exhale into the receiver. "What are you thinking?" Jana asked, genuinely curious.

"How's Austin?" Sophia asked, changing the topic, the question throwing Jana off guard.

"Uh, he's fine." Jana replied. "But don't change the topic." She continued, knowing fully well how her friend was famous for changing the subject when things were finally going somewhere.

"I wasn't changing the topic. I was just wondering." Sophia replied, trying to defend herself. It was a futile effort though, her friend knew her too well.

"I'm sure. So what are you going to do about Chad?" Jana continued. She wasn't about to let the topic be dropped, specially when she had been woken up at such an hour.

"Nothing?" Sophia slowly replied, as if it was the stupidest question with the most obvious answer. "What am I supposed to do?" She laughed, but Jana could tell she was forcing it.

"Not avoid it." Jana laughed cynically. "Come on dude. You're _not_ stupid." Jana laughed again. It really was amusing how stupidly Sophia was acting.

"We _can't_ be together." Sophia once again explained.

"Why the fuck not? I mean, I don't care for the guy much, but you haven't given me a single reasonable reason as to why not." Jana explained. What she was saying was true. Sophia had expressed countless times that her and Chad could "not be together", but not once had she actually told Jana _why_.

"Because what if he does it again?" Sophia finally spoke. She felt sick after saying that, because she knew that Chad would never do this to her again.

"You don't believe that." Jana whispered, suddenly feeling sorry for her friend. She so badly wanted to understand the demons that were haunting her, and have some way to reassure her, but she just didn't.

"I gotta go." Sophia mumbled, realizing that calling Jana wasn't a good idea. She didn't know why she even bothered to talk to anyone about it. She had her mind made up, and it didn't seem to matter what anyone else thought.

"Sophia..." Jana warned.

"Good luck at your showcase." Sophia replied, ignoring her threat, and hanging up the phone.

_I don't mind spending everyday_  
_ Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_ Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_ Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_ And she will be loved_  
_ She will be loved_

--X--

"Are you alright?" Sophia looked up from the backseat to find Adler intently watching her from the rear view mirror.

"Just tired." She explained, managing to conquer up a small smile. She didn't feel like explaining the situation she was in twice in one day.

"I know you don't know me for long, but if you need to ever speak, I am a good listener." Adler replied to her, sending Sophia a smile which she returned.

"Thank you, Adler. That really means a lot." She sincerely replied in her signature raspy voice.

"Is this your first time coloring your hair?" Adler asked, suddenly bringing Sophia back into this reality. She had completely forgotten why she was even in the car.

"Yeah, it's dyed right now."

"Are you a brunette naturally?"

"It's a light shade of brown, yeah."

"Will your husband like it?" Adler asked, as he watched Sophia give him a confused smile from the back seat. "Chad, will he like it?" Adler repeated, clearing up his earlier statement.

"Oh, he's _not_ my husband." Sophia laughed, shaking her head and turning to look out the window. Was it really that obvious that she and Chad had something going on? Sophia was about to ask him how long until they arrived at the hair salon, but Adler cut her off.

"Funny." He laughed, looking into the rear view mirror and watching Sophia's confused expression. When she realized that he wasn't going to continue she became slightly agitated.

"What's funny?" She asked extremely nonchalant, while flipping her hair between her finger tips, but the truth was she was dying to know what he was talking about.

"He told me you were both married." Adler replied, this time not taking his eyes off of the road.

"You're lying." Sophia whispered, her eyes glued to the back of the passenger seat, her jaw clenched. She knew Chad. She knew he wouldn't say something like that. But then again, why would Adler lie about something like this?

"Why would you accuse me of such a thing?" Sophia snapped out of her trance to see Adler looking as if he had just been slapped in the face.

"I'm so sorry." She exclaimed. Watching his facial reaction soften. She let out a small breath and sat herself back into her seat, silently cursing Chad's name in her head.

"Why would _he_ lie about that?" Adler asked innocently. He was fully aware of the damage he was causing, which was exactly what he was aiming for.

"I have no idea." Sophia mumbled back to him. Something inside was telling her that something was wrong. She knew Chad too well. But then again, she knew how Chad felt about Adler, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise if he in fact had decided to tell something like this to Adler. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more it began to make sense. Mostly because this would be a great excuse to push him out once again.

"He is an asshole." Adler spoke up, answering his own question. Sophia wanted to laugh because that was exactly what she was thinking, but the fact that this man didn't know anything about Chad, yet he was judging him, made her blood begin to boil.

"He's not that bad, really." She retorted in a childish way, which she regretted as soon as the word "he's" escaped her lips. She could tell from the look on Adler's face that he wasn't interested in fighting with her, so the ride was a quite one until they pulled into the salon's parking lot.

"Thanks." Sophia huskily whispered as she began to exit the car, not bothering to wait for a reply, as she slammed the door behind her.

_Tap on my window knock on my door_  
_ I want to make you feel beautiful_  
_ I know I tend to get so insecure_  
_ It doesn't matter anymore_

--X--

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Sophia hissed once Chad opened the door of his hotel room, letting her storm past him.

"Your hair is blonde." He replied matter of factly, not paying any attention to the tantrum she was undergoing.

"Chad, don't play around!" She snapped, charging up to him so her chest was barely touching his. The constant fighting was beginning to become very irritating to her, but Chad was really beginning to like it. After all, it was the only time she would get close to him, and the only time she showed any emotion anymore.

"Maybe if you explained to me what's going on?" He asked, trying not to further upset her by attempting to hold back the urge to laugh. She was so small, so he really got a kick out of an angry Sophia. It's funny really, she couldn't physically hurt him if she tried, but emotionally... that was a different story. And that thought wiped the smile from his face immediately.

"Don't play stupid. Adler told me." Sophia replied, rolling her eyes at how naïve he was acting.

"What _exactly_ did Adler tell you?" Chad asked, his blood beginning to boil. He hated this man. He knew from the first time he saw him he was bad news. And the fact that Sophia would believe anything he said made him even more angry.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Sophia scuffed, backing away from him, hands on hips. She couldn't believe that after the past they had, he had the audacity to stand before her and lie to her face. She shook her head in disappointment, turning her back to him. "You know, I was beginning to _think_ that maybe you had changed." She whispered, as she let her eyes scan the scenery that was on the other side of the window.

And suddenly it hit him. It was so obvious now. The only thing that he had said to Adler since that first night they met was how he and Sophia were no longer married. He couldn't understand how this could have been taken badly, but obviously it had managed to hurt the woman he was so madly in love with.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, beginning to walk towards her. "I didn't think you would care." He continued. He was standing inches away from her, he could smell her, he could see every crease on her porcelain skin, he could feel the warmth radiating from her body, but most of all he could sense how hurt she was.

"You didn't think I would _care_?" She replied, turning around, giving him a disgusted look. She couldn't help but feel bad for him, he looked so sad and confused. And she couldn't help but feel disgusted in herself most of all. She had so much power over him, and she took advantage of that by hurting him repeatedly. She just so badly wanted him to move on, to find someone that could love him without holding back, because she wasn't going to ever be able to offer that to him. Not anymore.

"I wasn't thinking, okay? Everyone knows we're divorced so I didn't think telling him that would be a big deal, I mean, okay maybe 'ex wife' wasn't the best set of words, but you gotta understand I don't like the guy much." Chad finished, not being able to help the confused look that Sophia was sporting. She went to say something, the stopped, then did a similar gesture, before pointing her index finger at him, while giving him another confused look.

"You mean, you told him we were separated?" Sophia cautiously asked. She was watching him intently for any sign that he could possibly be lying, but when she saw him nod his head confused, she suddenly felt like the stupidest woman on the planet.

"What did he tell you, Sophia?" Chad asked, his earlier anger suddenly returning. "Tell me." He growled, as he watched Sophia sit down on his bed, her thumb and index finger pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation with herself.

"I can't believe I believed him." She sighed into her hands. She was surprised with herself. She had let someone fool her better judgment. She knew that Chad would never say something like that, but the fact that she would make herself belief something, just so it could justify her feelings was beyond her.

"You either tell me what he said, or I find him and make him tell me." Chad warned one last time. Sophia couldn't help but shiver due to the menace in his voice, so she signaled for him to sit next to her.

"He told me you told him that we were married."

"And you believed him?"

"Yes."

Sophia, too consumed in trying to find the words to express to him how genuinely sorry she was didn't realize what he was doing until his lips made contact with hers. Her conscious was telling her to stop, and she really wanted to, but every time his tongue made contact with his, she just couldn't find the will power to pull away. He pulled away from her mouth, and she can't help the goose bumps that arise from her skin as his hot breath leaves tender kisses along her neck and jaw line.

"I love you _so_ much it hurts." He whispers into her ear before gently sucking the in the crook of her neck that he knows will always make her moan out his name. The lust had taken over her, and she pressed herself against him, trying to somehow alleviate the pain he was feeling.

"Don't speak." She whispers into his chest, beginning to slide her hands down his torso. He wants to stop her, but when he stopped her last night, it didn't seem to get them anywhere. He wanted her to see how badly he needed her, he needs to show her how much he loves her. And if she won't let him tell her, then he'll show her.

He uses the thought to fuel him on, and he finds himself placing one hand on the back of her head, pushing her closer to him, wanting to taste every last bit of her, as the other hand cups her ass, slightly lifting her closer to him. She feels so fucking good against him, and he can feel the heat radiating from her, and this time he's not going to leave her empty.

She begins to fumble with his belt buckle, and he's not sure if she's teasing him or not, but the feeling is causing him to see stars, and when she finally releases him from his jeans and boxers, he finds himself throwing her beneath him onto the bed. His hands find their way up her shirt, and he takes a few seconds to admire her perfectly toned stomach, but when he hears her moaning out his name, begging him to go up farther, he doesn't oblige.

"Chad," she moans, as he rolls her nipple between his fingers. Admiring how perfect she fucking is. She's a fucking goddess. He's sure of it. He has never met anyone so fucking sexy in his life, and just thinking about what they'll be doing in a few minutes is almost enough to make him come right there, but he doesn't. He wants her to be shaking beneath him, to be begging him to go faster. He wants her to be chanting out his name.

He slides his hand into the PJ shorts she's wearing and what he finds has the power to make him involuntarily moan. He can definitely feel how wet she is, and it only makes him harder. His index finger finds her bud, and her reaction is almost instant.

"Chad, I-" She moans, but she is cut off by a popping noise which comes from Chad's laptop, which was followed by giggling that she knew all too well.

"Sorry about that, the call took longer than I though." Kenzie's voice which was coming from a skype window evaporated the room.

_I know where you hide_  
_ Alone in your car_  
_ Know all of the things that make you who you are_  
_ I know that goodbye means nothing at all_  
_ Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls_


	15. When We Say

**Hey all. I've had the worst week of my life, relationship wise, so my mind was unable to concentrate on anything else, but I think it probably made this chapter a lot better (trying to find a plus side in the situation). I know I promised I would update soon, so I'm really sorry it took about three weeks. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let's see if we can get it to 200 reviews. And thank-you, BrucasNaleyJeyton24, if it wasn't for your email this update wouldn't have been started for a long, long time. I am so sorry that it's a short update, but I literally started writing it at 7:30 today, and it is now 9:16. I wanted to get it up because I'm going to be getting my mind off of things with my friends this weekend, and next week will be a really busy one. Sorry it's not the greatest, but it's better than nothing. Thank you to all my reviewers.  
**

**Xx Nathalie**

--X--

**_"If there ever comes a time where we can't be together, _**

**_keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."_**

_Somethin bout the way_  
_ Somethin bout the way you look_  
_ In my eyes_  
_ You make everything so damn easy_  
_ So easy that I don't got to worry bout a thing_

Sophia's heart was undoubtedly breaking. The suffocating feeling, the tears engulfing her porcelain skin, the sobs that were protruding. She wanted it to all be a nightmare. She wanted to believe that it hadn't happened. That she hadn't allowed herself to be place back on the checker board, to become_ Chad's_ most prized piece.

She had vowed herself years ago that she would never let her heart suffer like she did those countless times. She had told her mother how she had moved on, hell, she had told herself that for years. So why was it that when Chad came back into her life, she opened herself up to him like a love sick novel?

He gave up on her once she made it obvious that she would never take him back. And she really didn't expect him to _not _give up on her, because, after all, it wasn't fair that he spent his life waiting for something he would never get back. So, when he was with Kenzie, she cried, but she let it be, because he had undoubtedly moved on, and he was once again happy. But then, him and Kenzie breakup, and the sad boy comes back to her, comes back as if she is_ the one_ to mend his broken heart.

Sophia let the cold, maroon comforter engulf what was left of her. The only audible sounds in the room were the soft, raspy sobs, and the tick tock of the clock that was hanging over her. Time ticking away. Slipping from her fingertips, just like all aspects of her life.

And Sophia couldn't help the overwhelming loneliness and despair that began to creep it's way into her. She was gorgeous, smart, talented, so why was it that she was almost twenty eight, and still alone? Why was it that she somehow fucked up every meaningful relationship. Always let something or someone come in the way of her happiness. With Chad it was Kenzie. With Jon it was Austin. With Austin it was James. With James it was Austin. With Austin it was Chad.

Why did she so easily let people slip away from her grasp? Was it because she had yet to truly be in love? Or was it because she _has_ been in love this whole time, and letting people go was the only way to subconsciously come one step closer to the person she had vowed herself to?

And if she was to be completely honest with herself, she wanted to be with Chad. There wasn't an ounce of doubt in her. And as she laid there crying, she kept repeating to herself how there wasn't anything in this world that she wouldn't do to be with him. And the thing that spurred the tears on, was that she couldn't understand _how_ she could still love him. How can you love someone that has hurt you so much?

She was once told that true love is tough. That if you really love someone, no matter what they do, you will love them for an eternity. But that thought scared her, because how can someone that loves you so much, cheat on _you_? And then she realized, that sometimes you love someone so much that not even the truth can change your mind.

_And baby when we touch_  
_ All I can see is the image of us_  
_ Sitting by the ocean_  
_ Just before the dusk_  
_ Sippin on a juice box and_  
_ Sand between our toes_

--X--

**[FOUR HOURS EARLIER]**

_Chad opened his laptop, lazily scrolling his fingertips over the pad, waiting for the "welcome" screen to appear. He couldn't get Sophia, and the previous night, out of his mind. It was almost as if every second of what they shared had been sketched into his mind. He could smell the strawberries and vanilla shampoo she used, and could see her chest rising and falling, as she laid next to him, peacefully asleep._

_Seeing her so close, yet so far away, was almost too much for him. And there came a few instances where he tried to turn the other away, and even tried to leave her bed, but he couldn't. He loved her so much, and he could only __imagine__ the pain that he was causing her, and his heart began to feel a familiar sting, because he was the one to blame._

_He had been alone so many nights, just thinking of her, picturing how she would look next to him, how breathtakingly flawless she would look in the moon light, and now he had it. He was living it. But this wasn't the same as his dreams. This wasn't a dream. How could it be? She wasn't emotionally with him._

_So when Chad heard the familiar noise of an IM box, he couldn't help but let out a frustrated groan. He really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. But he opened it, irregardless. _

"_Hey!!!!" He read, quickly glancing at the name "Kenzie Dalton", that was next to the message._

_He hesitated for a second, but he was so goddamn lonely. He needed to get his mind off of Sophia, or he would be facing a long, long night. "Hey." He replied back, cracking his knuckles, before pulling the laptop to his lap._

"_How's Germany?" Kenzie replied with, instantaneously._

"_It's good..... cold." Chad typed._

"_I miss yoooou.." Kenzie typed, the words not having any effect on Chad, if anything, making him miss Sophia even more._

"_Kenz, rite now isn't the best time." He hesitantly replied._

"_Oh... can we mic??? you can tell me what's wrong.. im a good listener." He read, and something inside of him was telling him to just tell her no. But like previously stated, he was so goddamn lonely. He just needed someone to talk to, someone he knew would take his side, even if his side was the wrong side. He just needed someone to comfort him, to tell him everything would be okay. So, with that, Chad sent her a request to voice chat._

_And he found himself spilling all of what happened to Kenzie. He told her all his fears. All his insecurities. And she listened, because she loved him, and she may not be the best person, but when you love someone, and they don't love you back, you let them go._

_After a few hours of Chad telling her everything that had happened in the short time that he had been away, Kenzie announced that she would "brb", and then he found himself face to face with the brunette that had caused him all the brooding. And even sooner than that, he found his lips making contact with hers. And not too long after, Kenzie returned, and the time was gone. Because that's what always happened with them. Time would catch up, and the past would come fourth._

_This is the part when we say were in love_  
_ And the part where we have our first kiss_  
_ But this ain't a movie_  
_ I know you can't come with me_  
_ You got your life_  
_ He better be treatin you right_

--X--

Sophia sat in front of the marble counter top that stood before the mirror, in the hotel bathroom. It was four in the morning, and she had finally ran out of tears. She couldn't look away from her reflection. Her eyes were swollen, small bags forming beneath the hazel. Red veins clearly visible, like rivers running along a deserted land. And suddenly, the person looking back at her was the naïve girl that she hadn't seen since the day she said "_I do_."

Sophia quickly blinked the image away, rubbing both her eyes with the palms of her hands. She took a deep breath, looking down at the red light that was blinking from her cellphone, signaling that she had missed calls, and unread text messages.

She hesitantly picked up the small device, subconsciously weighing it back and fourths in her small hands. She wanted to just ignore it all. To leave the world in which the person she loved was never going to be a possibility, the world in which she had so many eyes watching her every move, _judging _her. But she couldn't, because this was the life she chose. And the life that she once loved.

Part of her was almost disgusted in Chad. How easily he believed all the lies she told him, because part of her wanted him to realize how much he really meant to her. But _sometimes_, it's better to live a lie, than expose your true feelings. Then, you can't possibly feel anymore pain than the one you have been feeling, and will endure. She had tried to be friends with him, but that somehow never worked for them. And why? Is it because being able to be friends with a past lover means that you either never loved him, or you_ still_ do. And that thought began to put even more insecurities in her head, so before she had the chance to further torture herself, she tapped her phone, a window of text messages greeting her.

She skimmed through most, and when she didn't see any from Chad, she settled for the next best person, Jana.

She couldn't help as she read what Jana had to say, it wasn't anything big, or even important, but just knowing that someone cared comforted her.

She pressed a few keys, and soon she could hear the distant voice of Jana greeting her with a chirpy "Hey!"

"Hey." Sophia laughed back, the hours of crying making her voice sound off.

"Is everything okay?" Sophia could sense the mood shift in Jana's tone, and she felt guilty, because it was obvious that her friend had been enjoying herself up until that moment.

"I kissed Chad."

"Again!?" Jana gasped, her reaction making Sophia faintly smile.

"Jana, I don't know what I'm going to do." Sophia rasped, running her fingers through her short curls. "I miss him so much." She whispered.

"I know, I know. But it does get better with time. Time heals _all_." Jana whispered, stopping, and taking a deep breath, before slowly letting it out. "I've been where you are, and you eventually move on. Sometimes you'll ask yourself how he is, what he's doing, if he's thinking about you too? And you may get sad, but that's normal. It's all part of life." She finished, not sure if anything she was saying was being taken in by her friend.

"I know."

"Well?" Jana urged, "what are you going to do, Soph?"

"I don't know." She sighed.

"I think you do. You just don't want to do it."

"Do you think him and I can be together?"

"Yeah," Jana encouraged, "but what happened to make you upset?" She questioned.

"When we kissed, Kenzie interrupted."

"Kenzie's there!?"

"No!" Sophia exclaimed, beginning to no longer find Jana's outbursts cute. "They had been talking on skype, or something," Sophia concluded, putting small details together as she looked back on it.

"Wow," Jana exhaled.

"Yeah."

"Maybe," Jana paused before continuing, "you should give up." She concluded. The more Sophia told her the harder it became to find reasons as to why her and Chad should be together. It was obvious they both loved each other, but maybe all the things going wrong was the universe's way of telling them that they weren't meant to be.

"But you just-"

"I know. I know." Jana interrupted, "but maybe I was wrong. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"Right..." Sophia whispered back, feeling her eyes beging to sting, and her throat to clench.

"I'm sorry, honey."

"Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime, babe." She whispered, before adding a small "goodbye".

"Bye," Sophia shakily whispered back.

Sophia let her hand slide down from the previous position of holding the cellphone to her ear, to instead letting it lay limply on her lap. She didn't cry. And she didn't move. She simply immersed herself in thought.

_Just tell me you don't love me_  
_ Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do_  
_ Tell me I don't make you smile_  
_ Like I do when you walk in the room_  
_ You're so hard to let go_

--X--

Chad was in the next room over, yet he couldn't possibly feel farther apart from her. He knew her, and he knew that if she tried to talk to her, she'd get scared and run away, like she always seems to do. So, he gave her the space she needed, even though he wanted to be holding her and explaining what had happened.

He turned his attention to his blackberry. Scrolling the small ball mindlessly, his mind somehow bringing him to a picture they had taken while having the snow fight in Utah. That felt like years ago, like some other life. And then he found himself questioning his decision to sign onto this movie, and more importantly, the selfish decision he made that brought him back into her life.

He continued to stare at the picture, his eyes beginning to burn, and the screen of the phone beginning to blurr under his gaze.

He's been holding onto her for so long, never letting go. He couldn't let go of her, he couldn't imagine his life without her. Everything he is going through would be completely worth it, if he was to be with her again. He kept telling himself how he would give anything in the world to go back to the first day he met her.

To fix himself. To not let himself succumb to temptation. Because if he was ever given another chance, he would be _strong_. He would be_ faithful_.

_This hurts so much to know that you're_  
_ With someone else when you should be with me_  
_ It's just hard to accept that I can't be around_  
_ He better be treatin you good_  
_ I'm no einstein but I know a sign_  
_ When I see one_  
_ And I know you love me too_


	16. Crawl

_This chapter was put together extremely quickly. It's not great, but I feel comfortable enough to post it. Hope you all enjoy it. I would like to thank Madeline, __Elineuh23, Libby, brucas224, DANI OTH_, _dianehermans, Princess-Tequilla, superstargirl7, BrucasNaleyJeyton24, arubagirl0926, Princesakarlita411, and all my other reviewers. _

**Something important**_: I have three fics going on right now, and I am dropping one of them. I'm not sure which one, but there is a good chance it may be this one. I ask you to please leave a review letting me know what you think, and what your hopes for the story are. If I get enough reviews I will continue it, and if I don't I'll either drop it for now, or end it in a chapter or two. I'm just fresh out of ideas and inspiration, so if any of you have any, send me a message. I've been forcing myself to write updates, and it's starting to show. That's just not fair to you guys or the story._

_Thanks, Nathalie_

--X--

_How long will this take?  
How much can I go through?  
My heart, my soul aches  
I don't know what to do  
I bend, but don't break  
Somehow I'll get through  
Cause I have You _

"Chad?" Chad abruptly sat up in bed, not sure if the husky whisper had been a dream or a reality. His eyes were half closed, and he groggily lifted his left arm, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, before meeting the gaze of the stunning brunette before him.

"Soph," he whispered, focusing his piercing blue orbs on the dark silhouette of Sophia's petite, yet curvy body. She didn't move towards him, nor did she walk away, and for a few seconds he wasn't even sure if she was breathing. Then, he lifted his hand, once again, and motioned for her to come over.

He _hated_ her. He hated how she made him feel. How sick he felt every time he looked into her empty eyes. But he couldn't help the memories she gave him. When he thought of Sophia Bush, he didn't think of her looks, or her brilliance, but of the_ happiness_ he once felt when he was with her.

And after all he had done to her, she still somehow loved him. He knew she did, and no amount of lies or denial would convince him otherwise.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," she huskily sighed, pulling Chad out of his thoughts. He could tell that she had been crying, and he immediately wanted to hold her, but he couldn't. She was finally opening herself up to him, and he knew that trying to chip at the wall she had made to guard her heart would be a dumb move.

"It's okay," he mumbled, not being able to take his eyes away from her. The way the moonlight was streaming into the room, and cascading over her angelic face began to make his heart ache. She has this undeniable beauty, and this poise she carried herself with; he suddenly couldn't think of reasons as to _why_ he was ever unfaithful.

Then she looked away, and he remembered.

He could almost recall the overwhelming feeling that cascaded over him minutes after his proposal. He loved her. He had never been so sure of anything in his life, but the fear he felt in that moment; there were no words to describe it. Suddenly, he had lost all of his freedom. His whole world no longer revolved around himself, but around a hazel eyed woman.

"Chad?" She spoke soothingly, almost nervously. He looked back at her, only to find her with the same blank expression across her face, and if it wasn't for her red stained orbs, a stranger wouldn't have had a clue that she was currently _breaking_.

He gave a small nod, signaling to her that he was listening.

"You know that I won't ever forget what you have done to me, right?" She spoke, her voice didn't falter, but he could still sense the pain that laced each syllable.

He, once again, didn't say anything.

"You've hurt me so bad," she continued, bringing her small hands to her chest, and grasping at her faintly beating chest. "But somehow," she stopped, scanning her eyes around the room, almost as if she was trying to calculate the best way to say this. "I _still_ love you." She murmured, her words coming together, as she fought back a wave of emotions.

"I love you too." He replied, unable to hold back the nostalgic smile. "What happened with Kenzie earlier-" He began, but abruptly stopped when he saw Sophia shake her head.

"I don't want excuses, or apologies," Sophia rasped, beginning to feel as though there was no hope. As though he would never get why she was the way she was. "You shouldn't need to explain yourself, because I should be able to _trust _you," she explained, salty tears beginning to glisten down her rosy cheeks.

"I don't know how to make you trust me," he admitted, but from Sophia's expression, he knew that this wasn't news to her. "If you gave me another chance-" he began, but once again stopped when Sophia let out a raspy, humorless laugh.

"I've given you so many chances," she murmured, exasperatedly running unpolished nails through her newly golden locks.

"You have," he nodded in agreement, "but every time you give me a chance, and I somehow do something wrong, you push me away."

"Because I'm scared to death to get hurt again!" She exclaimed, this time sobs protruded between each word, and the complete and utter fear that could be seen in her eyes made him feel incapable. "I want everything with you," she sobbed, her small hands now shielding her porcelain face from his, as he sat motionlessly, unable to find the words to comfort her. "I want to be with you. I want babies. God, I want babies _so_ bad," he wasn't sure if she was talking to him, and he could no longer make up the mumbled words that she was speaking.

He didn't know what to say, but he knew that she need him, and he did all that he could think to do in that moment. He held her. Every sob that escaped her lips, every shaky breath that was brought fourth was met with his own tears, and pretty soon he couldn't distinguish his from hers.

_And if I had to crawl  
Will You crawl too  
I stumble and I fall  
Carry me through  
The wonder of it all  
Is You see me through _

"Do you remember the night I left you?" She spoke into his chest, imagining the cologne and familiar scent that would normally be greeting her. And suddenly, she cursed herself for crying, for being weak.

"Yes," he mumbled into her hair, "I remember." He closed his eyes, not being able to fight back all the memories of the night. He had so much regret for the way he had let things unfold, for not saying enough, and for not begging her to stay. But he had been so _young_, and so _scared._

"Did you want me to go?"

"No." His tone was firm, and he pulled himself out of her arms, holding her gently by the shoulders. "Don't ever think that I was happy to see you go," he whispered.

Sophia nodded, before hesitantly whispering the words that seemed to torture her every night without reprieve. "Do you think that you and I can be together?"

"Yes." He smiled, watching a small, broken smile etch its way to her maroon lips. "I won't ever give up on us," he murmured, seeing tears pool behind her lids.

"I love you." She choked out, finding instant comfort in his words, but not being able to shake the ever present doubt.

"Don't cry," he cooed, bringing a calloused finger to her cheeks, "you're too pretty to cry."

"I've missed you," she spoke matter of factly, "I know you think that I haven't, but I have." She continued, his cobalt gaze making her insides squirm, "I _still_ do."

She wanted the words to stop, she knew that if she continued, she would say things that she wasn't ready to let out. She didn't want him to know the power he held over her. She knew that this wasn't right. Infidelity disgusted her. The mere thought of it made her stomach tighten, so why was it that she was willing to forgive him? Why did she still love him?

"What do you want, Sophia?" He asked, his palms not drifting from her flawless face. He wanted to do what would make her happy, but now, now he just wasn't sure what that was.

"I want to be your everything."

--X--

It was the first day of "filming"; Chad and Sophia were to meet the rest of the cast of their movie, 'Chalet Girl'. It was cold out, and as Sophia walked out of the warmth that previously engulfed her, she couldn't help letting out a small moan of dissatisfaction.

She hadn't seen Chad in two days. Actually, that statement wasn't entirely correct. After their discussion a few nights previous, Chad had decided that it would be best if they put their "relationship" aside, so they could put everything into their movie.

Sophia shouldn't have been upset by this, but how could she work knowing that the love of her life was at least 10 feet away at all times? She didn't want to keep putting things off. They had been doing that for long enough. Sophia only wanted to come to a decision about whatever the hell they were, and be able to move on. She couldn't continue this game with Chad. She couldn't be stuck in this limbo that they had both created.

"_I want to be your everything." She firmly stated, but he could see the apprehensive look in her eyes._

"_I do too,"he murmured, taking her small hand into his, before continuing with the words "but you won't let me."_

"_What are we going to do?"_

"_We're going to make a great movie," he smiled, "and when we finish, we'll focus on," he stopped, before making a small gesture with his free hand towards each other, "us."_

"_Yeah, you're right." She sighed, hesitantly pulling her hand from his grasp._

"_I do love you."_

"_Yeah," she nodded, "I just wish you hadn't fucked up."_

"Soph?" Sophia looked up from her place on one of the benches that sat outside of the Hotel entrance, to find Chad staring at her questionably. "Are you okay?" He asked once he was a few feet away from her.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She spat coolly, turning her attention to her vibrating BlackBerry.

"I'm sorry if I've been kinda distant," he chuckled, squinting his eyes at her. She couldn't help but roll her eyes, lips pursed, as she inhaled deeply through her nostrils.

"I didn't even notice," she annoyingly laughed, the slightest hint of sarcasm lacing her voice.

"Soph, what's wrong?"

"Oh, I don't know," she laughed cynically, throwing her hands in the air. "Maybe the fact that you completely went 'missing in action' these past few days?" She asked, rhetorically, before turning back to her BlackBerry.

"I _thought_ you would want your own space," he mumbled, obviously hurt by her remark and tone.

"As usual, you were wrong," she spat, looking up upon hearing a honk, which to her pleasure was coming from Adler's car.

Sophia didn't wait for a response, she grabbed her purse, leaving Chad alone on the bench.

"Is he coming?" Adler asked, as he stared at Chad through the rear view mirror.

"Guess not," she replied, not even bothering to look outside her window. "Let's go."

_oh lord,  
where are you  
do not forget me here  
i cry in silence  
can you not see my tears  
when all have left me  
and hope has disappeared  
you find me here. _

--X--

Chad walked into the small, theater like room. Cast and crew members immediately made their way towards him, introducing themselves; names, handshakes, and hugs slurred together. He politely nodded to each body, giving them a cheesy smile, and repeating names that were forgotten on the spot. His attention was being consumed by someone else. The familiar brunette actress that was comfortably sitting on the lap of an also familiar face.

"Austin," Chad mumbled, his hands immediately forming into fists, as he watched Sophia purr something into Austin's ear.

"Excuse _me_?" Chad looked down to see a small blonde watching him curiously, obviously aware of Chad's seemingly unexplainable anger.

"Sorry," he mumbled, taking a deep breath, and giving the woman an apologetic smile.

"I'm Katie." She smiled, stretching her small, pink manicured hand to him. Chad took it, giving her a small shake, before letting go.

"I'm Chad."

"I_ know _who you are," she laughed, rolling her eyes as if Chad introducing himself was the funniest thing that she had ever witnessed. "I'm your wardrobe assistant."

"Oh," Chad nodded, not being able to help the sudden sense of discomfort that the news brought fourth.

"Don't worry though," she slowly whispered, moving her body closer to his, "I know how to work _and_ play."

"I think there's been a misunderstanding," Chad stuttered, pulling himself away from the close proximity of the seductive blonde.

"Oh?" She inquired, running her fingers through her golden locks. She could see him having an inner battle with himself, and she couldn't help but bite her lip, the glossy red color of her lip stick accenting her seductive smile.

"I'm not available."

"And when has that stopped you, Mr. Murray?" She seductively whispered, running a manicured finger down his chest, unaware of the hazel eyes that were following her every move.

_when everything i was is lost  
i have forgot but you have not  
when i am lost you have not lost me  
when everything i was is lost  
i have forgot but you have not  
when i am lost you have not lost me_


	17. What Can I Say

_Wow. You girls overwhelmed me with all the reviews. It honestly really made me want to update. And I would love to thank my amazing beta, Yana, whose name on here is "Yaba". She writes some of the best fics on here, and I am just honored to have her cleaning up and perfecting my messes. I really hope you guys enjoy this, and I'm sorry if it may seem "out of character". Thank you again for all the reviews, and please click that review button again. It's the best motivation. And I am seriously soooooooo incredibly sorry that this UD is so short.  
_

_Xx Nathalie_

-X-

_Piercing words, eyes are red  
Watched your tail lights in the rain  
Empty heart filled with regret  
I know we were both to blame _

"I don't think_ I've_ met _you_," Sophia stated, a fake smile painted on her face, as she walked up to Chad and his new blonde.

They had just finished reading the script of the movie, and Sophia couldn't help but notice the whispers that were originating from where Chad and Katie were sitting. She should have expected that once Chad saw her with Austin, he would do everything in his power to make her blood boil by flaunting some bleach blonde in her face, but somehow she thought that he had matured.

Then again, she wasn't an angel either. Inviting Austin wasn't the most brilliant move, but she just needed a friend. She kept telling herself that she wasn't using Austin to get to Chad. But if she really_ just_ need a friend, why didn't she invite Jana?

"I don't think you have," smiled Katie, pursing her lips as she did so.

"I'm Sophia," Sophia introduced, then turned her attention to Austin, pulling him closer to her as she stated, "and this is Austin."

"It's very nice to meet you both," Katie nodded, quickly glancing over Austin's body, before giving him a wink, which didn't go unnoticed by Sophia.

"So, are you guys like, something?" Sophia asked with enthusiasm that was dripping with disgust, and Chad couldn't help but laugh when she scrunched her nose and brows, a small pout lining her smile.

"No." Chad smiled, throwing her an annoyed look.

"Aw," pouted Katie, gently punching Chad on his bicep, "don't_ lie_ to her."

"Oh, so you are?" Sophia asked, kinking her perfectly plucked eyebrows as she glanced back and forth between the two blondes.

"Yep," Katie replied, a patronizing smirk evident.

"Well, I guess you two love birds wouldn't have a problem in joining us for dinner?" Sophia asked, suddenly incapable of finding anything that could be more entertaining than these two.

"We would_ love_ to," whispered Katie, draping an arm over Chad, feeling triumphant when she saw the jealousy clearly imprinted on Sophia's face.

_And I'm not sorry that it's over  
But for the way we let it end  
So I said all I had to say  
In letters that I threw away _

-X-

The foursome made their way towards the back of the dimly lit restaurant. They all ordered their drinks, and not too long after, the train wreck began.

"How long have you two been together?" Katie asked, tipping her glass of wine towards Sophia and Austin.

"We're no-" Austin began, but found himself being cut off by Sophia.

"About a year," Sophia answered, ignoring Austin's confused expression.

"How positively adorable," commented Katie, with a fake smile that matched Sophia's.

"Sophia, can we talk for a second?" Austin discretely whispered into Sophia's hair, noticing what was going on.

Sophia didn't reply, simply waved him away, her gaze not diverting from Katie's. When she had first seen her, she stereotyped her for a dumb, slutty blonde, but she had been wrong about one thing: Katie was not dumb.

"And how long have you two been together?" Sophia asked, resting her chin on her palm, as she amusingly watched the two from across the table.

"Hmmm," Katie hummed, turning her attention to Chad, as she pretended to be calculating the period of time, "I'd say a dinner and a couple of shags." She smiled, turning her gaze back to Sophia, just in time to see her jaw clench.

"Katie," Chad warned, but was silenced by Sophia, who murmured, "Let her talk."

"You seem _upset_, is something wrong?" Katie asked Sophia, suddenly attempting to be very concerned.

"Everything's is absolutely marvelous," Sophia purred, her voice coming out raspier than usual. She knew that Katie was lying. She may not have known Chad all that well anymore, but she knew that if any of this was true, he would have silenced her a long time ago.

Katie was about to reply with something witty, but the waitress interrupted her before she could even begin.

"Is everything okay?" The waitress asked, quickly glancing at each of the four sat around the table.

"Delicious," Sophia smiled, as the other three nodded in agreement.

"Great. I'll check back soon."

"So, this is kind of boring," noted Katie, drowning down the last of her wine, as she made a gesture towards Sophia and Austin.

Her comment earning a menacing scowl from Sophia.

"I could say the same," Sophia humorlessly laughed, following Katie's earlier actions and finished her wine in a large gulp.

"Let's play a game."

"What? Is this high school?" Sophia laughed, filling her glass back up, as she rolled her eyes at Katie.

"High school was a lot more interesting than _this_," Katie annoyingly retorted.

"Okay, bleachy, what do you have in mind?"

Katie pretended as though she didn't hear the insult, "We can just ask each other questions."

"Like?" Sophia asked, skeptically.

"Like this," Katie instructed, turning her attention to Chad, whom was uncomfortably sitting next to her, head in hands. "Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?"

"Uhh," Chad mumbled, fully aware of what Katie was trying to do. "I'd rather not play."

"Oh, come on Chad," Sophia persisted, also turning her gaze to him, "it'll be fun."

"It just depends, I guess."

"_On_?" Both Sophia and Katie asked at the same time.

"Guys, can we not?" Chad asked, irritated, looking over to Austin for some support.

"Yeah, uh, we should get going, Soph," Austin nodded, pretending to look at the time on his cell phone.

"Yeah, you're probably right, baby," cooed Sophia, cocking her head to Austin, and gently putting a few of his stray hairs back, her gesture causing Chad's blood to boil. "I'll go call Adler."

Austin nodded, scooting forward to give her some room to exit, and watching her walk away until she turned into a hallway and was out of sight.

"I'm going to get us a cab," Chad stated, before quickly getting up, following Sophia's path.

_And you should know, please believe me  
I've picked up the phone a thousand times  
And tried to dial your number  
But it's been so long, it's never easy  
It's like trying to spin the world the other way  
What can I say? _

"What the fuck was that all about!" Chad angrily questioned, walking up to the petite brunette just as she ended her call.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she hissed, fixing to walk away, but finding herself being pulled back. "Chad, let go of me," she calmly stated, her cold, hazel eyes not leaving his.

"No," he replied, "not until you tell me what that was all about."

"I really haven't the slightest idea as to what you are talking about," she repeated, once again, a playful smirk evident on her face.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" She asked, innocently.

"_This_."

"You're not making sense, Chad."

"Stop teasing me!" He finally exploded, his tone making Sophia slightly cringe.

"Who says I am?"

"You and Austin together? Bullshit," he murmured, letting his gaze drop from her hazel eyes, to her cherry lips. The primal side of him began to take over, and Sophia couldn't help the chills that ran down her spine when she saw the lust that had flickered in his eyes.

"You're _jealous_," she stated matter-of factly, biting down on her lip as she did so.

"Mhm," Chad nodded, pressing his body into hers.

She almost didn't have time to breathe as she watched his lips close the mere inches separating them. The kiss wasn't deep, nor was it fierce, but the simple whisper of his lips against hers sent sparks of ecstasy through her body.

And just as quickly as it happened, it ended.

Chad walked away, leaving Sophia standing in a lust filled haze, too many emotions coursing through her, failing to notice that her manipulative driver had caught a glimpse of their encounter.

_How did it come to this?  
I think about you all the time  
It's no excuse, but i wish  
That I never made you cry  
I'm not sorry that it's over  
But for the way we let it end  
I couldn't find the world to say _

-X-

"Soph, you want to tell me what that was all about?" Austin asked once they had both entered her bright, but cold hotel room.

"I really don't want to talk about it," Sophia murmured, pulling her hair into a messy bun.

"I don't care," Austin replied, his cold tone catching Sophia off guard. "I _love_ you, but I won't have you using me to make someone else jealous," he explained, his tone softening upon seeing Sophia's remorseful nod.

"I don't know what came over me, Austin."

"Why did you ask me to come?"

"Because, I need a friend," Sophia replied hoarsely, taken back by the fact that he would question her motives.

"Is that _really_ why?" He questioned, but the question went unanswered by Sophia, as her attention was quickly taken up by something else.

Her eyes were squinting at a text message that consisted of dark image of what appeared to be her and Chad, kissing, an hour previous.

_I hate to think all you had of me  
Is a memory I left you  
The space between what was meant to be  
And the mess that it turned into  
It's like trying to spin the world the other way _

_What can I say?_


	18. It's Only Our Little Secret

_Oh, good Lord! I'm so grateful for having the best readers on here! I'm so sorry that these updates are so short. I've been a little floozy with life. Oh! Since I don't have a journal, you guys get my little _rant/vent_: my relationship of a year and a half ended a few nights ago. It hurt a lot and I cried a lot, but surprisingly, alcohol and ex boy friends have made it stop temporarily hurting, and my best friend, of course. I went from feeling as if the world was about to end to not feeling anything at all. That's not normal, I don't think. Seriously, my lovelies, I tell you this, don't ever fall for sweet guys, they're the fucking worst. Had my lovely beta, Yana, read it over, but I decided to just post it without her changes. I wanted to just get it up ASAP.  
_

_P.S. I'm sorry if this fic gets a little "unrealistic", but I just want to have fun with it and I think it'll be more interesting to read. Also, about a smut scene... be patient! I can't make this story totally unrealistic! Thank-yous at the bottom! And please check out my update to my other fic "Twisted Attraction".  
_

_Xx Nathalie_

-X-

_When all is said and done  
And dead does he love you  
The way that I do  
Breathing in lightning  
Tonight's for fighting  
I feel the hurt so physical _

"Soph, what is it?" Sophia's eyes drift away from the device that has brought a whole new hell into her world. Her eyes linger on Austin's for a few seconds, before she guiltily looked away. She couldn't stand to see the concern in his eyes, and most importantly, the_ love_.

She shouldn't feel guilty, because she really hasn't done anything wrong. Her and Austin haven't been a thing for a while now, so why is it that her stomach churns every time she comes face to face with him? It's like she's fighting some sort of inner battle. Austin or Chad. Present or Past.

He repeats the question again, this time making his way towards her, in the hopes that it'll alleviate the emotional distance they've been having.

"Do you think," she begins, the slightest bit of hesitance in her words, as she calculates the best way to express her thoughts. "Do you think it's wrong to live in the past?" she finally asks, her hazel orbs watching Austin intently, void of emotion.

"What do you mean?" Austin can't help but ask. He has some sort of idea as to what she could be talking about, but now a days he doesn't really know with her.

"To wish that things were how they used to be in the past," she explains.

"I know you miss Chad, but-" Austin stops mid sentence when he hears a raspy, humorless laugh erupt from deep within Sophia.

"It's not always about_ that_, Austin," she replies, coolly, as she rolls her eyes at his confused expression. "I just miss being young, worry free, naïve," she continues, her gaze softening.

"Why can't you have that in the present?" he asks, genuinely interested. He feels as if he should know and understand what she means, but it's as if she's speaking in riddles, and he's never been too good at those.

"Would you ever go back to Claire?" she instantly regrets asking it. She can see in his eyes that the mention of his fiance of seven years brought back painful memories, but she can't help but giving him a small smile when she sees the melancholy one that appears on his beautiful face.

"No," he whispers, she can see how sure he is of his answer, and part of her envies that. If anyone asked her the same thing about Chad, she would of course say no, but her insides would be screaming "_yes_!" a thousand times over.

"You deserve better anyways," she smiles, trying to lighten the mood. She wants so badly to talk to someone that can understand how she feels, and the struggles she's facing, but she can't talk to Austin. Not when a part of her heart belongs to him.

"So do you," Austin replies. He can see her face contort with emotions that flash by too quickly to read, but she settles on a smile and nods her head.

"I'm sorry if I used you."

"It's okay," Austin snickers, as a small, husky laugh vibrates from his throat. Sophia can't help the chills that course up her spine. Months ago this laugh would leave her panting for his touch, but now, now she wasn't sure of what she felt anymore.

"No, it's not," she insists, taking a deep breath, as she shook the thoughts from her mind.

"Honestly, Soph, you know I can't stand that guy, so seeing him squirm with jealousy was _completely_ okay with me," he shrugs, not being able to laugh along with Sophia when she erupts in those famous dimpled giggles that he loves so much.

"I'm so lucky that I met you," she breathes out, her silky white palms reaching towards his shoulder, before giving him a small squeeze.

"Yeah," he whispers, pulling her into the crook of his neck. He couldn't help the nostalgic feelings that were flooding through his being. All the nights they shared, all the cuddles, he missed it all. He was temporarily brought back when he felt Sophia's lip plant a chaste kiss on his cheek, before pulling back, and looking at her newly red rimmed orbs.

"I'm sorry," she chokes out, the words lingering in the room. He wants to say something to make her feel better, he wants her to not cry, but suddenly he feels as though if he says something, he'll cry too. So, instead he nods his head, and pulls her closer, and when he feels her rosy button nose against his chin, he leans down and places a small kiss on her strawberry scented locks.

___She spreads her love  
She burns me up  
I can't let go  
I can't get out  
I've said enough  
Enough by now  
____I can't let go  
I can't get out _

-X-

It's a little over two hours before Austin leaves her hotel room. They didn't do anything, of course, but she felt a sense of serenity as the door closed after him. She was desperately trying to ignore the little voice that was trying to remind her of the world in which some stranger had proof of the intimate encounter that she had shared with her forbidden fruit. The voice eventually won, because before she knew it, she was texting a "who is this?".

She, ironically enough found it all extremely funny. Maybe she was finally losing her mind, but some part of her had stopped caring about consequences, about poise, and about making yourself into something for others to follow.

She had been this cheery, happy, out going, bubbly woman. Then it seemed as if after the Chad debacle, she just shut that part of herself away. I mean, how can you possibly smile when you've been completely humiliated not only in front of fans, but family?

She was about to pull her hair into a messy bun, and treat herself to a bath, when she heard knocks that were undoubtedly coming from her room door.

"One second," she mumbles, as she slips into something other than her dark red boy shorts. The knocking didn't subside, and if it wasn't for the fact that the door flew open, almost making impact with her face, she would have said an annoyed "_hold on_!"

It wasn't until the door clicked shut, that she looked up to see Adler standing before her. She let out a deep breath, placing her hand across her chest, before shaking her head in confusion at him.

"How did you get in?" she finally manages to ask once her heart has began beating at a regular speed.

"Master key." He smiles, stretching out his hand to pull Sophia up from the floor.

"Well, next time you could wait," she spat, as she begins to press her shirt down, "I could have been naked."

Her comment brings a devilish smile to his lips, and Sophia would have been able to see this if she hadn't been so busy trying to compose herself.

"Maybe next time I won't knock then," he teases, and by now Sophia had begun to look at him strangely, taking a few subconscious steps back.

"Ha ha," she mocks, rolling her eyes as she did so. "What's wrong that you had to see me so urgently?" she asks, concerned.

"Come on, Sophia," he laughs in his thick Russian accent, "are you not supposed to be one of the smartest actresses on this set?" he asks, mockingly.

"Adler, please, I'm tired. I don't have time for these games."

"You are not making this very _fun_," he pouts, but his smirk was still evident as he pulled out cellphone from his jean pocket.

"What's th-" Sophia begins to ask, but the words were dissolved away as she stares at the twin of the picture that she had received earlier. "Someone sent it to you too?"

"You really are not making this fun," he laughs, earning an aspirated scold from Sophia. Shaking his head, he quickly begins typing something on his cellphone.

A few seconds later, Sophia's phone vibrates. She doesn't bother to read what it says, instead she stares at the man before her, void of words.

"I swear, you Americans are so stupid."

"Adler, what the hell!"

"That's the reaction I was hoping to get," he smiles.

"Adler, why are you doing this?"

"Don't you see? You need to move on, Sophia. You need to be with someone else," he explains, his eyes depicting concern, but she could see through his facade.

"Stop with the BS."

"Okay, Okay," he laughs, putting his hands up in surrender. "You really want to know why?"

"Mhm," she murmurs, suddenly feeling like a cornered child, because of the way he's staring at her.

"I really want to 'fuck' you, as you Americans say it," he growls, taking a few steps towards the speechless woman before him.

___Think twice before you touch my girl  
Come around I'll let you feel the burn  
Think twice before you touch my girl  
Come around come around no more _

_-X-_

_"__Two boys and a girl!" Sophia squealed excitedly, as she skipped across the living room, landing next to Chad on the couch._

_"__Whatever you want, baby girl," Chad cooed, taking her small chin into his hands, bringing her lips to him._

_"__Mhhh... you taste like Doritos," Sophia giggled against his lips, and he opened his eyes to find her looking up at his, as her nose scrunched up in fake disgust._

_"__And you taste like coke," he noted once she pulled away from hips lips to rest her forehead into the crook of his neck._

_"__I love this," Sophia sighed, as her eyes took in every inch of her, correction, their new home. They had only gotten married two weeks ago, and the house was already fully furnished and decorated. And she made it a point to secretly thank Martha Stewart._

_"__Me too," he murmured, not being able to temporarily lose himself in the intoxicating fragrance that seemed to define one of his favorite things about this woman. Seriously, he may curse himself later for sounding so corny and childish, but she was the best smelling girl that he had ever met. She tasted good enough to fucking eat, and sometimes, that's exactly what he did._

_"__What are you thinking?" she asked, her hazel eyes still taking in the sight of their new home._

_"__Just that I'm the luckiest guy in the world."_

_"__Stop it," she huskily giggled, smacking him on his perfectly toned abs as she did so._

_"__Hey!" he joked, pulling her body as close to him as possible._

_"__Promise me something?" she asked, and he couldn't help but note the seriousness that now seemed to lace her words._

_"__Anything," he found himself replying._

_"__If anything ever happens, we won't ever lose each other," she stated, and for a second he could see the lightest hint of insecurity behind her squinted hazel eyes._

_"__What makes you say that?"_

_"__Nothing, I mean, I just see how things have turned out for Jaime after her divorce, and she just had her baby, and Eric wants nothing to do with them," she finds herself rambling, but ever since her best friend told her that she was getting a divorce, she couldn't help but feel this small seed of insecurities begin to sprout. "They were just so in love, you know?" She finishes, and the smile that Chad is giving her makes every single one of her doubts disappear. God, she really loves him._

_"__We're not Jaime and Eric," he whispers soothingly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "not even close."_

___She spreads her love  
She burns me up  
I can't let go  
I can't get out  
I've said enough  
Enough by now  
I can't let go  
I can't get out _

Sophia is brought back from her thoughts with the sound of her alarm clock. It reads 6:30, but she's been awake for most of the night thinking back to days that feel like a different lifetime, and in a way, they are.

She mentally curses herself for not sleeping, specially on a weekend. Filming for the movie has been going great, honestly, she can't complain. It's been two weeks since the "incident" with Adler, and she has managed to keep away from Chad.

No, Adler had not slept with her, but that didn't mean that she felt any less dirty. He somehow _pitied_ her, and decided that they could compromise.

She would stop talking to Chad and Adler would keep the picture between him and her. Something told her that this compromise wouldn't last long. Once Adler became bored of watching Chad give her desperate looks every time she walked by him without so much of a second look, he would give Sophia an even tougher deal.

At first it hurt. Seeing him give her the desperate looks, the "are you okay's", but now it was almost as if she had stopped feeling anything. Almost as if her heart had put up a guard. As if she was trying to heal herself. And she should be happy, but something didn't feel right. And she wasn't sure what.

She heard a soft knock on her hotel room door, and the feeling of dejavu began to creep into her. Sophia hesitantly got up, wrapping her black cardigan around her petite frame. It was cold, and for some reason she liked it that way.

"Chad," she lets the words slip from her lips with much relieve. Quickly though, she realizes what this would mean if Adler happened to walk by, and with out thinking twice, she pulls Chad into her room.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, sitting down on a chair that stood before a desk. He couldn't help but notice how clothes littered the floor; this was _not_ Sophia. She was the only person he knew that couldn't concentrate unless everything was put away in it's assigned spot. Something was wrong.

"Yes. I mean, no. I don't know," she almost wails, plopping herself onto the messy bed. Everything had been going terribly for a while now, and she wasn't sure why she allowed things to keep going badly. It was as if she wasn't the same person anymore. She wasn't put together, polite, or organized. Sophia hadn't realized it yet, but she had lost herself.

"Wanna tell me whats up then?"

"I don't even know!" She mumbles into the comforter, annoyed.

"Was it because of the kiss?"

"No," she whispers, slowly shaking her head against the silky material.

"Is it Austin? Do you miss him?"

"No!" she chokes out, pulling herself from the tangled mess that was her bed, and looking at Chad. She was sitting on her knees, and her hair was in a messy bun that was causing her baby hairs to stick up in different directions, and he swore that he had never seen anything more beautiful than the pouting woman before him.

"Talk to me. What is it?" He found himself pleading with his blue eyes.

"I'm just so confused," she confesses, her hazel eyes locking on his, "I feel like, like everyone is moving forward, ya know?"

"I don't understand," he whispers ashamedly. He's wanted her to open up to him for so long, and nows he is, and he's desperately trying to make sense of what she's saying, but he can't.

"Life. I feel like, I've been in this same spot for years now, and I'm not moving forward," her throat has begun to tighten, and she's trying to pull herself together, to not cry, but it feels like crying is the only thing to do. "Sure, my career is going forward, but what is that compared to being unhappy?"

"I wish I had the answer," he shrugs, his brow furrowing like it always does when he's deep in thought.

"Me too," she murmurs.

"What does that have to do with me though?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been ignoring me for the past few weeks," he pointed out matter-of factly.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," he smiles despite the fact, "so, what's up with that?"

"I've just been really busy," she lies. She instantly curses herself for doing it, because the look in his eyes tells her that he isn't buying it. She hates lying to him. Even though he has hid so much from her, she just can't help but feel like the filthiest scum on the planet every time that she does. She never lied to him before, but not it's become some what of a ritual.

"I would believe that if it wasn't for the fact that you ignore me every time I say anything, or even walk by," he chuckles, as he watches her wince before giving him an apologetic smile.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"Chad, I can't."

"Does it have to do with Adler?"

"How-"

"I_ know_ you, Soph," he smiles, now getting up from the chair and making his way across the room to where she is still sitting.

"I really can't," she murmurs, choosing to not look him in the eyes.

"If you don't tell me, I'll find the sonofabitch and make him tell me," Chad growls, his understanding and kind smile no longer evident.

"He saw us."

"What do you mean?" Chad pushes, suddenly feeling his frustration begin to get the best of him. "Sophia, what do you mean?" He urged, cupping her face in his palms and tilting her face so that she would once again look at him.

"When we kissed," she whispers, her voice coming out small and hoarse.

"And..." he urges, his jaw clenching.

"Blackmail."

___What is it you really want  
I'm tired of asking  
You're gone I'm wasted  
When I showed up and he was there  
I tried my best to grin and bear  
And took the stairs but didn't stop at the street  
And as we speak I'm going down _

"Chad, stop!" Sophia screams, her small hands grasping at his gray shirt. This was exactly why she knew she couldn't tell Chad. He would get all macho on her and find the need to prove that he was a man, or that he loved her, or whatever bullshit he felt the need to prove now.

"You honestly want me to fucking stop!" He stopped just short of the door, turning around, glaring down at the helpless woman he's so madly in love with.

"If you say something, he's going to post this all over!"

"I don't give a shit! We'll say it's old!" Chad angrily replies, not believing that she would want to let this bastard get away with it.

"My hair is fucking blonde, Chad," she retorts calmly, taking a few steps back and shaking her head.

"He's not getting away with this."

"Chad, baby, please just do this for me?" she begs, and once he looks at her, he notices for the first time the dark circles that are apparent under her eyes.

"He's not getting away with this," he repeats one last time, before turning around and walking out of the door, leaving a lonely Sophia on a throne of tears.

___Cause she spread her love  
____And burnt me up  
I can't let go  
I can't get out  
I've said enough  
Enough by now  
I can't let go  
I can't get out _

Eileen - Sorry that you didn't understand that. Sophia knows that this Katie chick is lying, so that's why Chad doesn't bother to explain himself. Sophia knows that they haven't done anything, but she's still jealous and hurt that Chad would ever talk to her. Hope you enjoyed this update! Thanks!

Serah - Haha. Loved all the K/A hate. CS will be together soon enough! Thanks for the review!

Mya - Thanks! The smut shall come soon!

Molly - Thank you!

Alexis - Hope this was soon enough! Haha.

'TexaSunniest' - Definitely plan on it with the way you guys all love it! Thanks for reading!

Leah - Thank you, hun!

sb1218 - Thank you! I'm trying to work the story up to one. I want it to try to be as realistic and make everyone happy.

Elineuh23 - Sorry! Haha. Hope you enjoyed this one!

tanya2byour21 - Thank you, Tanya! That was really sweet of you, and I'm glad you find this to be original.

Elise - Wow. That was one of my favorite reviews yet! I feel extremely humbled. I really like your suggestion of having a squeal for this story, and depending on you guys, I may do one once I'm done with this one! Thank you again. Enjoy!

Mary Garland - Thanks for reviewing! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

ladyjane - Yay! It makes me happy to hear that you're hooked... muahaha. But yes, it must have been so heartbreaking to have to continuously film with each other. Also, how you said you can feel the emotion, that makes me so happy. It feels amazing when someone can feel the hurt and happiness as they read your work. Thank you!

Caitlyn - Haha. Yeah, Katie was the first name that came to mind. Now that I think about it, it probably has to do with the freak chick on OTH. Love hearing from you, as always.

OTH23MOLLS - Hope all your questions were answered with this chapter! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Anna - Hope the wait wasn't too bad! Thank you for your review!

Lauren - Haha. Good things come to those who wait ;) Thanks for reviewing!

HaileyBOTH - Thank you! Hope you liked this chapter!

gabriella - Thanks for reviewing again! Yeah, it was ooc, but I've figured that I'm going to have to make Sophia go through some inner changes if I want her to ever be able to take Chad back. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

DANI OTH - LOVE all the Katie hate! Your reviews always make me smile! Hope you liked this chapter and thanks for reviewing, as always!

Alex (arubagirl0926) - Thank you! And I love your icon!

superstargirl - Thank you. And yeah, Sophia used him out of spite of Chad, but hopefully this chapter made it a little better. I think you'll enjoy what's ahead!

Princesakarlila411 - Good "wow"? Thanks for reviewing!

OTH-Brucas-Love - I always love your reviews! Yeah, Sophia using Austin in spite of Chad was a little cruel, but she didn't realize it until it was done. Jealousy makes you do stupid shit. Love love love your review. Thanks!


	19. Hush

_It's been like a month since my last update. I've been so busy with life, and sadly I think this might be the last update for another month? Depending on how many reviews I get and if I get any inspiration, I may update again before the 14th. This is a shorter one, but I guess it's better than nothing. Didn't have my beta read over it, so it may be pure shit. Hope everyone has a great 4th of July and summer._

_Xx Nathalie_

-X-

_This is as quiet as it gets  
We were once perfect  
We'll never leave this room_

"Adler, where are you?" Sophia whispers into the phone receiver, surprised that she's able to get the words out without her voice faltering.

He lets out a deep chuckle, which in turn causes the peachy hairs on her neck to stand. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and she literally lets out a silent breath when he whispers "a couple hours away, had to drive some of your fellow cast to an airport."

"O-okay," she murmurs, closing her eyes and thanking God in her head. She's never really been the religious type, but she figures she might as well give it a try.

"Why?" he asks, his tone seemingly interested.

"I just needed a ride somewhere," she lies. It really does disgust her how easily lies seem to be coming to her.

"I'll take you tomorrow."

"Okay," she nods, pulling the phone from her ear and pressing the end button.

She stays sitting in bed. Too consumed in her thoughts to really care about anything. Thankfully Adler is away for the night, so she has a few hours until everything will blow up in her face.

Part of her feels happiness and security in the thought that Chad still feels a sense of protection over her and that maybe, just maybe, his feelings for her really are still there. The love he felt for her and the love he still felt for her all the years that she pushed him away.

But that thought also brings upon and immense amount of sadness, because if he did love her and still did, then his "slip ups" AKA his cheating, could have been fixed with some couples therapy, and some unconditional love from her. She wouldn't have had to divorced him, and further hurt his broken heart.

She keeps telling herself that she shouldn't feel guilty, and that she did what any other couple would have done. But her and Chad weren't like any other couple. She knows that the love and hurt she feels for him and from him isn't normal.

She loves him so much that it literally hurts to not be with him. Seeing him sad brings this tightening in her chest, and it's as if every heart beat comes with an excruciating pain.

But what just won't leave her alone is that if he loves her and missed her as much as he wants her to believe that he did, then why did he never try to get in contact with her?

She believes him when he says that he missed her, but she just doesn't feel missed. Never really did, and that's what hurts more than anything.

-X-

_You color my eyes red  
Your loves not live its dead  
Hush this is where it ends _

"Hello?" Sophia can't help but smile when she hears the groggy voice.

Jaime.

Her rock. Her savior. Her best friend.

"J, were you sleeping?" she asks apologetically, but she knows it's unneeded. Jaime would be there for her always, just like she would always be there for her.

"Yeah," she laughs, speaking with a smile on her face. "What's up, Soph?"

"Nothing. Just needed to hear a familiar voice," she replies, a smile tugging at lips. Her face suddenly turns serious though, her perfectly plucked brows creasing as she says the next few words, "have I changed, Jaime?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, not completely understanding what her friend is asking. The two of them are close, but lately they haven't been speaking as much. It's not that they've stopped being friends, or that they've drifted, they just haven't found the need to seek each other's comfort. To an outsider it may seem wrong, but that's just how their friendship works. Always has.

"Like," she begins, but stops, looking around the room for some sort of inspiration as to how to put her thoughts into words. "Not looks wise, but personality?" she tries, not all too happy with the way it's coming out. She knows what she wants to say, she just doesn't know how to say it.

"Of course," Jaime encourages. "You're definitely more mature!"

"That's not what I mean," Sophia replies, her voice coming out extremely whiny.

"Then what do you mean?"

"I don't even know."

She already regrets this phone call. She should know by now that no one understands what she feels. But for some reason she always thinks that maybe this time they will. They never do, though.

"Is everything okay?" Jaime asks, her equally raspy voice sounding concerned.

"Yeah," she lies. She doesn't regret it this time, though. Sometimes it's better to just leave some things unsaid. She remembers how her friend felt about the whole Chad mess, and nothing has probably changed since then, so there's really no use to it.

"Are you sure?" she presses, "you seem sad."

"I'm seriously fine, James," she teases, smiling when she hears the laugh that an old nick name brings out of Jaime. It really does feel like another lifetime where they were both in college, having fun, getting drunk, not knowing that she would ever be famous.

"I hope everything is okay with you and Austin," she states, her voice coming out questioning, but with a hint of seriousness none the less.

"We're fine."

"Good," she replies, not fully believing it, but not feeling like she wants to start a fight at this hour.

"I'll talk to ya later."

"Night," Jaime replies, and then the line goes dead.

_This letter's written itself inside out again  
I wont make a sound so you don't wake _

She's too consumed by her thoughts to notice that the door is slowly opening, and it's not until she hears the click of it closing, that her heads snaps up, staring at the man before her.

Chad.

"I thought you were sleeping," he explains. He looks embarrassed, and he's nervously fidgeting with with the ends of his button up shirt.

He looks so damn sexy, and she just needs him so much that it literally hurts. His words can't comfort her, but his touch sure as hell can. Even if it's just for a few moments, when he touches her, and loves her, she feels so safe.

"What do you want?" she counters, pushing the thoughts out of her head.

He sighs, shaking his head. "Do you miss me?"

Biting her lip, she quickly replies. The answer is a "no" and it would probably be a lot easier for both of them if that was true, but he knows she's lying and she knows it too.

"I miss you so much, baby."

"Chad, stop," she warns. Tears are beginning to threaten the facade she's putting up, and she won't have that. Every breath she takes brings upon a new wave of saltiness across her hazel orbs, and she just wants it to stop.

"No," he states firmly. "I'll keep saying it until you believe it."

She can't keep holding the tears back with the way his eyes are looking at her. She can see the truth in what he says, and that scares her more than anything. She can't love him. She can't be with him, but how can she turn him away when he looks at her with those baby blues that she loves?

"Chad, you can't say things like that," she chokes out. Her raspy voice cracking in awkward places, but he doesn't notice. All he can think about is those tears, and how he wants them to stop. How he wants to stop her hurt.

"How can I not say things like 'that' when you're my entire life?" he asks soothingly, taking a few weary steps towards her.

She doesn't stop him when he pulls her into a warm embrace. The tears are coming harder than they ever have, and he just wants her chin to stop trembling. She hasn't allowed any sobs to protrude from her lips, and his heart breaks for her. It really does. She is so strong, yet so weak when it comes to him.

He whispers that he loves her, and the words cause her throat to tighten and the tears to pour our without reprieve. She wants to allow herself to love him too, she just wishes it wasn't so fucking painful.

_You color my eyes red  
When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends  
Hush this is where it ends _

It takes a few hours for her to stop crying, and his grip on her hasn't faltered at all. Her eyes are red and tired, and she is still letting out small hiccuping tremors. She feels like an immense weight has been lifted from her and suddenly it's as if the tears have made it all too clear.

"I want to be with you," she shakily states, but with a great amount of determination in her voice. She's locked her gaze with his, and when he smiles, she can't help the rush that courses through her body.

She's home.

"We'll make this work, I promise," he murmurs to her. He could literally cry right now from the amount of happiness he's feeling. He's dreamed of this moment for years, but he never thought it would actually happen.

"I know we will," she nods, bringing her hand to his scruffy face. She can tell that he hasn't shaved in a few days and she just wants to kiss him, because she doesn't know how else she can show him how much he's been missed.

She looks so frail and he feels this need to hold her and protect her from the big bad world, because he's hurt her once and he won't let that happen ever again. So he leans in and presses his lips to hers. The kiss starts off gentle, and he lets his hands roam her curvy body. His hands snake up her shirt, and when his calloused thumb grazes over her hardening nipple, she lets out a gasp.

He stops, because he doesn't want to push her into something that she's not emotionally ready for. He just stares at her, her heart shaped lips slightly parted, and he swears that he's never seen something as beautiful.

"I love you."

He closes his eyes, relishing in the sound of those three words coming from her mouth. "Say it again," he pleads. His hand is still absentmindedly massaging her left breast, and every time she whispers an "I love you," his pants feel three sizes too small.

She can tell that he doesn't want to rush her into anything, but with so many years or aching for his touch, she needs it to happen. She feels like she can't breathe if he's not inside of her.

So she pulls a leg over his waist, and she's now straddling him. She still can't seem to get close enough to him, and frantically begins to tug at his shirt.

"I need you so badly," she moans, and he can feel his rock hard member throb against the warmth that is radiating through her shorts from her center.

He pushes her off of him, but only long enough to pull the shorts and thong down her long legs. He stands over her half naked body and through her lust filled eyes he can see the slightest hint of pain, and he wants it gone.

So he slides his hand back up her shirt, and leaves butterfly kisses down her jaw line until he can no longer stand the need to be inside of her.

To cure her.

She begins to work at his belt, and he can't help but mumble obscenities into her ear as she does so. He hungrily nips at her ear lobe which in turn causes her to whimper, before finally freeing him of his jeans and boxers.

She needs him so badly that she shoves her tongue into his welcoming mouth, and the sweetness that greets him brings him the memories of years ago when this sweetness was a drug that his life depended on. Still does.

He wants to take his time with her, he wants to please her, but it's almost as if she reads his mind, because she grasps his face between her palms and forcefully whispers that she needs him now. That she can't take it anymore. No foreplay.

She's the queen of his world, and he does what she says. In a matter of seconds he's thrusting inside of her, and it doesn't even matter that they still have their shirts on, because he's giving her what she wants and needs.

He wants to tell her that he loves her, but his body is already doing all the talking. Her chest heaves and he can see the slightest bit of precipitation stick stray hairs to her forehead and he can't help but think that the sight is absolutely breathtaking.

All he can feel, see, breathe, touch, think is Sophia. She's clouded his sight and his senses and he's sure of one thing, that he wants to feel this every day of his life.

Their sweat lined bodies mold them into one, and each thrust threatens to be his last, but he won't allow himself to come until she's had the release that she so badly needs.

His primal side takes over. He grabs her thigh, draping her leg further up, so he can reach deeper parts of her that he hasn't had the pleasure to feel in years.

She begins to moan louder, and starts to push herself onto him with more force, because before he knows it she's biting down on his shoulder, and he lets himself empty into her wave of pleasure.

-X-

_Hush this is where it ends  
This is where it ends _

The sound of his buzzing cellphone wakes him up, and he reaches for it on the floor before it has a chance to wake Sophia.

The clock on it says it's 8:45, and he lets out a content sigh when he sees her sleeping form curled into him. She looks so peaceful and he can't fight back the urge to kiss her wonderfully silky hair. And why? Because he can. Because she finally let him in.

"Good morning," she mumbles tiredly. She hasn't opened her hazel eyes yet, and he takes the opportunity to plant a surprise kiss on her beautifully upturned lips.

She smiles against them, and his heart swells. She's smiling. She's happy. She may not be fully healed, and he's not either, but together they'll work through all of their problems.

"We're crazy," she laughs, scrunching her nose against his. She hasn't felt such a sense of calm and bliss in so long, but she can't shake the nagging thought that things can't and won't be this easy.

She knows she wants to be with him, but a part of her is so deathly afraid of what her family, friends, and fan base will think of this.

But she loves him too much to care what gossip websites and magazines will say about this, right?

"We have to film in a couple hours," he murmurs against her temple, breaking her from her thoughts, and she's thankful of it. She just wants to be happy for now, and put off the worry for as long as she can.

"Boo," she pouts. "I need to shower," she huskily continues. Her eyebrows kink and her hazel eyes turn a dark shade of green. "Be there in ten," she seriously instructs through a smile, while getting out of bed completely naked and walking into the bathroom.

He laughs because he can already feel little Chad waking up for another round, but he decides to check his phone. He skims through a few uninteresting texts, but stops at the one he received at 8:45.

"_In Germany. I can't wait to see you... surprise! xoxo Kenz_"

Fuck.


	20. You Picked Me

_I love each and every one of you. I'm sick with a really bad cold, and tomorrow I leave for the town where my lover resides, week after that I fly into Georgia for a few days, then North Carolina, then I go to Nashville, and lastly come back to Florida and go to Orlando. So, as you can see this is basically the only free day I have to update, and since you all once again humbled me with reviews, I decided to update before my travels. I'm really happy that you all liked the way they got back together, and from the reviews none of you thought it was too soon? Anyways, please review this chapter so when I get back home I have something to look forward to! Hope everyone has a splendid day, week, month! Oh, and **happy early birthday to Sophia B**.!_

_Xx Nathalie_

-X-

_One, two, three  
Counting out the signs we see  
The tall buildings  
Fading in the distance  
Only dots on a map_

The steam begins to fog her mind, because soon enough she's in her own dream land. It really did all feel like a dream. One second she's alone and crying, the next she wakes up curled into her other half.

She's completely and utterly happy. A state of pure bliss that she hasn't experienced since, well, her wedding night.

And looking back on that night, she's probably happier now. Because young Sophia had never experienced the pain of having your heart broken, and the delight in finding your way back to that person.

But was this all too good to be true?

Every loving thought she had about Chad came with a little reminder of how much he had hurt her, and the thought of how she's going to be ripped apart by the tabloids scares her even more.

She's built up this mature, articulate, and poise image for so long. If she came out with this now, she'd be the biggest joke and hypocrite in all of Hollywood.

But the thing behind her preachings is happiness. She preached for everyone to do what would make them happy, ect. So technically she's doing exactly what she spoke to others about. Only thing is the happiness she has now is the cankerous sore she spoke about getting rid of.

Then she's left questioning how much she really loves him. If you love someone this much, you shouldn't even be worrying about what anyone else says, right?

But worrying is completely normal, right? She's a worry-er after all.

She just wishes that she could go to her mom about this, or maybe even Jaime. But she knows she can't. She knows what they would say and she doesn't want to hear it. She knows she loves him with all her heart, she just isn't sure if being with him is what's meant to happen.

_Four, five, six  
The two of us a perfect fit  
You're all mine, all mine _

"Baby?" She jumps at his voice, finding balance once she grasps one of the metal nobs on the shower, and tiredly looks up at him. She tries to smile because she doesn't want him to ask what's wrong, but she just can't force it out anymore. Not to him, at least.

"Just thinking," she mumbles under the hot water. She's using the running water as an excuse to keep her eyes closed, because let's face it, she can't look at him without feeling guilty about her thoughts.

"About?" he asks, no longer standing at the entrance of the shower. She can feel his warm skin surrounding her, and she just wants to melt into his touch, but something's holding her back. Something's always holding her back.

"Just us," she replies, her hazel eyes opening, while her lashes try to blink away left over drops of water. Water trickles down her neck, getting lost somewhere between the valley of her perfectly sized breasts, and he has to look away because if he stares any longer he won't be able to keep little Chad down.

Not that he doesn't want to fuck her senseless against the shower wall, he just doesn't want Sophia to think that all he wants is sex. Because that statement is far from the truth. He wants everything with her. He wants her. Mind, body, and soul.

"Good or bad thoughts?" he presses. Normally he wouldn't. He knows it's not a very affective approach with her, but just once he wants to know what's going on in that head or hers that he loves so much.

"Is this twenty questions or something?" she tries joking with him, because she just doesn't want to answer the question. Even though she's going to have to talk to him about it eventually, she really doesn't want to spoil the short amount of time they have together before having to go back to the real world.

He doesn't reply right away, simply closes the mere inches between them with a soft kiss, her tongue slides against his and he begins to wonder why he isn't making love to her right now.

"I love you," he mumbles against her lips, which are still connected to his. He can feel her lips form that pout like smile of hers, as she further relaxes into his body.

"I've missed hearing you say that," she confesses, but her smile doesn't falter. She did miss it, she missed it more than she ever thought possible, but she can't help but smile when she's this close to him.

His touch is mesmerizing and she can't think of anyone she would rather be with in this moment. It's abnormal how much she's missed him, and how much she loves him. She keeps telling herself that, but it's no use. The more she tells it to herself the more she realizes how in love and how consumed by him she is.

He tangles his hands through her drenched hair, running his thumb over the birthmark that she has on the back of her neck. He smiles, snuggling his head into the moist crook of her neck, relishing the moment that he wishes would never end.

Slowly, he begins to place kisses down her jaw and collarbone, until he's a kiss away from her right nipple, which he can see is as hard as a pebble.

He looks up, watching the way she licks her parted lips, urging him on through hooded lashes and he can't fight back the need for her any longer.

Looking back down, he hungrily brings her erect nipple to his lips. Placing a chaste kiss on it, before knowingly biting down on it in a way that he knows will drive her crazy.

"Fuck," she gasps, running her freshly painted nails up his back. Leaving red marks as she does so. The action causes Chad to suck on her with more vigor, while snaking a free hand down her perfectly toned body.

He stops his journey once his thumb is resting just above her folds, and it's probably just his imagination, but he swears that he can feel the heat radiating off of that place that he desperately wants to be in.

"Tell me that you love me," he commands, rubbing his thumb over her slit. He's teasing her, but he needs to heart her beg. Needs to hear her need him.

"I love you," is the last thing he hears before plunging his fingers into her. Before pressing her against the wall. Before her chest starts to heave. Before the moans that follow each thrust. Before she collapses on to him once they've finished.

_And all I can say  
Is you blow me away _

-X-

He watches her get dresses a few feet away from him, but all he can now think about is the text message he earlier received.

He didn't want to say anything to her while they were in the shower, but he knows that he can't keep this from her. Specially now that she has finally let him in. He needs to show her that she can trust him, and maybe this is the perfect way to prove that.

But he also can't help but worry about the insecurities that are sure to get the best of Sophia. She's the most beautiful woman in the world, and he's sure that anyone would agree with him, he just wishes that she would see it too.

"There's something you should know," the nervousness in his voice causes her to stop momentarily dressing. She doesn't want to know, because she doesn't want this moment to be ruined, but curiosity has always gotten the best of her, so she nods for him to continue.

"This morning I got a text from Kenzie."

"And?" she shrugs, not understanding why this is as serious as he's making it out to be.

"She's in Germany," he continues, watching every sign of happiness escape the dimpled woman before him.

"But, you guys are over, right?" Sophia hates to ask because in a way it makes it possible to assume that she still doesn't trust him, but she can't help it. Him lying to her is a fear she'll always have.

He hates himself in that moment, because the fear that washes over those hazel eyes he loves so much is almost crippling.

"Yes, we've been over," he manages to mumble through the guilt he's feeling.

"Then it's okay," Sophia breathes out, and continues the task of dressing herself. She turns her back on him though, because it hurts to see him like this, but there's nothing she can say to him.

"You're not angry?" he asks, his voice coming out small and confused. He's not sure why he's so shocked, because he honestly didn't know how Sophia would react to the news, but she seems to not be showing any emotion and that scares him.

"No," she replies in a monotone voice. Since he can't see her face, he tries to read her body language, but that's damn near impossible after so many years away from her.

"Soph, there's nothing you need to worry about, I promise."

"Don't promise me anything, Chad," she replies, coolly. He promises? His promises don't mean anything to her anymore. She may love him with all her being, but she doesn't fucking trust him. How can she? All those times she swore that he was telling the truth, he was actually lying.

_Like an apple on a tree  
Hiding out behind the leaves  
I was difficult to reach  
But you picked me _

-X-

It's been three hours since his confession about Kenzie, and finally Sophia is starting to act more like she was before she received the news.

After three long hours of coaxing, begging, and kisses.

No one on set seems to be paying much attention to the way they're now acting with each other. Mostly because none of them have any clue that they were once married. And he's thankful for that.

"Are you going to see her once she gets here?" she asks silently, and sucks in a deep breath, as she waits for his response.

"I think I should."

"Oh," she nods, finding disappointment in his response, but she knows it's something that he needs to do.

"But I want you to come with," he continues, taking a hold of her hand and individually kissing each of her soft knuckles.

He can already see a sense of calmness wash over her, but he needs her to know that things will be different this time.

"I need you to know that things will be different," he whispers against her knuckles, bringing his blue eyes to her hazel ones. "I won't let anything or anyone come between us. I won't hurt you again," he whispers, and he can feel her small hand begin to tremble in his.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she whispers, through a blur of tears.

"Don't cry, baby," he coos, bringing the pads of his thumbs to her cheeks, wiping away her salty tears. She looks so small and vulnerable, and his heart swells, because no matter how broken she is, he always seems to love her.

"These are tears of happiness," she manages to laugh through a sob, because she really is happy. She's happy that she's with him, she just wishes that she could trust him. She wants to fully give her heart to him, but she's too damn scared to.

"I don't care," he smiles at her. "I hate seeing you cry."

"Then stop being such a cheese ball," she jokes, now being the one to wipe a few stray tears away.

"How am I being cheesy!" he asks in mock hurt. Not being able to hold back the need to run his fingers through her silky hair.

She smiles and lets herself be consumed by his touch, because she's missed it so damn much. "I didn't say it was a bad thing," she mumbles, resting her body against his chest. His scent is somewhat different than the one she remembers, but it doesn't take long to realize that he's using a different cologne. It shouldn't make her heart ache, but it does. It makes her miss the old days.

"You smell different," he states matter-of-factly, and it makes her smile against his neck because it still amazes her that they're so perfect for each other. So alike, yet so different.

"I love you," she whispers, turning her head so she's facing him. They stare at each other for a few seconds, trying to read what the other is thinking.

"I love you too," he finally replies to her before catching her lips with his. Her taste is so intoxicating. He's kissed her so many times, but he never seems to grow bored of it. Every time they kiss it's as if it's the first time. It's new, refreshing, invigorating, perfect.

He just hopes that when the world finds out about them, she remembers her love for him. Because if she ever leaves him again, he doesn't think he'll be able to survive it.

_Like a shell upon a beach  
Just another pretty piece  
I was difficult to see  
But you picked me _

-X-

Saying that the cast and crew were blind to the past that the two lovers shared isn't completely true. Two blondes seem to fit the exception.

Adler and Katie.

Maybe if Chad and Sophia hadn't been so infatuated by the others presence they would have been able to see the pair of eyes that were following their every move, kiss, touch. But they didn't. They were completely blind to the outside world.

Now Chad was filming a scene with one of her costars, and Sophia found herself alone in her trailer, reading through unimportant emails.

It wasn't until Adler walked into her trailer, that she remembered that the man even existed. And suddenly she realized that her earlier PDA may not have gone unnoticed by all.

"Hey," she smiles innocently, putting her phone aside. She tries to tell herself that she worries too much, and that Adler probably didn't see anything, but his crooked smile tells her otherwise.

"You broke our deal," she hears him state in his thick accent.

"You can leak the picture," she hisses. Suddenly she doesn't care who knows about them together. She won't let herself be black mailed. She won't let this fucker get the best of her.

"Oh?"

"Adler, I don't care," she laughs cynically. She's done listening to people and letting them influence her actions. She's been doing it for years and she's sick of it. After all, look at where it's gotten her.

"You don't care about what everyone will think?" he asks with a vindictive smile. It should scare her because it seems like this is exactly what he wants her to say, but she's too far gone in rage.

"Fuck what everyone will think!" she shrieks, throwing her hands in the air. It feels so fucking good to scream, to just let it out. She's been holding it in too fucking long and maybe that's why she's so fucked up now.

"Everyone? Your family? Fans?" he presses. Relishing in her anger.

"Yes! I am so sick of everyone fucking telling me what's right and what's wrong." She mumbles the last few words because she knows she can't blame it on them. It's not their fault, it's hers. She listened to them, she should have been able to be strong enough and listen to her heart. Instead she listened to people that don't understand her love for Chad. "Fuck everyone," she mumbles tiredly.

Adler doesn't say anything. And that's what finally brings her back down to earth. The fear that comes with the silence that seems to engulf her.

And as he walks out of the trailer she still can't say anything, because she's still shocked by the way she acted. She knows that she didn't mean what she said, but once you say something, it's hard to take it back. That she's learned.

So she sits back down on the couch, and allows herself to miss Chad. She's only been away from him from an hour, and she already misses him like it's been years.

She just wishes that he would have been there with her. But he wasn't, and she should be used to not having him there when she needs him the most, but she's not.

And if she would have watched Adler walk out of the trailer, instead of allowing her weaknesses to take over her, she would have seen him take a tape recorder out of his coat pocket.

_I was difficult to see  
But you picked me _

-X-

_**Thank you's:**_

_Hannah_: so, today is a 1000000 times better? Thank you, hun!

_Superstargirl7: _Haha. After this update you are probably going to think I'm Satan. Kenzie is a whore, but everyone loves drama! Thank you for the awesome review!

_Tanya2byour21: _Tanya, LOL. Some of you guys seriously have so much hate inside of you. But who knows about a baby... ;) Thanks!

_DKnAK: _An LPer likes my story! Woah. Definitely got me wanting to update again. I hope this chapter made you happy. I definitely let your review influence this one. Thanks for the sweet words!

_Tess mtiv: _I'm so sorry! Haha. I probably killed you and dragged you through the dirt with this update then. Just promise you won't hate me. Thanks for the review! P.S. Yay for finishing school! Enjoying your freedom?

_Gabriella_: Your update made me feel so guilty. I definitely want to start updating sooner, because a month in between chapters is like, way too much. Lol. Thank you for the awesome review!

_Elineuh23_: I completely agree with you. The smile she had when she was with him is gone, and it's so sad. Whoever can sit there and say that they weren't in love is seriously ill. Feel free to kill Kenzie for us! Haha. Thanks for reviewing.

_Katie_: All your questions will be answered in the next few updates! I definitely want to have this story carry out so we can see a wedding and kids, but I don't want to promise anything. Thanks for the lovely review!

_OTH-Brucas-love_: I made you tear up? Ahhhh. That's like the ultimate goal behind each chapter! You just made my heart do flips! Love love loved your review, and I hope you enjoyed this one! Thank you for being a faithful reader, and for putting so much into your reviews!

_DANI OTH_: Haha! I'm sorry that the ending got you all rallied up! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter though, and I hope you enjoy this one too. Thank you!

I could kiss you guys, literally! LOL. Thank you, _Anna, Caroline, Mary Garland, Jennifer, LeeSee-C, Jennie, Maddie, Anna, Satcher, Lauren, Hailey, sb1218, brucasforever08, bdavisrulz, Love me some Julian, Princesakarlita411, liverpoolss._

Sorry if I forgot anyone, you are all loved!


	21. End

**_Hey, all. I've decided that I'm ending this story. I love you all dearly and I feel terrible for ending it like this, but I've just lost the motivation to update. I guess there's a little bit of good news. Depending on how many of you want a "closure chapter" I'll update one last time. If not a lot of you want one, then the ending can be left to your imagination. Thank you for sticking with me for so long. _**

**L/N**


	22. I'm Not That Strong

_**Hey all. So, I've given this story a lot of thought and this is what I've come up with. I am so thankful to have you guys as readers and your reviews really make my day a lot brighter. Because of this, I don't think it's right to just end the story with a crammed together last chapter. So, what I'm going to do is end it in the goal of three chapters. I don't want to rush anything or try to cram tons of stuff into one. You guys deserve better than that. I'm going to try to finish this story within the next two weeks, but something tells me it'll take longer. Anyways, here's the first third of the last chapter.**_

_**P.S. I am so sorry that it's crappy. My mind is currently occupied by other things.**_

_**Love, N.**_

-X-

_The moments pass me by like in slow motion_

_Want to tell myself where things went wrong_

_Maybe it was me just being selfish_

_Or maybe you were holding too much hope_

Sophia traced the gate number on her ticket. Her eyes focused on the tall, glass wall before her. The image in sigh was that of large blue, red and gray planes taking flight to far away places. And others bringing families back to their homes. All with a destination at hand.

Then she slowly turned her gaze to the passengers filing past her. Hazel eyes wide, as though she was trying to take in all that was going on around her. The few families that sat in seats opposite and parallel to her seemed to be lost in their own worlds. Filled with their own fears and worries. But somehow maintained with the company of each other.

There was something different about them, she noted. She just didn't know what.

A disarray of lights and words, and pretty soon the screen above her gate was signaling that she could now board the so called "salvation" that would soon bring her to her home.

Grabbing her purse, she stood up. Pushing her dirty blonde curls back, her eyes void of emotion, which seemed to mirror her detached and comatose like behavior.

Waiting in line irritated her. It was ironic, really. Waiting was all she ever did. All she ever really knew. And in this fast paced world, waiting can almost be a blessing. Because moving too quickly can keep you distracted of those moments that seem too pass by in a blink.

She was tired of waiting tho. Because every time it finally became her turn to pick the opportunity was already gone. The happiness gone along with it.

Sophia was brought back from her thoughts with the obnoxious vibrating of her blackberry. She anxiously reached in to her purse, making a mental note that she needed to clean it out soon.

Looking at the caller ID, she let her lungs and hope deflate. "Hello?" she rasped, hoisting her purse back onto her shoulder.

"Are you still at the airport?" It was the groggy voice of the best friend she always seemed to have.

"I'm about to board the plane," Sophia answered. She was truly thankful to have Jaime in her life and she wasn't sure that the brunet realized that. She didn't like to ask for help. Never really had. But with Jaime it was different.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do, Soph?" Sophia could sense the hesitation and she didn't blame Jaime. Lately things had been like cautiously wondering through a mine field. The easiest thing would set her off, and Jaime knew all too well that questioning the dimpled woman was a war she was too tired to fight.

"Jaime, _please_," Sophia sighed, handing the security guard her ticket, not even bothering to fake him a "thank you" smile.

"Whatever you say. I'll wait for you at your baggage claim." And with that the line went dead. Sophia pocketed the small device deep into her purse, and began the steep walk down the cold corridor.

-X-

_You knew coming in that I was broken_

_Told you we were destined for a fall_

_Don't know where you thought this thing was going_

_You believed that we could have it all_

Pushing her aviators further up the bridge of her nose, she made her way towards the baggage claim. She really was excited to see Jaime and the rest of the gang, but the circumstances were keeping her from relishing in the excitement.

She had two days to complete her mission and she intended to do it. She wasn't a quiter and she sure as hell wasn't going to back down.

"Sophia!" She could already feel her lips turning into a smile at the sound of that voice, and once she saw the beaming face of her friend, she broke out in a raspy laugh that she hadn't heard herself emit in days.

"Jaime," she murmured, while being engulfed in a tight embrace. She could sense that Jaime was worried for her and that was almost enough to break down the walls she had built to hide her emotions._ Almost_.

Breaking away, she grabbed her friend's shoulders as she did so. Stepping back, she gave Jaime the look over. "Tsk, tsk. You look like hell J. F." Sophia joked, disapprovingly pursing her lips and shaking her head.

"Okay, little miss dark-bags-under-my-eyes-are-the-latest-thing-in-fashion, you have _no_ room to talk!" she joked back, putting emphasis on the word "no".

"You bitch!" Sophia laughed, smacking her friend on the shoulder. They both began to make their way towards the parking lot, but not before Sophia discreetly took her glasses off. She wasn't wearing them to be able to walk around incognito, she was wearing them in the hopes that they would hide the state she was in.

Once Sophia's suitcase was placed in the trunk, and both friends had safely made it out of the parking lot, the game was on.

Sophia knew that Jaime would want to know the reasons for what she was about to do. Sophia knew that Jaime would want to throw her two cents in. Sophia knew that Jaime had every right to worry and every right to know.

"Almost like clock work," she whispered to herself when Jaime cleared her throat. This was Jaime's subconscious way of telling Sophia that a long rant was about to begin.

"What was that?" Jaime asked, glancing at Sophia curiously from the corner of her eyes.

"Nothing," Sophia lied, faking a smile at her friend. "Were you going to say something?" she asked innocently, lips formed into a tight smile.

"Uh, how did you-" Jaime asked wearily, this time cocking her head to Sophia, eyes squinting. Sophia simply shrugged, the action causing Jaime to roll her eyes back onto the road. "Whatever," she mumbled. Taking in a deep breath, she began. "Normally I wouldn't question the reason behind your actions, but this one time, I think I _need_ to."

"What do you want to know, Jaime?" Sophia asked tirelessly. That's the one downfall to having friends that care, she noted. They always want to know.

"I want to know why you're moving this so quickly," Jaime shrieked as if the mere thought of Sophia not knowing was ridiculous. "I understand if you want to get back with the guy, wait, actually I don't, but whatever. Not the point." Jaime rambled, avidly throwing her hands in the air even though they were in five o'clock traffic. "What I'm trying to say is, sure, get back with him, whatever makes you happy, but why do you have to release it to the press, like, now!" She finished, taking a deep breath.

"It's a long story, you wouldn't understand," Sophia sighed, shaking her head. It really wasn't. It was actually quite simple, she just knew that this wasn't the best way to go about it. But she just wanted it to end. She wanted it to be done and out. Let everything else be in the past, so she could finally begin to work on a future.

"Well, help me understand," Jaime pleaded, begged.

"I'm being black mailed."

"By who?"

"This guy."

"What's he holding against you?"

"He says he has a recording."

"Of what? A video? Audio?"

"I'm not sure. Probably me and Chad in bed. This guy has had full access to my room. If I just come out and say that me and Chad are together, then the video won't seem like that big of a deal."

"What the fuck? A _sex tape_ won't be that big of a deal?" Jaime snorted, disgusted by the emotionless friend sitting next to her.

"A sex tape sure beats "they've been fucking even though they're not together", Jaime." Hearing herself talk about it made it feel so real. It made her realize how dumb it all sounded. She knew it wasn't the best thing to do, but she wanted it to just be over with.

What Sophia didn't know was that he didn't have a sex tape. Not even close.

-X-

_I remember days when I was happy_

_All the proof in taking on the world_

_Somewhere along the way I think I lost me_

_Too bad you never got to meet that girl_

It's been exactly twenty four hours since Sophia left to the states. Exactly a day since the last time Chad saw her and he already misses her. He knows why she went, but something tells him that there has been a miss communication.

Ever since Sophia told him what Adler was holding against them, he knew that something just wasn't right. And the more pressing question, why should he even believe that Adler has something so powerful that would drive her to such expenses.

Truth is, he doesn't believe it. And he intends on proving that before Sophia exposes that they want to give this another try, because as much as he loves her, he knows that this isn't the best way to come out, nor the best time.

With this new found fuel and the primal side in him wanting to protect his girl, he pulled himself up from the bed. Destination? Adler's jaw.

Thousands of miles away, Sophia was touching up her immaculately done makeup. She looked completely flawless in a strapless, black BCBG. Her high heels were invisible under the material, making her look as though she was floating on air.

Her smokey eye shadow accented her hazel eyes beautifully, and the slightest bit of mascara accented her already long lashes marvelously.

Skimming through her lip stick choices, she settled on a deep maroon. Making her heart shaped lips come alive with the color.

She didn't need an outsiders opinion on how she looked; she knew she looked perfect. She wasn't being egotistical, just honest. Modesty was one of the qualities she was most loved for.

Sitting back down on Jaime's vanity set, she allowed herself to have a few moments of peace. Everything in the last few days had passed by in a blur, and as the adrenaline escaped her, the fear crept in.

She had gone through every possible outcome. Every rumor. Every insult. Every joke. She knew that her name would be tainted for a while and that Hollywood would love to trash talk her in the hopes of a good story. She knew that she would lose so many fans, so was going through with this really _worth_ it?

This scenario wasn't much better than the one of a sex tape getting out on it's own. Jaime was right about that, but somewhere along the last few days her motive had changed.

She knew this was her one chance to finally make a move towards being with Chad again. It was just ripping off a bandage. If she just did it now, it would be done and in the past. If she didn't do it now, she would have to work her way up to getting the courage. And frankly, she didn't think she was strong enough to not back down if she worked her way up to it.

Glancing at the watch that Jaime had in a jewelry box, she began to stand up. The car that was supposed to take her to the press event would be here any second.

It didn't take long for Chad to find Adler. Making his way through the few couples that littered the dance floor of a nearby club, Chad sat down next to him at the bar.

It took everything he had to not break his face into the marble counter right then and there, but he knew he couldn't. At least, not know. He had to get all the information he needed first. So with that, he cleared his throat and waved for the bartender.

After ordering his drink, he allowed himself to look at Adler. He could see the smile that was tugging at his lips, and that sight made Chad's blood begin to boil.

"Sophia told me," he finally spoke, gulping down one of the three shots of vodka he'd ordered. The warm liquid burned all the way down, but he immediately felt himself begin to relax. Which is exactly what needed to happen if he wanted to last more than two minutes without having to punch the guy.

"I figured. Just like a typical whiny girl," Adler answered, clearly testing just how far he could go before Chad would finally crack.

Clenching his fists, he took another shot, letting the warmth dissolve as he calculated the best approach. "We'll pay you," he mumbled, taking the third shot as he did so.

"I don't want your money."

Finally snapping, Chad grabbed the collar of Adler's shirt, pinning his back against the counter. "I know you don't have a fucking sex tape," he growled, tightening his grip on the cotton material.

"I never said I did," Adler replied, trying to maintain his smile even though it was clear to both of them that he was scared. Chad was a few inches taller than him, not to mention a lot more muscular.

"What do you mean?" Chad pushed, pressing him harder against the cold granite. His baby blue eyes now clouded over with disgust.

"I never told her that I had a sex tape," Adler spat, trying to push Chad away from him, but his attempt was useless.

"Then why-"

"I don't know! I never said anything about a sex tape, so get the fuck off of me!" Adler pushed him away one last time, but it was unneeded, since Chad had let go of his shirt before he was even done speaking.

Sophia had fallen for one of Adler's fucked up tricks, and as surprised as he was about it, he knew that he had to get to his hotel room and call her before she made a huge mistake.

Leaving a twenty on the counter, he rushed out to the cold city. Bumping into people as he made his way into the hotel, cursing at himself for even drinking at all.

The elevator ride seemed to take hours that he didn't have, but finally making back to his room, he found his cellphone.

Flipping it open he saw that he had one new text message. Glancing at the time, he knew that Sophia was at the press event. He nervously clicked "open" and instantly his heart dropped.

"_I told the press we're together. It should be out within the next few hours. -Soph_"

-X-

_Don't make me shut the door on you again_

_Cause if I can't help myself, then no one can_

_You can't save me_

_I'm too far gone_


	23. IDFK

_Breathe. New update is coming._


	24. My Wish

_WOW. This has been a hell of a road. First thing I gotta say is – I love you beautiful people! You have all been the best readers I could have ever wished for. You all took this story in so well, and I'm just shocked by the out pour of support. I am so, so sorry that some chapters weren't as well written as I would have liked them to be and that I made you wait long months between some updates. I hope that I do it justice with the ending. I really do, because I love this story dearly.  
_

_Last thing of my little rant... when you review, **let me know if you would like me to make a sequel to this story, whether you enjoyed the last chapter, and just how you feel about the story and CS in general. **_

_Thank you all soooo much, and this is just bye for a little bit ;)_

_Oh, and please check out the story that me and the lovely LeeSee-C have written. Link is on my profile. (Story will be up tomorrow.)  
_

_Xx N._

-X-

_I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you want to go _

"_I told the press we're together. It should be out within the next few hours. -Soph_" He continues to blankly stare at his cell phone.

His heart was soaring for the brunette's decision, but something in his mind told him that this wasn't supposed to be how things unveiled.

But then again, he figures, there really isn't a better way _or_ time to tell the world.

And then something inside felt weird. Not in a negative way, but it was like a new little part of him had come alive. Like, something had just been born and was expanding inside of him.

Maybe it's that same thing that keeps love growing as women welcome more children to their families. Because suddenly an immense new amount of love and respect and adoration began to grow for Sophia.

And maybe, he thought, he should have had that amount of love to begin with, because now he really needs her. Really _only_ wants her.

"Chad," his name lingers through the line, and he lets it echo through the room for a few seconds before answering to her.

"Sophia."

"What are you thinking about," she asks meekly and it's not really a question because she already knows.

Her husky voice reminds him of a small child, and he wants to hug her in that moment more than anything.

He aches inside to hold her. Just hold her.

"You," he smiles.

And it was almost as if she could see the the smile that fell on his lips, because she allows herself to sigh, and smile back.

She's been terrified of what she has done, not because she doesn't want to or is ashamed, but because she has this large amount of fear that when the deed was done, he would change his mind.

Sure, it was one thing to say that he wants to be with her – it's another completely different thing to actually stand by what he says.

And let's face it, as much as she loves him, she's afraid of him too.

She tells herself that she trusts him, but how can you fully trust someone that has broken your heart into a million pieces before?

-X-

_And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you. _

He's back in the states now, and he swears that he's never been more happy to be in the home of the cheeseburger.

But then again, it doesn't really matter to him that other people speak English, all that really matters is that she lives here too.

It has been eight days since she'd come out to the public.

One week _plus_ a day.

One long week since the last time he's seen her.

One excruciatingly long week.

She's promised him that this alone time isn't going to change how she feels about him or the future she wants to have with him.

He tells himself that he believes that, but how can you fully believe something like that when she has left you before?

There's a soft knock on the glass screen door that leads to the outside pool, and by the time he gets downstairs, she's already sliding it closed behind her.

"Your doorbell's broken," she tells him, and all he can do in response is nod his head slowly.

To say that he's become accustomed to her looks would be a lie, because as she stands in front of him in a simple green tee shirt and mid-thigh length shorts, he wonders how anyone could be so perfect.

"Listen, I'm sorry for the seven days of absence," she explains, as a lonely finger glides over his marble counter. _Eight days, _he mentally corrects her, and it's almost as if she can read his mind, because she nods knowingly, and mumbles "eight".

"It's okay," he assures, finding himself nodding like an idiot again.

But what else can he do? No words can begin to describe how happy he is that she's not running away from him.

That she actually wants him.

_I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  
And, you find God's grace, in every mistake _

And suddenly he understands how the Prodigal Son must have felt when his father welcomed him back home.

Because nothing can ever feel as good this.

"I hope you understand?" she asks, and she hopes he does because he needs to.

"I do," he nods, watching those beautiful dimples express exactly how she feels.

Lately he hasn't been able to read her or know what exactly goes on in that beautiful head of hers, but today, now, he does.

And it almost feels like old times.

_Almost_.

Because they've grown and changed too much, and it would be ignorant of both of them to believe that everything was like before.

But oh, was it sweet to see her smile.

"My mom's happy for us," she says through a furrowed brow, looking down at the patterns in the marble.

"Your mom's a smart woman."

She nods, bringing her eyes back to his and he watches her face ease into another glorious smile. "I just don't understand why she never showed the support before."

He shrugs, walking past her towards the fridge, and he has to fight back the almost aching urge to hold her. "Maybe because she just needed to know that it was what would make you happy."

"It does," she almost wails cynically. Because she's tired of having to prove it to others. "I just wish people would have believed me sooner," she whispers, intrigued by his smile.

"Did you believe it?" he asks, and she wants to slap him in the face for belittling her feelings, but she knows he's right.

It's always been true, but even she had shut her eyes to the truth for a long time

And then it's almost as if words are a waste of time, because before he's even aware of what is happening, she's inches away from him.

They spend a few minutes just looking at each other. And when even that begins to feel like a waste of time, he dips his head down and kisses her.

The kiss is simple, one they've shared a million times before, yet they're both caught so off guard by the feeling that's traveling from tingly lips to welcoming bodies.

She smiles at him one more time before their mouths reunite yet again, this time meshing together as an exchange of nameless feelings pass between the two. Her tongue continuously dances with his, and his masculine scent and touch tease her to the point where she swears she'll split down the middle.

But he knows that pretty soon he won't be able to stop for anything. So before it's too late, his hands move away from her sides, and thoroughly grasp her cheeks as he pulls her back so that she can see the sincerity in his eyes when he whispers, "I love you".

-X-

_But more than anything, more than anything,  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to_

Most of the gossip columns have moved on from the 'Chophia Scandal', but every single word that they printed still haunts her.

She knows that none of them understand how she feels, and that she knew this would happen, but none of that could have prepared her for the pain of every wicked word that was said about her.

And even more, every wicked word that was said about him.

She keeps telling herself that she needs to forget what was said and move forward. After all, she has her friends and family behind her every step of the way. But what security does that thought bring when she feels like the whole world is against her – is against_ them_?

She knows it shouldn't matter what anyone says or thinks, but it does, because she loves her fans dearly, and it hurts more than anything that they don't see how much she loves him.

"What's wrong?" Sophia abandons her thoughts and looks up at her doe-eyed friend, Jaime.

_Her Jaime_.

"Just thinking," she shrugs, going back to the task of searching for a suitable crib for her best friend's newest expected arrival.

"Well, stop thinking," Jaime orders. "Stop torturing yourself," she almost begs, her bottom lip jutting out.

"Jaime," Sophia laughs, shaking her head as she does so.

"No, don't 'Jaime' me," her friend scolds. "Soph, it's been a month since you guys came out, you just gotta try to get over it."

Sophia can't help but scoff at her friend's advice. She knows Jaime is just trying to help, but does she not realize how hard she's trying to 'get over it'?

"And what exactly do you think I'm doing now?"

"Sulking," Jaime replies, as if the answer to the question is plain as day. "Sophie, I just want you to be happy," Jaime sighs. "I just want you to get everything you want out of life, but being upset over something you can't control isn't going to get you that."

"I know but-"

"No 'buts'," Jaime interrupts. "Just think of all the other fans that are overjoyed that you two are back together."

"Oh, Jaime," Sophia sighs, shaking her head as she does so. "They only are happy 'cause they think it'll bring Brucas back together."

Jaime laughs, because her friend's way of thinking is so juvenile and pitiful, but mostly because she knows that eventually the brunette will be at peace with the way things have turned out.

"Don't laugh at me, you bitch!" Sophia hisses, but can't hold back the smile as the pillow she just threw makes contact with her best friend's face.

-X-

_And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,_  
_ I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too_

Another month has passed by, and things have become tolerable. People have become more forgiving. And life with Chad has never been better.

One Tree Hill won't begin filming for another week, and the couple has decided to go on a vacation before work begins.

And work is no longer only applied to her, because Chad is now back to his old rhythm.

He's been cast for the lead role of a movie that is sure to be a hit.

Life is really looking up for the two of them – it's almost as if God or whatever Divine Providence exists is somehow making all the shit they inured worth it.

And that's exactly why he has a small, black, velvet covered box inside of his pant's pocket, because he wants to make it all worth it, and because he needs her to see how much she is loved.

"I'm so excited," she giggles into his ear, as they wait in line to go through security.

"Me too," he whispers into her hair, becoming lost in the familiar fragrance of vanilla and honey.

"This is our first vacation in, like, years," she continues, not even listening to anything he says and he loves it.

It reminds him of the younger version of his girlfriend – hopefully fiance – and it really feels like the careless, loving Sophia is finally coming back.

"I know," he laughs before stopping her unsaid words with a kiss. She didn't return it right away, because she's still not fully comfortable with the whole PDA, but she's getting there. Slowly. But she's getting there.

His lips feel so familiar, yet every kiss feels so new. She can feel that electricity begin to form in the pit of her stomach, and as he pulls her body closer to his, she wonders how she survived all those years with out him.

He seems to think the same, because almost instantly after the thought, his kiss becomes something more, as if he's trying to replicate the feeling. And as her knees begin to get weak, she makes a mental note that he's done a perfect job.

"Excuse me," a deep voice interrupts, and they snap out of their trance almost instantly because they suddenly remember where they are. "Could you please put all your belongings in a tray and step through the metal detectors?"

They quickly strip of their shoes, and toss the other belongings into the plastic trays. Sophia steps through first, because Chad insists on being a gentlemen no matter what the deed and it's not until he's stepped through and the metal detectors go off, that he remembers he has a very special object in his pocket.

"Sir," one of the officers call out, nodding for him to come over. "Step over here, we'll need to search you."

Chad does as he's told because he's seen enough movies to know not to bother explaining what he has in his pocket, and mentally curses Sophia when she walks over to watch her boyfriend get searched by security.

"Am I allowed to document this?" she asks the older officer, and even if she wasn't he nods anyways, because those dimples are just too hard to resist.

Clapping her hands excitedly, she pulls her blackberry out, clicking 'record' as she instructs the officer to search her "boyfriend thoroughly".

"Soph," Chad moans in discomfort, but since she's completely unaware of his plans, she finds it absolutely hilarious.

The metal detector is placed a few inches away from his chest, and as it begins it's journey down south, his heart beats in fear and anticipation. And he's thankful that he doesn't have HCM like his old character, because he probably would have had a heart attack by now.

The high pitch squealing of the contraction pulls him from his thoughts, and before he has a chance to think of what he's going to say, the small box is pulled out of his pocket, and Sophia is no longer laughing.

He can't even look at the officer as he hesitantly hands the box back to Chad and steps aside, and it's not like it would have mattered, because Chad's eyes are on Sophia's only.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this," he sighs, smiling at the angel that is fighting back tears in front of him. "But, Sophia Anna Bush, will you marry me?" he asks, and as his knee makes contact with the floor, every tear that she's trying to hold back escapes her.

She tries to say yes, but her voice is failing her, so all she can do is nod her head ferociously as sob after sob continue to impair her.

"Good," he smiles, sliding the jewel over her delicate finger. And it doesn't even matter that they're in the busiest airport in the world instead of Italy, because he's here with her.

And as his lips make contact with her salty ones, he can't tell if his own tears are mixed in there too.

-X-

_**A follow up story?**_


	25. Thank You' And Sequel

_WOW. Thank you all for the out pour of reviews. God, I love you girls sooooo much. I am going to officially close this story by clicking 'completed' and just wanted you all to know that I appreciate everything you've said to encourage my writing. _**I WILL be making a squeal!** _So, be on the look out for it. If it's not up this weekend, it will be up next. I hope you all continue to read it and stay faithful like you have with this story. In the mean time, check out my profile and read over some of my other fics. I love them just as much as I do this one, and would love to have you guys readin' them too :)_

_God, thank you again, so, so much. You have all seriously pushed me to continue writing and to continue to improve upon it. I'm young, and I'm sure that's put some people off, but it excites me that you guys enjoy my work so much... all the credit for me cramming myself with English classes (which I'm so thankful I'm taking) while all my friends take fun classes definitely goes to you all! I think my English teacher would be proud... LAWL... if only she knew._

_So long story short, I love you all SO much and I will making a sequel. xxxxxxxxxx Nath  
_


	26. I Run To You

_Hey beautiful people! Kay, so I'm planning the 'sequel' to this story, and it doesn't really feel like a sequel. IDK why. I just feel like it's the same story as A&W. Sooooooo, because of this, I'm just going to keep the story going here. For those of you that read the story 'I'll be there', I'm going to take it down. The rest of the chapters are just going to be added here. I'm thinking this is going to be a 30 or 35 chapter. Depending on which storyline I decide to do. Right now I'm down to two different ones. Enjoy! And if you reviewed on the other story, please still review this chapter here... or don't! ;)_

_If you have twitter, follow me and I'll follow you! www . twitter . com / nathalieeeex3 (Take out the spaces!)  
_

_Xx N._

-X-

_I run my life or is it running me, run from my past  
I run too fast or too slow it seems_

The brisk winter air tugs at the lose curls that fall from the brunettes pony tail, but she ignores it as she walks down the busy New York streets.

It's only eight in the morning, yet her body has been awake for the last few hours.

She thought that maybe going out for a walk would do her some good, but it really hasn't. All that this little endeavor has multiplied is the amount of shoes and clothing she owns.

Spotting the small bistro that has been her destination for the last half hour, she slows her walking. Before she's even crossed the street, she can already see the company she'll be sharing the next hour with.

Walking inside, the blonde must have spotted her too, because she's waving over towards the empty seat.

"Sorry it took me so long to find this place," Sophia says slowly, unsure of what the outcome of this situation is going to be.

"It's fine," Kenzie smiles, trying to wave away the tension in the air.

Sophia doesn't reply, just stares at Kenzie squarely in the eyes. Sophia has been putting this talk off for almost a year, but now she just wants to eliminate the secrets, or demons that may come out in the future, and going straight to her Satan is the only way to do it.

"Okay," Sophia nods, not letting her piercing hazel eyes to leave the blue ones of Kenzie. "I think we can skip formalities and just get down to what we're both here to talk about," she says huskily, and Kenzie in turn nods.

"First off," Kenzie begins, sighing as she does so. "I'm really sorry for what I did with him while you two were married," she finishes, expecting some kind of smile or gesture of appreciation from Sophia, but getting none.

"I accept your apology," she says, and nothing more.

"Chad and I were very in love," Kenzie says once silence has settled between the two. Sophia's eyes snap back up, watching Kenzie intently. "We were going to get married and everything," Kenzie whispers, looking down sadly at the wooden table. "He made me really happy," she adds, and Sophia can't help the faint sting of pain that shoots somewhere within her heart. She knows that what Kenzie did was unspeakable, but no matter what, she would never wish heartache on anyone. She knows all too well how much it hurts. "I know that what I did was wrong, but I was just so in love – I still am."

Kenzie's last words are like a river of needles piercing at her satin skin. Her stomach does a roll over, and her mind is so caught off guard by the blonde's revelation, that she can't comprehend any words to speak.

"I'm sorry, Sophia," the blonde says, apologetically smiling at the brunette.

"I-" Sophia begins, but stops abruptly, her eyes scanning the small room as her mind searches for words that will express what she's feeling. When she finds none, she settles for the only ones her heart are willing to give her, "I wouldn't wish heartache on anyone, but, you, Kenzie, you only brought this upon yourself," Sophia finishes almost in a selfish tone. But she can't help it, because that blonde man is hers and always will be.

"I understand," Kenzie nods, looking down as a stray tear rolls over her blushed cheek.

The action causes something within Sophia to quite literally break, because soon enough she has the younger woman's hand soothingly held within her own.

"You're young and beautiful," Sophia whispers, swallowing every ounce of pride she had before this moment. "You'll find someone else, because Chad wasn't the man meant for you," Sophia continues, watching Kenzie's posture intently. "You can't have what's not yours, Kenzie," she finishes, letting go of her trembling hand as she does so.

"When he was in Germany, he promised me that we would still be together when he returned," Kenzie says, her words filled with nothing short of pain and vengeance. "He's going to keep that promise."

"I don't believe that," Sophia says, seemingly un-bothered.

"Well, it's true," Kenzie shrugs and any pity Sophia felt for her, is now gone.

"Okay, I think it's time for me to go," Sophia drawls out, pulling the coat that she had just taken off back on, as she stands up from the chair.

"You're pregnant," Kenzie notices dumbly, and Sophia only looks down at her round bump before covering it up with her coat.

"Five months," she states, giving Kenzie one last glance before quickly turning away, shopping bags in tow.

Just as she's about to walk out of the warm room, she hears something that she'll wonder for days whether she really heard or not: "Just remember what I said."

-X-

_When it all starts coming undone  
Baby, you're the only one I run to, I run to you_

"Chad, I'm home," Sophia calls out into the seemingly empty house.

She sets the shopping bags next to the couch, taking her coat off as she walks into the kitchen.

She forgot to order something at the bistro, and she is absolutely starving.

"I'm sorry, baby, mommy didn't mean to skip breakfast," she coos to the growing belly, rubbing it gently as she does so.

"I want a chubby baby, so this better not become a habit," a teasing voice whispers behind her, and if that hadn't been enough to give away who it was, his strong arms securely wrapped around her did the job.

"Shut up," she huskily laughs, turning around in his embrace so she can look at those blue eyes that she prays their baby has.

"That's verbal abuse," he whispers against her waiting lips, watching her smile that beautiful dimpled smile.

"Which reminds me," she mumbles seductively, pressing her body as close as their baby will allow, "I'm hungry."

And with that she pulls away from his embrace, not being able to help the laugh that escapes her when Chad lets out a discontent groan.

"You're really something else, Sophia Anna Bush," he notes out loud, sitting down on the counter as he admires the way she moves around their kitchen.

"It's about time you realize it," she shrugs, throwing him a smile over her shoulder before turning back to the bowl of pasta she pulled out of the fridge.

"Where did you go today?" he asks, and immediately notices her posture stiffen, before relaxing with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Shopping," she rasps, walking towards where he is sitting, cold bowl of pasta salad in tow.

"You're hiding something," he presses, watching her intently as she sits next to him.

"I saw someone today," she manages to say through a mouth full of pasta, watching Chad's eyes squint in a knowing way, as if he by some miracle already knows who it is.

"Who?"

"Kenzie," she says, the name causing whatever bliss they had to disappear.

She knows that any mention of the blonde woman hurts Chad deeply. Not because he loves her, or misses her, but because the woman defines a part of his life that he wishes he could erase.

"And why would you do that?" he asks harshly, getting up from the chair, suddenly unable to sit still.

"Chad, stop," Sophia whispers soothingly as her hands snake around his torso. He unwillingly relaxes into her touch, his temper fading.

They both know that he can't stay angry when it comes down to the pregnant brunette.

"Are you unhappy?" he mumbles, watching her face contort into a loving smile.

"How could I possibly be unhappy when I have you two?" she asks, following his eyes as they travel down to her belly.

"Then why did you need to see her?" he asks again, his eyes making their way back to hers.

"Because it's just something that I've known I had to do," she shrugs, unable to smile at his boyish look. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"It's only proven to me how much I love you," she whispers, subconsciously rotating the two rings that sit on the third finger of her left hand.

"Good," he sighs, resting his forehead against hers. "Because I can not lose you again."

"You won't ever lose us," Sophia smiles, rubbing her button nose against his.

He presses his lips tenderly to hers, drawing her body closer to his. He loves her so much that it quite literally hurts his heart.

Sophia Bush is his world, and the thought that she may one day realize the he doesn't deserve her scares him more than anything.

-X-

_We run on fumes, your life and mine  
Like the sands of time slippin' right on through_

"Soph, everyone's here!" She hears the voice of her best friend calling out to her, and as the door opens she inwardly groans to herself. "What's taking so long?"

"I look like a whale," Sophia whines, poking at imaginary fat on her arms.

Pregnancy has been good to her - if anything making the brunette more beautiful than she was before - but it seems as she's the only one blind to that.

"Oh, fucking please," Jaime laughs, walking up behind her friend, and zipping up the light pink floral dress.

"I look like the Amazon forest," Sophia manages to say through a sob of tears.

"Baby, no, no you don't!" Jaime coos, pulling the hormonal woman into a tight embrace. "You look beautiful, don't you see that!"

"No!" wails Sophia, the tears causing her voice to come out huskier than usual.

"Well, you do," Jaime promises, pulling away from her friend so she can fix her make up before further damage is done. "Don't you remember what you said to me yesterday?"

"No," Sophia sniffles, dabbing at her eyes as she does so.

"How Chad can't keep his hands off of you?" Jaime reminds, her lips curving into a seductive smirk.

Sophia can only manage a shaky laugh as she nods her head.

"Now come on, let's fix your make up," Jaime claps, pulling a light palate of eye shadows towards her.

A few minutes later, and Jaime is proudly leading Sophia into a living room filled with the cheerfully voices of friends and family - some whom Sophia has not seen in years.

The room is filled with high pitched shrieks as she walks in, and Sophia mentally readies herself for the hundred hugs she's sure to receive.

The first body that comes in contact with hers belongs to no one other than Bevin. She hasn't seen her once best friend in about three years, and she curses herself for letting it be that long.

"Bev," she smiles, allowing herself to admire the beautiful woman she has grown into.

"I never thought I'd see you again," Bevin laughs before quickly pulling her glowing friend into another tight hug, before stepping aside to allow someone else to greet Sophia.

Thirteen women later, and the only one left standing is an older woman who's eyes share the same depth and color that Sophia's do.

"Mom," she smiles, signaling for her to come over.

"I always dreamed about this," Maureen whispers into her daughter's hair. "You're going to be an excellent mother, Sophia," she honestly compliments, rubbing the now larger belly in nothing short of complete and utter adoration.

"Thank you, mom," Sophia replies with appreciation.

"So, are you excited?" her old time friend, Monica asks as Sophia waddles towards a plush arm chair that is surrounded with wrapped gifts.

"I am so, so excited," Sophia giggles, rubbing her tummy as she sits down.

"What did Chad want the baby to be?" Danneel asks, twirling a pink ribbon around her fingers.

"He's always told me that he wants the first baby to be a girl," Sophia smiles, her eyes twinkling just at the mention of her husband.

"Then I can only imagine how happy he is," her friend, Britney, chirps in, earning an agreeing nod from Sophia.

"He is - we both are."

"How did you tell him you were pregnant?" Bevin asks, causing a few of her friends to nod for an answer.

"Well," Sophia began, smiling just at the thought. "Jaime had just had her own, so I asked her if I could borrow the baby for the day and she didn't even think twice about it," Sophia laughed, her upper lip almost disappearing like it does when she's genuinely happy. "So when Chad got home we both played with the baby for a little, and then I asked him if he could hold her for a little bit while I got her diaper bag. He seemed a little hesitant of being alone with her, so I told him he better start getting used to it, and then he just kinda realized what the whole day had been leading up to," Sophia shrugged while smiling at all the "awwws" that filled the room.

"Okay, well, let's get the games started so we can possibly open the presents before Soph goes into labor," Jaime broke in, causing Sophia to eagerly nod in agreement.

-X-

_And our love's the only truth  
That's why I run to you_

"How was the baby shower?" Chad asks as he collapses onto the bed that's been calling to him like salvation.

"It was great," she smiles, running a hand gently over his exposed chest.

She can never get enough of that body.

"I'm glad," he whispers against her temple, his breath causing her to unconsciously rub her thighs together.

"I'm horny," she mumbles against the slight stubble on his face, and places a hungry kiss against his jaw.

He can't help but laugh at her honesty, and takes a second to thank the hormones, as he turns his body so that he's facing hers.

"Oh, is that so," he states, arousal evident in his voice.

"Mhm," she moans, her own body also awake and humming.

"I think I could do something about that," he mumbles before plunging his tongue into her waiting mouth.

She tastes so fucking sweet that his now fully grown organ twitches in anticipation. She's a goddess of her own, and as his palm grasps one of her now much larger breasts, she lets out one of those erotically sexy moans.

"I love you," he manages to pant when they are forced to break apart for much needed air.

"Just fuck me," she moans, her hormones taking control.

And all he can do is fiercely press his lips back to hers, because he loves her too much to not give her what she wants.


	27. When I Look At You

_Hello my sweet girls! Wow – so much has happened in the month that it's taken me to update. An obvious thing would be the three new stories that I added. Which, I would love if you guys read and reviewed. Specially "_**Eighty Two Meaningless Lettes**_" and "_**Dance In The Dark**_". It would make me cream my pants from joy. JK, but really. _

_On a less obvious note, yesterday I came to the realization that my relationship, which in exactly three months from today would be going onto its third annyversary, has come to an end. Anyways, it's made me think that love is complete bullshit._

_Please make my day/weekend and leave me some reviews in this and the other story I stated up there. Hearing what you guys have to say, whether good or bad, always makes me happy!_

_The super sweet, LeeSee-C, deserves a thank you for helping me write the sex scene._

_Xx N_

-X-

_When I look at you,_  
_I see forgiveness, I see the truth_

She flips her hair over her shoulder and ponders which color she likes best. She's been trying to debate for the last week, has even called Early Childhood experts, but has yet to make her decision.

"Babe, just pick a color," he says as he silently watches her from the door. His presence unknown to her until just now. "If you take any longer, we'll have the baby before the walls are finished." He tries joking around with her, because the daggers she threw at him indicate her hormones are in full swing.

"Chad, I'm nesting," she says simply. Shrugging him away as she turns back to the soft, almost identical shades of cream.

"Why didn't you just pick pink?" he asks for the hundredth time since she narrowed her quest down to the two choices.

She's obviously agitated now. If her eyes and pursed lips don't give it away, her posture sure as hell does.

"Pink is so stereotypical," she says cynically, throwing her hands in the air. "And I want her to be calm and warm in here," she says in a calmer tone, smiling slightly at the thought of a rosy baby cradled in her arms.

"Do you hear that, little girl?" He smiles, walking slowly towards her, his gaze fixed on her large stomach. "You've got a great mommy," he says so quietly, bending down once he's reached his family.

He runs his fingers over the protruding bump, and can't help but feel the flawless brunette shiver slightly under his touch.

"I love you," she proclaims for the millionth time since realizing her feelings. Because she does, very much. And sometimes it pains her that they went so long without uttering those three words to each other.

Joy tugs at his heart as he hears her verbally express her feelings. He smiles, because it's impossible to deny or hide how happy she makes him. "Let's go to bed," he mutters in a husky voice, and all her overworked hormones can allow her to do is nod.

-X-

They make their way into the dimly lit bedroom, anticipation clearly present as he tugs on her small hand. She walks in first, and slowly turns around, finding him closing the door with that smirk she loves so much. He has managed to strip of his shirt in the time it took for her to turn around, and all she can do is smile.

She can't help herself when her hazel eyes run over his torso appreciatively. The sight of his naked, toned flesh making her already rampant hormones go even more haywire. She knows that he's loving the state of awe she's in, so she does not question the sexy smirk that once again tugs at his lips.

He lowers his lips to hers, unable to hold back the urge any longer. He pulls her against him, as much as the swell of her belly will allow, as he kisses her with all his might. He kisses her long and hard, because he desperately feels the need to show her how much he loves her. When air becomes scarce though, they unwillingly pull apart.

He grips the hem of her red maternity top and pulls it over her head, revealing her lacy bra. Perfection, he thinks. Pure perfection. He then moves his hands to the waist on her low rise jeans and quickly undoes the buttons. He can only watch as gravity makes them pool at her feet.

He grips her hands as she steps out of them, their eyes locked on one another. And when he finally does break contact, he's very pleased to see her lower region in a matching piece of lace.

He wraps his muscular arms around her waist, as his hands run over her silky skin. He can never get enough of that rosy skin that feels softer than silk.

Walking her over to the bed, he gently lays her down on her back, as their kisses become more passionate and intense. She shivers as his hands roam her body with such familarity and ease, but at the same time there's that ever present sensation of the first time he ever touched her in this way. Chad's lips slide down to that weak spot on her neck, igniting a burning desire deep within her.

Her back is arched as he kisses his way down to her breasts, unhooking her bra expertly as he does so. He pulls the delicate lace down her shoulders, before it disappears somewhere in their room. She can't help the husky moans that escape her as he trails sweet kisses down her breasts.

He lavished his attention on her chest, and she can't help but moan appreciatively, her hands sinking into his hair in response. She sounds incredibly sexy as she moans beneath him, and it only makes him want her even more. He continues his journey downwards, kissing his way towards her stomach. Once he's reached his destination, he looks down at it in a mixture of pride and awe.

"You know, Soph, I never thought I'd have both of you," he tells her honestly, as he strokes her bump lovingly. There's a hint of sadness in his eyes, but she can see the happiness that is also there. She smiles at his words.

"I know what you mean," she replies soothingly, as she strokes her fingers through his blonde hair.

Now he's back to looking at her eyes, and his lips soon make contact with hers.

He holds her close to his muscular body, kissing her neck as he slowly pulls her panties down her smooth legs. They are soon discarded, having the same fate as her bra. Sophia responds by eagerly shedding him of his boxer shorts, her hormones controlling her actions. As they kiss again, he slowly enters her with one deep thrust. They both moaned at the delicious sensation that one simple movement causes.

"Is this okay?" he asks concerned. He's noticed how much his abdomen is currently pressing against their precious cargo. "Or do you wanna try something else?" Through the concern she can see that burning desire to ravish her.

"Another way would be better," Sophia replies simply, but in her eyes he can see her longing for something rough. He nods, withdrawing from her completely, so Sophia can move around into something of a more comfortable position. She ends up laying on her right side, a pillow supporting her bump, and Chad behind her.

"Ready?" he asks, whispering seductively into her ear.

"Yeah," she replies urgently, because she desperately needs that release that only he can give.

Chad spoons up behind her and gently takes hold of her left thigh. He lifts it slightly, positioning himself. With one swift motion he enters her again in another slow, deep thrust. He lets go of her thigh and rests it against his, as they both moan in pleasure. He begins moving within her slowly, almost as if he's scared to hurt her. But her moans of pleasure begin to encourage him to go faster, so he gradually speeds up until his hips are moving frantically.

His release is near, but then he hears a moan that he hasn't heard before. He halts his action, concern taking over immediately.

"Are you okay?" he pants into her ear.

"Huh?" she asks puzzled, her lips parted as she tries to take in air. She can't remember a time in which she was more aroused than currently.

"You made a loud noise when I went in harder," he explains quietly, still not moving. "I thought I was hurting you."

"Chad, I was moaning because it felt _good_," she tells him with that smile that he loves so much. "Now are you gonna carry on or do I have to do it myself?" she asks teasingly, her perfectly plucked brow rising.

He answers her question with the movements he had stopped before. Sophia moans louder, as his left hand gently cups her large breast, before moving down to her hip and gripping it softly, aiding her thrusts back onto him as he pounds harder into her. Just the way she likes. He's panting and moaning in her ear, signaling his release is fast approaching.

It takes another thrust from Chad before Sophia's world shatters as she climaxes. She arches her back, mouth opening, loud curses spill from her lips with each of his thrusts, as waves of intense pleasure blast over her. Her flesh spasms around him, causing him to fall over the edge with her. He groans quietly as his seed pours into her receptive body, bringing both their climaxes to an end.

They lay there tangled together, gasping for breath. Sophia entwines her fingers with his, as he gently kisses her neck and cheek. He moves to pull out of her, but she halts his actions, enjoying the intimacy of their position. They snuggle together, reveling in the afterglow of their lovemaking before falling asleep, still in their intimate embrace.

-X-

"I hate the paparazzi," she grumbles. The cold November wind has tousled her hair, but he can't help but think how beautiful she still looks.

"What'd they do now?" he asks, offering her a hug which she gladly takes, as she makes her way to the refrigerator.

A trip that has become a familiar one in these last few months.

"Doesn't matter." She lies through a sip of milk, probably a purposeful excuse to avoid the conversation.

"It does if it's made you so upset," he presses, even though whatever it is will probably bother him more than it has her.

"They asked me if infidelity is hereditary," she says finally, because she knows Chad and she knows that he'll continue to press the subject until she speaks the truth.

He doesn't say anything right away, and she instantly curses herself for being truthful. It's not fair that they have to constantly be reminded of his mistake. She's forgiven him, so why can't the rest of the world just move on?

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, but she can sense the sadness that laces his words.

"Baby," she coos, setting her half empty glass of milk down as she walks towards him.

"It's not fair to you or the baby."

"Nothing they say could make us not want you."

"It was so long ago," he says sadly, but he knows it's no excuse. It never should have happened.

"We were young," she says through melancholy eyes. "It made us stronger."

"I heard a nice name today," he says after a few seconds. She smiles, because she understands how regretful he is and that he'll never slip away from her again.

"Shoot," she encourages through her dimpled smile.

"Finley."

"Finley..." she murmurs to herself, pointer finger rubbing her rosy lips as she digests the name. "It's unique and spunky."

"So, you like it?" he asks hopefully.

"I do," Sophia nods, eyes sparkling at the realization that they've just picked their child's name.

"Finley," Chad whispers, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Finley," he repeats, placing another kiss.

"Can I pick the middle name?" she asks through kisses. He nods as he pulls away.

"Rosetta."

"Italian?" he asks, eye brow raised and smirk in place.

"What?" she asks with a pout, slapping his shoulder slightly.

"Nothing." Chad laughs, throwing his hands in the air in surrender.

"I promised my parents she would have an Italian first or middle name," she whines.

"What does the name mean?" he asks, shaking his head, but understanding.

"Little rose," she whispers smiling. "Because she _is_ our little rose."

"I like it," he says adoringly.

"Finley Rosetta Murray-Bush," Sophia hums, her eyes flashing with excitement at how beautiful it all sounds.

"Settle down," he chuckles. "We don't want you going into early labor."

"Oohhh, and the next baby can be named Cavin!" she squeals, her small hands clapping together.

"Are any of our kids gonna have _normal_ names?"

"Uhm, no," she says very seriously, but she can't hide her beautiful smile for long. "I just want it to be time for her to come out already!"

"Yeah, let's see if you're still saying that when her due date comes around."

"Shut up," she chuckles lightheartedly. "Just let me have my moment!"

"Alright, alright," he says grinning. "I'm gonna go out with the guys for a couple hours. Will you be okay staying here alone?" he asks slightly concerned, because he can't help it when it comes to her.

"Yup," she says while nodding. "I actually need to call Jaime and touch base with her."

"Cool." He nods. "If you need anything, call."

"Of course," she huskily whispers, pulling him towards her for one of those kisses he can never get enough of.

"Mhh, I love you," he moans against her lips. His eyes are closed, but he knows that she's smiling by the way her lips curve.

"Go, before I have my way with you."

-X-

_Now, I can make this next update completely heartbreaking or extremely happy. I just need you guys's opinion so I know which route the story needs to go. What would you all like? Oh and I have the worst headache of my life right now, so I'm sorry if this update sucks and how short it is._


	28. You're Still The One

_I'm so, so sorry that it's been a month between updates. And Michelle, Happy Birthday! I hope this is a good present from me to you. Uhm, this song makes me cry, so I suggest you listen to it if you've never heard it before. It's simply beautiful. Sorry it's so short, this is mostly just a filler.  
_

-X-

_Looks like we made it  
Look how far we've come my baby _

She's sitting in the rocking chair, the same one that she painstakingly spent hours searching for. Their daughter's room is now finished, and she just can't summon herself out of it.

The fully furnished crib sits inches away from her, and she can't stop herself from glancing longingly at it.

Soon there will be a little life safely nestled inside. A little life that belongs to her. A little life that she'll love unconditionally. A little life that just shows how much it's parents love each other.

Willing herself back to the latest baby book, she sighs with anticipation.

It's a little past twelve and her husband is still out.

She's not worried about him doing _something_, really. She just wants him to be home with her.

Pretty soon they'll have a screaming, tiring child to look after, so it's only natural that she crave to spend these last quite moments with him.

But she also understands that pretty soon he won't have the freedom to go out with his friends, so she doesn't really blame him for wanting to have one last true guy's night out.

She thinks about all the things that are in her future, smile spread across her tired face.

It really is true, she thinks, things get bad before they can get better.

And she prays to whatever God that's out there, that all the things they've been through are all the bad they'll have to endure for a long while.

The last nine months have not been easy on the petite brunette, but she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

Well, maybe she'd trade the few necessary pounds that she's gained, but other than that she really is grateful.

"Baby, when are you going to come out?" she whispers to her very large belly, her fingers tracing lucid patterns onto her clothed skin.

Her hand tenses suddenly though, a sharp pain coursing through her stomach and burning every nerve that controls her being.

Grabbing the crib that lays beside her, Sophia staggers up from the chair. She doesn't make any noise as another wave of unbelievable pain runs it's way through her, but she thinks that she can taste the blood that she's drawn from her bottom lip.

_We might have took the long way  
We knew we'd get there someday _

His hand is pressed against the clear glass that separates him from his daughter.

Though her small, hospital crib is a few rows back, he can tell that she's beautiful.

She's perfect, and small – so, so small. His heart almost breaks for her, because from what the doctors told him, they almost lost her.

And it's exactly that, the doctors _telling _him, that hurts the most. He wasn't there for her birth, and he thinks that even after all the bad he's done in his life, that's his greatest regret.

"Would you like to hold her?" a nurse that he had not noticed asks him.

He wants to, but he's so incredibly scared that he almost says no. _Almost_, because before he can really think about the question, he's nodding his head yes.

The nurse smiles, swiftly walking away from him and into the room where his precious baby is.

It feels almost surreal when the nurse picks up the sleeping bundle, who shows no interest in waking up from her deep slumber.

And before he can take it all in, the nurse is in front of him now, holding a little girl that quite literally glows.

"Congratulations," she says once the baby is safely placed on her father's arms.

She's so beautiful, and he swears that he's not saying this only because he's her father. She's the epitome of her mother, from her light brown hair to those delicate heart shaped lips.

He wants to tell her that he's her daddy, and that he's glad to finally meet her, but he's too consumed by emotions that up until this moment he rendered impossible for any human being to have.

"Your mommy dreamed about you her whole life," he whispers to the rosy infant.

And in that moment he wants nothing more than to be with his wife and child, together.

But he knows they can't be. He doesn't know the details, because he honestly didn't think he could handle the pain of knowing, but he does know that she'd lost a lot of blood.

"_She's sleeping right now_," the doctor had explained when he'd begged to see his wife. "_She'll wake up in a little while – why don't you go see your baby_?"

And that's exactly what he had done, but now it's been a little while, and their daughter is beginning to wake up and her lips are starting to pucker, and he doesn't think he can handle Sophia not being here when their baby's eyes open.

_I'm glad we didn't listen  
Look at what we would be missing_

It was heavily raining outside, but Sophia ordered that they still go home despite the weather. "_I want her to be home_," she had explained with such gentleness in her voice as she gazed at the sleeping bundle, even though Chad knew that she was feeling nothing short of anger towards him.

So now the three of them are home.

He's alone though, sitting on the couch in the same position he'd been thirty minutes ago.

The nursery door is slightly open, and every once in a while he'll hear a quite gurgle which is always followed by soothing words from Sophia.

After a few more minutes of deliberation, he gets up from his sitting position. He quietly walks toward the room that holds the two most important girls in his life.

Sophia does not notice his presence, as if she's completely mesmerized by the perfection that is her daughter.

"Sophia," he says, after he, himself has spent an acceptable amount of time consumed by the precious baby.

He doesn't think she has heard him, but then her tired eyes close, then open to make contact with his.

"I think we should talk," he says with such precision, that she wonders how many times he's practiced saying the simple words.

Her eyes linger on him for a few more moments, before making their way back to her baby's face. She watches the gentle rising of her the little chest, not wanting to set her down, but knowing that this talk is inevitable and as much as she's hurting inside, it's not fair to shut Chad out.

She slowly gets up from the chair, placing the sleeping infant on the carefully chosen bedding.

"Let's talk," Sophia murmurs to the man that patiently waits from the door. He holds no annoyance towards her, because he knows that if Sophia would let him hold the baby, he would not want to set her down either.

They make their way out of the nursery, the new mother following him into their bedroom. The bed calls to both of them like salvation, but they know that sleep can not yet come.

She silently watches him have an inner battle on what he should say. She says nothing, because it's not her turn to talk – not yet.

"I'm sorry," he finally says, and if his eyes are any indication of how he feels, she definitely knows that he means the apology.

"I know that you are."

"I wish that I'd been there for you."

"And why weren't you?" she asks, accusation ever present in her voice.

She'd called him, nine time to be exact, and every time she'd been greeted with the same voice mail.

"I left my phone in my jacket, and I was playing poker with the guys and just didn't hear it," he explains sadly. He knows that it's no excuse, but it's the simple truth.

"You knew that I was due any day," she says through a clenched jaw, because she's trying desperately not to cry.

"I know, baby, I know," he whispers, now stepping towards her because it hurts too much to see her so sad.

"I was so scared," she manages to say before a sob escapes her rosy lips. He's pulling her into his chest now, his arms automatically hugging her body against his.

Almost as if he's trying to protect her from the big bad world, but he knows that all of this is his fault.

"Don't ever do that to us again," she orders through the tears that are falling down her face.

She loves him too much and doesn't think that she can ever go through that feeling again.

"I'll always be there," he promises into her lavender smelling hair, but even more, he promises to himself.

_But just look at us holding on  
We're still together, still going strong _

Fin, as they have now began to call her, is a week old. With each passing day, she looks more and more like her mother and even though he swears that she can't get more beautiful, the little girl still manages to prove him wrong.

"She's beautiful," Sophia whispers.

He means to agree with her, but then their daughter lets out a small grunt that causes both of her parents to go into a long chain of coos and words that keep her from crying.

"I think she's hungry," Sophia states, positioning her pointer finger against her baby's lips and watching her gently suck on it.

He comes back into their room a few minutes later with a warm bottle of formula and she smiles at him in gratitude.

She was right, Finley wasted no time in starting the bottle. And he thinks she's never looked so adorable as she tries to keep her blue eyes from closing.

The baby blue eyes land on the hazel ones of her mother, and Sophia can't help but smile at her tired daughter. "Are you gonna go to sleep?" she coos to the little infant, her nose scrunching as she smiles that big smile when their baby looks away and begins to yet again fight off sleep.

"Object permanence," Chad almost whispers as he too can't help but smile at his daughter's strong battle to fight off sleep.

Sophia takes her eyes away from the infant, expression quizzical as she now looks at him.

"In their first months, babies don't realize that even though they can't see you, you're still there," Chad says, causing Sophia to turn her gaze back to the baby as he continues to explain. "When she closes her eyes, she doesn't see us, so she thinks that we don't exist anymore."

"You read the baby books," she says, a fixed smile across her face.

"I guess you didn't get to that one," he chuckles.

"Uh, uh," she says agreeing, raising their baby up to her lips as she whispers, "close your eyes, sweet girl, we'll be here with you the whole time."

_You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of _

"You should get some sleep," he says from the doorway, as she folds the last of the freshly done laundry into the drawers in Finley's room.

"_You _should get some sleep," she quips back, smiling slightly at the memory of last night. Chad had spent the better half of the night trying to get Finley to fall asleep, ushering Sophia back to bed every time she offered to help.

"I'll go to bed if you come to bed," he challenges, suggestive smile in place when she turns to look at him.

"Oh, how can I ever resist that smile?" she says in mock sarcasm, throwing a pair of boxers at him that somehow made their way into the baby's basket.

"You can't," he says, not bothering to hide his cockiness.

"You know, that's not a very good quality," she murmurs, her lips now inches away from his.

"Yet you still seem to love me," he murmurs back, pressing his roughly onto hers, because it seems that now a days they hardly have time for kissing.

After a few moments, she pulls away breathlessly. "Not in the baby's room," she sighs, pressing her forehead against his.

He nods knowingly, leading her through the hallway and into their bedroom.

They're too tired to have sex, and even if they weren't, they still can't for another four weeks. They've come close a few times, because her hormones still seem to get the better part of her, but he's too afraid of hurting her, even if it means going another night without being able to make love to her.

As hard as it is, he knows that he's gone longer with out her. And when he thinks of those years, he feels that familiar sadness creep inside, but he pushes it aside. Their life is perfect now, and even though all they've gone through, they're still together and going strong.

_You're still the one I kiss good night _

_-X-_

_Yes, I know this update was basically completely centered around the baby, but I thought it needed to be considering all they've gone through. _

_If you guys fill my in-box with tons of reviews like with the last chapter, I'll update again this week, so press that button and tell me what you thought/want next. And if you still feel like reading after you finish this, go check the new stories I've added. Thank youuuuu.  
_


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